Hero is a Cheap Label
by Predtards
Summary: In a world ravaged by Aliens two human women struggle to survive. Their already chaotic world is upset again by the arrival of a new alien species, ones that can save or finish them, what affect will the women's actions have upon the fate of their world?
1. Prologue 2012

Author Note: Here is The Beginning! The first chapter of our "official" and serious story. Fear not, there shall also be more ridiculous one shots. We hope you enjoy reading about our ideas of Aliens, Predators, Humans, and whatever mixtures of all three there are!

Disclaimer: We own nothing. At least nothing involving Predators or Aliens. Or anything involving money. No money… Sad panda.

Please read a review! Reviews are delicious!

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Prologue: 2012

2009: A Yautja ship is destroyed from the inside out and several beginning stage Xenomorphs escape from the wreckage, landing on Earth.

A few of the facehuggers impregnated humans, while others attacked nearby fauna. One infected deer made its way from northern Colorado further south, before the drone emerged. This drone, lacking a queen to lead it, evolved into a queen.

This new queen took refuge in the Rocky Mountains and began giving birth to new eggs.

2010: The queen and a small army of older, more intelligent drones began their invasion of the surrounding country.

Some drones were purposefully breaking off to become new queens, traveling across North and South America.

As the death toll in humans and animals alike began to grow, people attempted to flee to another continent. Many of these people were already infected, allowing for drones to be brought into Asia, Europe, and Africa.

Some of these drones became queens, and the spread began anew.

2011: Governments and organizations across the world attempted to find solutions to exterminate the aliens. The UN tried to keep countries from using their nuclear arms to destroy the growing hordes.

The suggestions were ignored and "neighbors" attempted to "assist" other countries. Pakistan launched nukes into India, which caused a global reaction.

The US quarantined several major cities, including New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, and Houston. These cities, among others, were fire bombed, then nuked after the initial onslaught failed to kill off the threat.

Most countries fell before they were able to pick a good target.

2012: The Xenomorphs grew more and more intelligent, realizing the dangers presented by military forces and their armaments and began to focus their attacks upon them.

They tore through armies, and managed to attack some nuclear launch sites. This caused massive panic and the armies refused to go near any nuclear launch sites. They believed the Aliens were targeting these sites.

Eventually the chain of command broke down, the army splintered, and civilians were left to fend for themselves. World wide communication broke down for the most part, as well as most forms of long distance communication.

As of the last contact made public, the remnants of the Russian Government had fled to Siberia, due to the reduced action of Xenomorphs in extreme cold temperatures.

Parts of India and Pakistan not destroyed in nuclear attacks were overrun, some humans managing to flee into the Himalayas.

Most of Asia was lost, being the most heavily populated and least prepared.

No one has heard anything from Africa, save for a transmission from Cairo, Egypt. They are believed overrun and not worth the risk to attempt any rescue missions.

Australia was mostly populated by sheep bred Aliens. The surviving humans were making a stand with the aboriginal people in the scrublands. No further information is available.

In South America, most Humans fled into the Andes and the rain forest tree tops. Not much is known about the survival rate of those in the forests.

Europe was demolished. Most people fled into the Swiss Alps or further inland, towards Russia. The United Kingdoms were completely lost and no attempts have been made to cross the Chanel towards it.

Many Humans with the ability to do so fled to the Arctic and Antarctic regions. There has been no contact. It is assumed that the survival rate is minimal.

By the end of 2012, the Xenomorphs rule the globe. Human resistance is token. Massive hordes of animal and human spawned aliens roam. Any attempts to establish large settlements are thwarted by these herds. Humans exist in small, mobile enclaves. Permanent settlements are rare, or very small.

Human recovery of the Earth is unlikely. The species is on the brink of extinction.


	2. Taking the Job

Author's Note: And here we are again, for chapter 1! We hope you enjoyed the Prologue. Please forgive us for the necessary information dump that preceded this. It was painful, but required. We don't like doing any more flashbacks than necessary. Sorry.

Thanks to those who reviewed, Clear as Mud and Possumpie. You are awesome!

Now, go and enjoy this next bit from the Predtards. Read and REVIEW!

Disclaimer: If we owned it, we would share. Maybe.

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Chapter One: Taking the Job

"Okay, we're going to go to this last caravan grouping, scout the goods, and get back to you within the week. Be prepared to do emergency surgery on Goners. He's needing it really bad. Over."

"Good deal. Marv out. Over."

The lanky brunette set the radio back into its handle before swinging her legs out the door of the van, stretching her legs and running her hands through her cropped hair. She leaned further out, searching for her partner. She spotted the dark brown pig tails of her companion bobbing up and down as she surveyed the lower portion of their vehicle.

The girl with the pig tails looked up, glasses flashing in the setting sun. She paused her perusal of the car to stand and charge over to the woman still lounging in the passenger seat.

"EEEEVIIIIEEE! Just LOOK at this list! Just LOOK at it! I'm not even done yet! How is Marv EVER going to fix all this? We're going to need ANOTHER new car!"

Evie smiled, taking in the visage of outrage on her tanned comrade's scarred face. "Calm down, Marie. Marv is great with these things. You know that. And there are plenty of cars around that people aren't using. Getting a new one isn't difficult. I'm sure you'll love Goners the fifth as much as you love Goners the fourth."

Marie pouted, turning away from her taller partner. Evie slipped out of the car, carefully locking and shutting the door, before wrapping her arms around her disgruntled companion's shoulders. "Aw, don't be mad, Marie! We're almost back to Marv's. We'll get Goners fixed up, get a nice shower, and chill for the winter. We found lots of books this time around. I KNOW you're excited about that!"

Marie's shoulders relaxed, settling in comfortably to the familiar embrace. She turned her head, ready to respond, when a youthful face thrust itself into the space in between the conversing women. The two started, striking out and knocking the teenager into the dust.

Unfazed, the scrawny ginger grinned up at the two, and then launched into a barrage of questions. "Hey, you wanna hear a bad pick up line that my dad told me? Hi, I'm foreign. I've got Russian hands and Roman fingers. Do you get it? Rushin' and roamin'? Isn't it great? Who were you talking to? Is he your friend? Are you related?"

He paused, looking expectantly at the older females, before his face turned into a mask of horror. "Are you DATING him? How could you DO that to me? I thought we had something special! I thought you LIKED me! Do you know what's for dinner? Cus I can't tell. It all looks the same to me."

The distracted boy wandered off, humming to himself, before accosting another hapless victim on his way to the fire side. Evie and Marie looked at each other before bursting into laughter.

Marie gasped, trying to catch her breath. "Damn! No wonder his nickname is Chatter! That boy could talk the ear off a rock! That is one thing I won't miss when we hunker down for the winter."

Evie nodded in agreement as they walked over to where the food was being served. They both noticed Chatter at his father's side, rambling on about something rather improbable involving a taco, a skunk, and a pair of pliers. The two gals gave each other side long glances, before giggling.

Evie whispered to Marie. "How that boy could be Bossman's son, I have no idea. Bossman IS a rock. I think we can safely assume Chatter's mother was a terror."

Marie just smiled, accepting her plate of slop, before settling down in the ring of men and diving into the unrecognizable glop of food. Evie wrinkled her nose, turning her plate this way and that, observing the congealed mess oozing across her plate. Gagging, she promptly dumped the vast majority of her portion onto Marie's plate. Marie chuckled, wolfing down the extra food with ease. "You know, you'd think after awhile you would become LESS picky. Not more. Not that I mind. More for me!"

The fire light was blocked as a monster of a man loomed over them. "What's this I hear about unauthorized radio contact?"

Marie quirked her head to the side, grinning up at the leader of their partner group. "We were contacting our home base. We needed to let him know we were back in the area and that we'd get in touch with him tomorrow. You know, in case he needs us to trade for anything specific. Besides, we're not under YOUR jurisdiction. We just work together occasionally."

The cook looked up from the pot of gruel he was tending to, confusion written upon his face. "But, wait. Your home is here? Then what were you doing way out in the central plains? In IOWA of all places? People didn't even go there BEFORE all this happened."

Marie had returned to her food before the cook had tossed his inquiry at them. She finished chewing, swallowed, and shot him a wicked glare. "What is this, 20 Questions? Back off and let a girl eat, would ya?"

"We used to live there. Went back to check things out, you know?" Evie answered, having quickly finished the miniscule amount of food she had kept. Marie grunted in agreement, still shoveling food into her face.

Cook nodded, returning to his task. Bossman still shot them a few strange looks now and then, but Chatter kept him well occupied. Marie finished her pile of a meal, and the whole group of men, and two women, settled into a quiet evening lull.

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The next morning camp was packed up and the teams of people moved out to the caravan meeting point. Evie and Marie got into their minivan and began their work as forward scouts. The mercenary team broke into three teams; two teams of four to cover the sides of the caravan and one team of two driving the merc's only vehicle at the rear. The caravan itself was fairly small, only fifteen strong.

They made it to their destination near Bobbie's Cliff by midday. As the caravan leader haggled with Bossman over the price of the mercs' services, Marie shifted uneasily, her green eyes darting about the surrounding plain. Evie had been amusing herself by observing the men ogling her and her comrade. She turned to Marie, giggling to herself. "Dude, those guys over in the next caravan are TOTALLY checking us out! Yay for there not being much competition!"

"Wait, what?" Marie started out of her daze, blinking rapidly.

Evie's brow furrowed. "Hey, are you all right? You've been acting stranger than normal."

Marie looked back out into the hazy distance. "Something isn't right."

"Yeah, we've gained fewer scars than we normally do on caravan trips."

"No, it's more than that. We hardly got attacked at all. And all the attackers were the young and stupid ones. It isn't right. Where are the leaders, the smart ones? Where are the rest? Normally by now there'd be huge herds of them charging through here. So why haven't they come?"

Evie shrugged, letting her own eyes look out at the horizon. "You have a point. Hopefully we'll be gone before the shit hits the fan."

Marie just snorted. "We are NEVER that lucky."

Evie shook her head, grabbing her partner's arm, tugging Marie towards the trading groups. "Come on. If the shit DOES hit the fan, I want to make sure we've got what we need. So, let's go see what the other caravans have."

Marie trudged along, still sullen and worried. She began to perk up a bit at all the goods presented by the other groups. She rushed to one particular person, dragging Evie along behind her. They both crouched next to the dirty blanket, ooing and aahing over the cheap, already tarnished jewelry on display.

As the two gazed longingly at the useless collection, Chatter proceeded to tackle hug the two of them from behind. Marie yelped in surprise, swinging her elbow back, almost catching the young teen in his prominent nose. He stumbled back, arms flailing, grin still plastered on his face. Marie glowered at him as he regained his balance. "Chatter… How many times do I have to tell you to NOT sneak up on us? We could have shot or stabbed you in a heartbeat, you dolt! You need to be more careful!"

Chatter quirked his head. "Sorry, Red One. I just missed you both so much!" He looked down at the blanket and the items placed upon it. "Hey, those are really nice! Wait… Do you like those better than the ones I gave you?"

Marie and Evie both looked at their wrists. They had identical bracelets, worn and dirty from travel, made of twine, with a single bead on each. The two smiled at the stricken boy. Marie reached out and ruffled his brilliant hair affectionately. "Of course not, Chatter. The ones you made us are much better. We'll never take them off."

His face lit up and he was off again on another round of questions. "Hey, hey, Red One! Why do you have those scars on your face? Where are they from? What about your arm? It's all scarred and yucky looking. Do you have any other scars? What about you, Red Two? You have tons of scars, too! I wish I had more of them… My DAD has TONS of scars! He's so cool!"

Marie's smile faded and she turned, walking off amongst the traders. Chatter looked at Evie, confused. "Was it something I said? I just wanted to know about the cool scars. I didn't mean to hurt her feelings."

Evie and Chatter started after Marie, who had paused to look at some spare car parts on another vendor's blanket. Evie smiled at him. "Don't worry, Chatter. Red One doesn't like thinking about the past very much. It hurts too much. But I can tell you where they're from. See, we both got our face scars at the same time, the first time either of us ever met a Xenomorph."

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_The minivan whipped along the highway, music blaring, the driver and her passenger singing along to the pop song on the radio. The two spoke back and forth, laughing wildly as the evening set in. Their waist length hair was tossed about easily in the breeze coming through the rolled down windows._

"_Evie, come on. You really shouldn't be such a stick in the mud. You need to try new things more often! I promise that you will LOVE this shrimp recipe. And if you don't, you can pick out the shrimp and just eat the pasta. Either way, you get good food and you've tried something new."_

_The passenger crossed her arms grumpily. "But, I HATE shrimp! I hate fish! Anything from a body of water, I hate! You KNOW that! And I try new things!"_

"_Only when I make you!"_

"_I can't help that I'm a creature of habit. Besides, I tried that one Hot Pot thing your parents' friend brought over. That was, like, ALL seafood stuff! And I ate it! And pretended to like it. I was polite."_

_Marie rolled her eyes. Her bracelets chimed as she turned the wheel, sending the vehicle onto a quiet suburban cul-de-sac. "Again, I MADE you try that. And I've taken you to places that you've liked! You're such a pansy sometimes. But I love you anyway."_

_The driver chuckled as Evie focused her attentions on untangling her hair. Blue eyes glowered, or attempted to. "Aagh! Maariiee! The wind is tangling my hair AND messing with my contacts! AGAIN! Ow! Stupid earrings! Getting caught in my hair… The world HATES me!"_

"_Oh, hush you silly goose. You'll live. We're almost home. We'll get in our PJs, grab some munchies and drinks, then watch terrible horror movies. All will be well. I promise."_

_Marie brought the car into the three car garage, placing it in park. The two got out, Evie grabbing her overnight bag. The girls started for the garage door, both fussing with their skirts and tops. Marie attempted to tame her mussed bangs. "Man, you're right. The wind got to my hair, too. It's gonna take me FOREVER with a brush to get this all out."_

_Evie had begun to reply, when they heard something rustling in the woods behind the house. Evie took a step closer to Marie, hiding behind the stockier girl. "Marie… Let's not sleep in the basement tonight. Your woods are just too creepy. I hate seeing the shadows in the trees out the basement doors. Why do you have glass doors down there anyway? And no curtains!"_

_Marie hit the button to shut the garage door. The door began sliding down behind them as they entered the shadowy house. Marie's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She slowed her steps, the clacking of her heels sounding loudly on the wooden flooring. "That's odd… Mom and Daddy always have the lights on when it starts getting dark."_

_Evie shrugged. "Well, both their cars are here. Maybe they went for a bike ride? They do that. And it's finally nice enough out to go for awhile."_

_Marie nodded, flipping light switches as the two made their way across the first floor towards her room. They settled into the wildly colored room, kicking off their shoes and changing into their more comfortable pajamas. They grabbed their candy and soda laden purses and headed towards the basement stairs._

_Before descending into the basement, Evie reached out and flicked on a light at the top of the stairs. Marie had gone ahead, and another light flicked on at the bottom of the staircase. Evie started down the stairs when a scream tore through the silence._

"_MARIE! Are you okay? Why are you screaming? Did you see a spider or something? I'll get it, don't worry!" Evie careened down the last of the stairs, but was drawn up short at the sight in front of her friend, crouched on the ground, sobbing next to the bodies of her parents. Marie was shaking her father as her dog nudged the joined hands of the two bodies. They had gaping holes in their chests._

"_DADDY! DADDYDADDYDADDY! Wake up! Please wake up! I'll call the hospital! They're your friends! They know you! They have to help you! You and mommy! You can't DIE!"_

_A shrill scream broke through the open basement doors from the woods and Marie's dog, Holmes, began growling and snarling. Marie continued sobbing, clutching at the still warm bodies of her parents, soaking her shirt in blood. Evie stepped forward, picking up her friend's purse and reaching for Marie's arm._

"_Marie… Something isn't right. We need to leave. We have to get out of here. Look at Holmes. He NEVER growls. He's terrified. Whoever did this to your parents could still be around. We need to be smart. You can't break down now."_

_Marie shook her head. "I can't leave them! I can't leave them like this! The hospital could still do something!"_

_Evie began to respond when something pale flashed out of the shadows. Marie screamed, falling backwards away from the strange creature screaming and snarling at her. Just as it was about to reach her, Holmes barreled into it, knocking the monster off balance. It still managed to slash Marie's face, slashing deep gashes across her lower left cheek. Holmes stood in front of her, facing off against the tiny terror._

_Evie grabbed Marie's arm, forcibly hauling her to her feet, pulling her back towards the stairs. "MARIE! We need to get out of here, NOW!"_

"_NO! No, I can't leave Holmes! I can't let him die! HOLMES!" Marie tried pulling away from Evie's grip. The creature shrieked and made another lunge for the two girls. They both screamed and threw their arms up in an attempt to ward off their attacker._

_A snarling howl broke through the higher pitched noises and the small beagle attacked the pale monstrosity. The alien beast screamed again, blood gushing from the bite wound inflicted by the small dog. Holmes' howl climbed in pitch suddenly, before it was cut off by a panicked cough as the creature's blood trickled down the brave dog's throat._

_Marie screamed again, crying for her dog as he toppled over, gasping for breath and making small, pained noises. Evie, tears streaming down her face, tugged on her friend once more, this time managing to get her up a step. Marie began back down the stairs, when the injured beast charged for them a third time._

_The two girls screamed, running up the stairs, tears blinding them. Marie continued calling for her dog and her parents, while Evie screamed at Marie to focus and to keep up. In all the ruckus, neither noticed another of the small pale demons above a cabinet in the dining room._

_Another scream joined the first and Evie looked back to check on Marie. She stumbled over the leg of a chair, just as the alien launched itself off the top of the cabinet towards her face. The young creature misjudged the trajectory of Evie's fall, its claws cutting across the bridge of her nose, rather than gouging out her eyes._

_Evie cried out in pain and threw the small bugger as far from her as she could, before continuing to drag Marie towards the garage. She opened the door to the garage, slamming the door behind them as Marie finally broke out of her daze. Marie pulled her car keys from her purse and the two scrambled back into the van as a series of loud thuds came from the door behind them._

_Marie hit the garage door opener and began backing out before it had opened all the way, as several more of the monsters lunged for the vehicle. Marie slammed on the gas and careened into the street, bending part of the garage door in her haste to escape._

_Marie drove them away, face bleeding, tears still running down her face. Evie sat in shocked silence, nervously twisting her hair, wishing she knew what to say. She opened her mouth, ready to try and comfort Marie, when a choked gasp of horror came out. Marie didn't look over, but asked what was wrong._

"_Marie… What if it's happening everywhere?"_

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Chatter stared at Evie for a few seconds, then over to where Marie was checking out some tires. He had a small frown on his face. "That's a really sad story. I'm sorry. My dad has scars. His aren't so sad. He got one of them by wrestling a zombie elephant! He TOLD me so!"

Evie giggled at the teen when Bossman spoke up from behind her. "That's a very good story and I'll make sure to tell it to you sometime. But, we have a situation right now."

Marie perked up, a tire looped over her arm, and sent an "I TOLD you so!" glance at Evie. Evie rolled her eyes and turned back to Bossman. "What's happened?"

"Well, we seem to have a rather large group of Xenos heading our way."

Evie quirked an eyebrow. "How large is large?"

Bossman stroked his trim beard. "Weeelll… Enough that we can't count them all. And there seem to be more joining every minute."

Marie walked to stand next to Evie, face deadpan. "Oh joy."

Bossman nodded. "Indeed. So, the caravans have pooled their resources to hire me and my boys. You want a cut? Your expertise would be valuable."

The two women looked at each other. Marie shrugged. Evie turned back to the large man. "What would you need us to do?"

"You'd do what you usually do as Red Herrings. Get as many of those buggers away as possible. There's a set up nearby, done by one of the locals. They'll get you a map and point out where it is. Then you'd rejoin us and we'll all be on our merry way, once we finish off the left overs. Sound good?"

Marie glowered at Evie. "Goners has gotten enough battle wounds this year. And those books are sounding really nice. We don't NEED another job. We can just go while the going's good."

Bossman leveled his steely gaze at Marie. "They've got corn. And they're willing to give you all the tires that fit your van."

Evie gazed at her still disgruntled partner. "Marie… Maybe they have sweet corn. It's been FOREVER since we've had good sweet corn!"

Marie continued glaring. "I'll just bet it's feed corn. That stuff isn't good for eating and you know that."

"Tires for Goners, Marie… For FREE. I KNOW you love FREE stuff!" Evie continued wheedling.

Marie began stomping towards Goners. "FINE. You're just going to keep bothering me about it until I give up anyway. Let's just get this over with."

Chatter began tugging on his father's sleeve. "Dad! Hey, do I get to be on the com? Please? PleasepleasepleasePLEEEAAASE?"

Bossman looked down at his son's hopeful face and smiled. "If you're good and don't yatter on too much, I'm sure you can. Let's get going to plan strategy."


	3. The Pursuit is Set in Motion

Author's Note: Hello again! We return with yet another chapter. This one may explain a few things, including several one shots. Plot holes shall be filled! Ish. The Plot Bunnies don't always obey.

Thanks to everyone that reviewed! We like you! And Cream Puff? Here are your Predators. We ARE showing you what we got.

We hope you all enjoy this chapter. Read and Review, please! It makes us happy.

Disclaimer: We don't own anything. We are not making money. Seriously.

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Chapter 2: The Pursuit is Set in Motion

Tvrtko lounged in his bunk, admiring a few of the trophies he had deemed worthy enough to bring with him on this journey. It was relatively quiet, as his three roommates were out. He was enjoying the peace and privacy while he could. He rolled onto his back, eyes sliding shut. It was difficult trading sleeping shifts with Dho'mago'te, but necessary. If they both slept at the same time, there was a possibility that one, or both, of them would wake up injured. More than likely it would be him.

He scowled, wondering how Dho'mago'te had managed to convince him that the top bunk was the best choice for the larger of them. Sighing, he resigned himself to never understanding his friend's tricks. He settled in, preparing to rest his eyes for a bit, when a shadow covered him. Opening his eyes, he locked gazes with the object of his mild irritation.

"Hey, Tvrtko? I have a question." The red warrior said as continued leaning over the bunk, head quirked to one side.

"What is it?"

"I heard that the very young_ Kainde Amedha_ look like parts of our body. And the EGGS look like FEMALE parts. Is it TRUE?"

Tvrtko blinked, then glowered at Dho'mago'te. "Having never seen one of the eggs OR a female part, I can't say if it's true or not. "

Dho'mago'te furrowed his brow. Gesturing towards his lower body, he pressed further. "But, what about the OTHER part? Do they really look like us?"

Tvrtko quirked his eyebrow, smirking. "Once again, I wouldn't know. You have more experience in THAT area."

Dho'mago'te pulled back, gaping as he contemplated his partner's words, a look of scandalized horror stealing across his features. With a roar, he yanked Tvrtko from his bunk and a wrestling match commenced.

As the two were rolling about on the floor, their other two roommates entered. Gazing in confusion at the roiling pile of limbs on the floor, they looked at each other and shrugged.

"Idiots."

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Tvrtko and Dho'mago'te were blowing off some steam with a sparring match. It had already been a long journey, and there was still a long ways to go. The two circled each other, hunting for openings.

Tvrtko spotted a gap in Dho'mago'te's defense and lunged, trying to get in a solid hit. The taller warrior noticed the hole and grabbed Tvrtko's wrist, stopping the punch, before hauling the dark warrior above his head. Tvrtko thrashed, trying to get out of his partner's grasp.

"Hey, Tvrtko? I have a question."

Tvrtko paused in his struggles, staring down into Dho'mago'te's curious face in mild disbelief. "NOW? It couldn't have waited until AFTER the match?"

"No, it couldn't. It's important."

Tvrtko sighed, resigning himself to, once again, attempting to answer one of Dho'mago'te's stupid questions. Dho'mago'te's serious face was the only thing keeping him from taking advantage of his comrade's distraction and escaping. "Well?"

"Why do we have to Hunt?"

Tvrtko rolled his eyes. "I already answered this question when we first became hunting partners."

Dho'mago'te frowned. "You didn't. You just told me why YOU had to Hunt. You didn't answer about people like me, who have other goals."

Tvrtko whipped one of his fists down onto Dho'mago'te's head, causing the large warrior to lose his grip. The smaller dropped, rolling as he hit the floor, standing into a defensive position. He lunged forward at his recovering friend, unleashing a few blows, before landing a solid kick to his legs, sending Dho'mago'te to the floor.

The larger warrior blinked before standing, glowering at Tvrtko. "FINE. DON'T answer then. I don't care anyway. I'm going to get something to eat."

As Dho'mago'te walked to the door, he stopped as Tvrtko spoke.

"I really don't know why Yautja hunt. It's just the way it is."

Dho'mago'te smiled sadly over his shoulder, waving, before vanishing into the hall.

Tvrtko frowned, cursing the fact that Dho'mago'te thought about things too much.

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Tvrtko stood in front of a flickering screen, researching the _Oomans_ and their planet. He knew the stories and legends, but he wanted the facts, not fiction.

As he continued his perusal, he failed to notice Dho'mago'te slipping up next to him, reading over his shoulder.

"Hey, Tvrtko? I have a question."

Tvrtko started, whirling to face the large warrior. "What is it THIS time?"

"Is it true that _Ooman_ females are in heat ALL the time?"

Tvrtko looked at him, before turning back to his screen. "Why do you think I know the answer to these things? You're the one that's so interested in _Oomans_. Why don't YOU go find out?"

Dho'mago'te made a face, imitating a gagging noise. "That's nasty! Who does that? Besides, they'd break too easily. I need a REAL woman."

The black skinned warrior continued skimming his document. "As if any REAL women would want you."

Dho'mago'te huffed. "As if any of them would choose YOU. They'd definitely choose ME over YOU. No contest."

"You keep telling yourself that. Besides, it's not how big you are. It's how you use it."

The red warrior let his mouth hang open. It opened and shut a few times as he attempted to form a good retort. He snarled, turning to stomp off. "As if any of the females would let you try and prove that! And MY trophy case is better than YOURS anyway! So there!"

Tvrtko waited until his friend had stormed away around the corner before chuckling to himself.

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Tvrtko was not happy. He felt crowded. He disliked most of the other Yautja on the ship, and hated most of the rest. It had been a long trip and he was ready to break away from the other Young Bloods. They were the ones that irritated him the most.

Scowling at the others gathering with him in the training room, he continued checking for Dho'mago'te. They were due to get their coordinates for the _Ooman_ planet today.

Finally, he spotted his friend's head, well above the others surrounding him. Dho'mago'te made his way to Tvrtko and leaned against the wall to Tvrtko's right.

"Hey, Tvrtko?"

Tvrtko interrupted his comrade. "Dho'mago'te. If this is another of your stupid questions, I would consider rethinking asking it. I am NOT in a good mood."

Dho'mago'te paused for a moment, thinking, then opened his mouth again. "Do –"

Whatever Dho'mago'te had been about to ask was cut short by the sound of Tvrtko releasing his wrist blades. Dho'mago'te looked down at the weapons, then to Tvrtko's face and back to the blades. He frowned, turning from his shorter partner, and proceeded to stare at the floor.

Tvrtko returned his blades to their proper place and continued glaring out at the mob before him.

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The ship was nearing its destination. All the Young Bloods had gathered to receive their orders from the Elder in charge of their ship. Many of the young males were jostling each other, with occasional brawls breaking out. Two of the Yautja were off to the side of the general chaos, trying to ignore the others about them. The larger of the two, who was reddish in color, was staring pensively at the floor. He looked to his left, down to his shadowy partner. "What do you think the meaning of life is?"

Tvrtko refused to even think about a decent response. "42."

Dho'mago'te quirked his head, obviously pondering his friend's answer. "Wait, that doesn't make any sense! What does a number have to do with anything?"

Tvrtko finally looked up, exasperated, when the room became mostly silent, with the exception of one wrestling match in the far end of the room. This was quickly ended when the Elder strode in, cape billowing behind him. He stood at the front of the room, gazing imperiously about the space. When this did not inspire the proper awe from the battling twosome, he went over and delivered a swift kick to each of the combatants, separating them with ease.

One of the fighters whirled about, ready to fight the interloper, until he realized who it was that had interrupted them. The young male blanched, trilling his apology, before slinking into the surrounding crowd. The Elder nodded, well satisfied, before returning to the front of the room. Looking out at the sea of Yautja, he scowled. "We are near to our destination, as you have no doubt realized. You idiots will soon be assigned your posts on the _Ooman_ planet. Listen closely for your names."

In groups of two or three, the Young Bloods were called forward for their coordinates. As the processing continued, the two Yautja on the outskirts were called and they went forward through the crowd of other males. Insults were whispered towards them, but the two partners ignored the harsh words.

"_Kainde Amedha_ spawn."

"His father is so short that his mother mistook him for an _Ooman_."

"He's so cowardly, he hides behind the biggest Yautja to be found."

A foot shot out of the crowd, attempting to trip up Tvrtko. He easily avoided the idiotic effort at sabotage. He continued on towards the front, when he noticed Dho'mago'te was missing. Turning back, he saw that his friend had lifted the offending male off the ground, snarling into his face.

Tvrtko struggled to hide his smile. "Dho'mago'te. Come. We've _Kainde Amedha_ to hunt. Besides, that wouldn't make a good trophy."

The red giant promptly dropped the flailing fool, turning to catch up to Tvrtko. The fallen Yautja got to his feet, visibly shaken and pretending he was not affected.

As Dho'mago'te reached Tvrtko, a voice came out from the crowd.

"_Ooman_ lover!"

Dho'mago'te shrugged. He was used to such insults. He started when a surprised bellow came from behind him. He looked over his shoulder to see Tvrtko's wrist blades buried in the gut of the Yautja who had been foolish enough to continue the insults.

Dho'mago'te pouted. "No fair, Tvrtko! How come YOU get to hurt one? I NEVER get to hurt them!"

Tvrtko calmly unsheathed his weapon from the torso it was currently residing in. "I don't know what you're talking about. My blades slipped. He just happened to be in the way. That's all."

The rest of the mob prepared to launch an attack, some roaring challenges, when the Elder intervened. "That happens to me all the time. Stupid idiots standing too close to weapons. Shame on them. Now get to the front."

Dho'mago'te and Tvrtko readily complied, shooting each other questioning glances. Why would an Elder step in on their behalf? No one else ever had.

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They knew where they were stationed. It was some dry area in the lower portion of the landmass in the upper hemisphere. It wasn't the best location, but the best hunting areas were given to the more experienced hunters. It was only proper.

Tvrtko and Dho'mago'te were walking back towards their lodgings to rest. They needed to be at their best in this Hunt. Conversing about battle strategy, they were brought up short by a larger group of other Young Bloods.

Tvrtko and Dho'mago'te eyed the others around them, cautious. This wasn't the first time they had been attacked. Dho'mago'te spoke first. "We'd like to pass. Please move."

The leader of the rabble strode up to the giant. "Feel free to leave, Dho'mago'te. We just want the small one."

Dho'mago'te shook his head. "I will stay with Tvrtko. Let us pass, So'zilr."

So'zilr chittered angrily. "Why do you stand with that disgrace to all Hunters? He isn't worthy to be among us. All of his other blood relations are inferior. One of them even fled in shame, branded a Bad Blood! Why don't you leave him and join with those who are worthy of you?"

Dho'mago'te frowned. Tvrtko had been clenching his fist, keeping his fury in check. The larger warrior looked down at the Yautja insulting his partner. "Tvrtko IS the only one worthy of me. He is a thousand times the Hunter any of you will ever be. And HE wouldn't have allowed prey to injure him so."

Reaching a hand to his lower left mandible, scarred and torn from acid burns on his Blooding hunt, So'zilr snarled in rage. "Fine. Continue being a fool. We'll simply teach you a lesson along with the worthless one."

The gang took this as their cue to begin closing in their circle, surrounding Dho'mago'te and Tvrtko. Wrist blades were unsheathed, threats uttered, yet the two in the center remained unimpressed.

So'zilr and one other charged for Dho'mago'te, blades at the ready. The red warrior handled them easily, deflecting their blades with his own, sending So'zilr flying with one solid punch. The other Yautja threw his own attacks, but Dho'mago'te grabbed his opponent's wrist, whipping him about, and hurled the helpless attacker into a nearby wall.

A third attacker had charged for Tvrtko, marking the small black one as an easy win. He readied his dagger, fully focused on his target. Tvrtko stood calmly, watching, waiting. At the last second, before the weapon hit, Tvrtko pushed off, vaulting over the head of the startled Young Blood. The dark warrior landed behind his attacker, kicking him in the small of the back.

The offender sprawled on the floor, scrambling for his dropped dagger, trying to get up and prepare to face Tvrtko once more. As Tvrtko prepared to strike with his wrist blades and Dho'mago'te prepared to throw more Yautja into the walls, a voice cut through the din.

"WHAT is going on here? All of you! You're being sent out soon! Go to your bunks and prepare!"

An older male came down the hall, his own weapons ready to knock disobedient heads. The younger males backed off and dispersed, still snarling insults and threats towards the misfits. Dho'mago'te stood straight, ensuring that all of his own weapons were still in place.

He and Tvrtko left as well, keeping an even closer eye out for any surprise attacks. It was not an honorable way to attack, but it had happened previously. Dho'mago'te gazed down at his partner. "Tvrtko? Are you well?"

Tvrtko didn't look up and gazed angrily ahead. "That idiot didn't hit me. He'd never be able to."

Dho'mago'te hesitated, before trying again. "I did not mean physically. I know you are a great warrior. I meant about, you know, what they said. You usually don't stay angry this long."

Tvrtko sighed, finally looking his friend in the eye. "Why do you stay with me, Dho'mago'te? You are also a great warrior. I'm sure if you did join them, or join as a partner with others of your clan, you wouldn't go through this. You would be highly respected."

"I stay with you because you are whom I wish to hunt with. No others can compare to your speed and skill."

The two stepped into their quarters, the other two Yautja already asleep in their respective bunks. Dho'mago'te hauled his huge form into the upper bunk, making it creak ominously, before the noise quieted. Tvrtko slid underneath, staring up into the darkness. The two lay in silence for many moments.

"Tvrtko… Is it true? About the Bad Blood." Dho'mago'te whispered into the darkness.

Sighing, the small warrior turned on his side, facing the wall. "He was desperate. I can't fault him. A warrior should not be trapped as he was."

The silence descended once more and Dho'mago'te offered to take the first watch. Tvrtko declined, saying he wished to stay up longer. The red Yautja settled in, easily slipping into slumber, his deep breathing sounding loudly in the quiet.

Tvrtko continued staring at nothing, thinking.

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Their small transporter sped through the thin atmosphere of the _Ooman_ planet and the two Yautja gazed down upon their specified hunting territory. Dho'mago'te snorted. "It looks so BORING. I can't see any _Kainde Amedha_ at all. And where's the cover?"

Tvrtko carefully steered the craft towards a good landing site. "Boring or not, this is where we must hunt. We'll be fine."

Dho'mago'te sat back in his seat, glowering out the window at the surrounding desert. "Can't we explore a bit before we land? They don't need to hear from us for another day or so. Let's go into the cold zones while we still can. This could be our only chance!"

Tvrtko thought on this. He wasn't exactly thrilled with their hunting grounds either. And this WAS their first time to the lands of the _Oomans_. "All right, but only into the areas that weren't assigned yet. I don't wish to encroach on another's territory."

Dho'mago'te nodded enthusiastically and their ship turned, heading into the cold zone.

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Dho'mago'te was gazing out the window, taking in the varying scenery they passed over. Suddenly, his eyes caught sight of something odd. "Hey, Tvrtko? I have a question."

Looking up from his meters, Tvrtko glared. "I told you, that if you said that one more time –"

"Look! This is important! That grouping of _Kainde Amedha_ are acting strangely! Can we check it out? Don't stab me!"

Tvrtko tilted the ship, allowing himself a view of the plains below. He then understood Dho'mago'te's confusion.

Below them was a fairly large grouping of _Kainde Amedha_, which in and of itself was not unusual. What WAS strange was that some of the beasts were breaking off, chasing a small object. The herd began following after whatever the moving speck was, beginning a chase.

The two looked at each other, before Tvrtko nodded and set the ship on a parallel course, to follow the herd.

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The Yautja gazed down from their vantage point, curiously watching the spectacle unfolding in front of them. An _Ooman_ vehicle was charging through the dusty plain, blasting noise, with a hundred odd _Kainde Amedha_ behind it.

Tvrtko shook his head, ready to turn back to their parked ship. "Come, Dho'mago'te. There's no point in watching this any further. Those stupid _Oomans_ can't escape while making that much noise. They'll be dead in minutes."

Dho'mago'te continued looking down from the cliff, cocking his head to one side as the small transporter vanished into a canyon, the _Kainde Amedha_ following close behind, though a few broke off here and there.

Turning his back as well, Dho'mago'te began to follow his partner, when a huge explosion rocked the landscape, sending the two warriors into defensive crouches. When they established it was no attack on them, the turned back to the plain.

A cloud of dust soared into the air where the canyon had been, the cliffs reduced to a monstrous pile of rubble. The _Ooman _vehicle appeared from out of the haze, shooting back the way it had come, now silent.

Dho'mago'te broke the shocked silence, sending out a loud whoop. "That was GREAT! Did you SEE that, Tvrtko? No one ever said the _Oomans_ used tactics like that! Just look at how many _Kainde Amedha_ they killed in one shot! Do you think we could try that sometime?"

Tvrtko didn't like where this was going. "No. We have to leave, Dho'mago'te. We have our hunting location. We can't stay any longer."

The two started again when another burst was heard. A bright light shone in the darkening sky, shining clearly for miles. It seemed to have come again from the _Ooman_s.

"We have to follow them!" Dho'mago'te pleaded with his friend. "Just look at how clever they are! We can learn so much! For SCIENCE!"

Tvrtko wavered. He did wish to observe these _Oomans_, but he had no desire to anger any of the leaders, particularly the Elder. "We really shouldn't, Dho'mago'te. I know they seem interesting, but we have our orders. Besides, they're just _Oomans."_

Dho'mago'te pouted, gazing at the quickly vanishing vehicle. He quickly came to a decision and took off after the _Ooman_ warriors. He knew Tvrtko wouldn't leave him behind.

Staring at the retreating back of his friend, Tvrtko sighed, before turning on his cloaking device. He easily caught up to the larger warrior. "If you don't want to be discovered, you could at LEAST cloak yourself."

Dho'mago'te grinned behind his mask, switching on his device, and the two Yautja ran, pursuing their new prey.


	4. The Plan Goes Horribly Awry

Author's Note: If this chapter seems vaguely familiar, you're imagining it… … No, you're not. We apologize that you have to read this event again, as it was a one shot over in The Minivan Escapades. Please read this anyway, as it WILL be different. This is version 2.14159! More filling! With less trans fats!

Disclaimer: *drooling* If only…

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Chapter Three: The Plan Goes Horribly Awry

Bouncing along, Evie kept a hand close to the radio transmitter. The two were both anxiously waiting for a response of some kind to their flare. Theta team had been in charge of setting off a responding flare, but it had been half an hour and there had been nothing. Marie was gripping the wheel tightly, getting more and more afraid as the sun finished setting.

Evie didn't bother trying to reassure her friend. Nothing would be able to. Not while the Xenomorphs were still out there.

Marie's left eye was twitching wildly, hands clenching and unclenching, teeth grinding. "Evie… There's been no response. Let's just leave. We have plenty to last the winter. We don't need whatever the caravans were going to give us."

Evie shook her head. "We need to find out about Bossman and Chatter. Put them down if we need to."

"But it's nighttime! Those spiders could be anywhere and we would never know it! PLEASE Evie! I can't stand this!"

Evie felt bad seeing the pure terror on her partner's face. Marie had been afraid of the dark BEFORE there had actually been anything out to get them. It was sad how much Marie had changed. Evie shook herself out of that train of thought. It wasn't Marie's fault.

"Evie?"

Those green eyes looked at her, worried. Evie smiled. "Look, I know you hate driving at night, or doing ANYTHING at night, but we need to stick with the plan. Maybe Theta team got taken out, but Alpha and Beta could still be alive and need our help. We need to get in radio range and see what's what, okay?"

Marie nodded, returning her gaze to the front as the red lit headlights glowed in the dark. Evie kept a careful watch as well. Several more minutes passed in silence. The two jumped and screamed as the radio crackled to life, Marie accidentally making the car swerve wildly in her fright. Evie caught her breath, reaching down to pick up the hand set.

A voice came through the radio. "Alpha to Herrings. This is Alpha Chatter, roger roger! Over!"

Evie sighed. "Herring Two, here, Chatter. What's your status? Over."

"Single! And looking for a lovely woman to share my life with. Over."

Marie shook her head as Evie giggled. "I think you're going to have that status for a good long time, Chatter. Now, in all seriousness, WHAT IS GOING ON? Over."

There was a pause over the radio waves before Chatter returned. "Well, Herring Two, we seem to have hit a small SNAFU. Over."

"You WOULD make a rhyme. What's your SNAFU? Over."

"You see, we've lost contact with Theta. They are MIA, assumed D-E-D. And that, my lovely ladies, is because you missed at LEAST half the horde. Over!"

Marie glared at the radio set, flipping the bird in its general direction. Evie smiled. "Herring One does NOT appreciate the implications of that statement. Over."

A different voice came through the hand set. "All right, enough flirting, you morons. Herrings, we need your assistance. Over."

Evie sat up, alarmed. Bossman NEVER did communications. "What's up, Bossman? Over."

"We need you to be part of a pincer strike against the Xenos. They've got us pinned up against Bobbie's Cliff. Since Theta is gone, we need you two to take its place and help Beta get us out of here. Over."

"We're still a ways away. How much longer can you all last? Over."

Bossman sounded grim. "About an hour, give or take. We've already lost three men. And Chatter is tied up at the com. Over."

Before the radio signal broke, a scream came through, making Marie and Evie jump once more. Evie immediately radioed back. "What the HELL was that? Over!"

"Just loss number four. I TOLD them to look up. Why don't they EVER look up? Especially when we're up against a cliff! Of COURSE the Xenos are going to climb down it. They're sneaky bastards. Over."

Evie sighed. "Look, give us twenty minutes, give or take, depending on Marie's driving and if we run into anything on the way there. Make sure Beta waits for us. Over."

"Will do. Good luck, Herrings. Over."

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The woods whipped by as Marie put the pedal to the metal. Evie clung to whatever she could, trying to get the weapons and packs ready at the same time. A fight was bound to happen. Best to be prepared.

Evie looked over, having heard a particularly vicious bout of teeth grinding. "Marie, seriously, you need to relax. We're going to be fine."

"I TOLD you not to take this job! I TOLD you! I don't like this AT ALL."

Evie was about to try reassuring her comrade, when she caught the barest flicker of motion from in front of them. Her eyes widened as she saw a group of Xenomorphs loitering in the middle of the road ahead of them. "MARIE! VELOCIRAPTOR ATTACK!"

Marie promptly whipped the car into reverse, narrowly avoiding the two other groups of Xenos that came charging at the sides of the van. As the car zoomed backwards, Evie popped open the sun roof window and began firing into the group of thirty odd monsters. She ducked back down into the vehicle to reload. "We don't have time for this! I'm going to use the grenades. Be ready to break the line when they go off."

Marie glanced over. "Are you sure that's a good idea? Anything within hearing range will come running. I don't want to risk drawing any more of these things to us."

Evie finished attaching the under mounted grenade launcher to her gun. "We don't have any other choice. We HAVE to get through here to get to Alpha. Besides, maybe we can draw some of the heat off of them."

Marie nodded, hand on the gear shift. Evie shot back through the roof, throwing two grenades to either side of the black pack charging them, urging them closer together. She then took aim with her grenade launcher and shot into the center of the mass.

The ensuing explosion was enough to make a small hole in the horde and Marie took her chance, switching to drive and forcing the car forward, dodging past the reeling beasts. One was still coherent enough to lunge, latching onto the side of the vehicle, sending Marie into fits.

"AAGH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GOOONEERSS!"

Evie would have rolled her eyes, but she was too busy leaning out the window and hitting the Xenomorph on the head with the butt of her gun, trying to dislodge the tenacious creature. "You heard the lady! GET OFF THE CAR!"

When her head bashing tactic failed, Evie scrambled away from her window and into the back, where the beast had its claws dug through the side. Evie began attempting to pry the talons loose, with little luck. She snarled in frustration. "These stupid things and their stupid acidy blood and our inability to shoot them while they're on the car!"

The monster had almost reached the open front window. It unlatched one of its front arms, reaching into the passenger side, when it was introduced, rather painfully, to a cement pylon at the start of a bridge. It was torn loose, taking a chunk of the passenger side door with it as it fell down the cliff face to its death.

Evie got back into the front, reloading her weapons, looking over at Marie. Marie was quiet. Too quiet. It was at this point that Evie got terribly worried. "Marie? Sweetie, Marv will be able to fix Goners. Goners has gone through a lot worse and come out fine."

This did not reassure Marie. She slowly turned her head towards Evie, in a manner reminiscent of The Exorcism. The blank, green stare did less to reassure the lanky woman of her safety. Marie smiled, the same smile that serial killers made before they killed their next victim. "Evie… Isn't it YOUR job to make sure no spiders get on the car? I think it is. Now, why ever did you let one TEAR A CHUNK OUT OF GONERS?"

Evie tried to defend herself. "HEY! Next time I'll drive and YOU can try and get the damn things off without damaging the car! See how easy it is!"

Marie sniffed haughtily. "YOU don't have a driver's license."

Evie wanted to slap Marie, but she threw her arms up instead. "What does that even have to DO with anything? There's no one around anymore who cares about that shit!"

"I care! And so does Goners. Don't you, Goners? You don't LIKE being driven by AMATEURS. No you don't!"

"Stop talking to the car!"

The two continued bickering for a bit before lapsing into sullen silence, each believing they were right and the other wrong. Evie gazed out the window, watching for any further side attacks, when she looked down the hill. Gasping, she swept up her weapons. "MARIE! Stop the car!"

Marie hit the brakes, whipping her head back and forth. "Where are they? How many? Don't let them get Goners!"

Evie opened her door and began down the hillside, into the tree line. "I think I saw a kid being chased by a Xeno. I'm going after it. There may still be time to save it."

Marie yelled after her. "EVIE! We don't have time! Don't be a hero! You told me that rule!"

Waving over her shoulder dismissively, Evie kept advancing into the darkness. Marie clambered out of the van, clutching her gun, inching closer to the edge of the road. "EVIE! Don't go down there! Please! Don't leave me! I don't want to be alone! EVIE!"

The short haired woman sighed, feeling guilty at causing Marie so much more stress. She didn't know how much Marie could take anymore. "Look, I'll be fine. Just stay at the car and I'll be right back. Alpha team can hold out for a couple of minutes more. They're tough."

Marie whimpered as Evie vanished into the dark. The bespectacled woman paced back and forth, still anxiously calling out after her friend. Looking from the van to the forest and back again, Marie got the car off the road and hidden, grabbed her own weapons, and charged after her comrade.

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Evie kept running, following the terrified screams of the child and the shrieks of the beast following it. She hoped she could make it in time. If only she could save the child…

A particularly awful yell filled the night air, followed by silence. Evie hoped it wasn't what she thought it was and she shot off, following the residual echo. She broke into the clearing and tried to keep the bile rising in her throat down.

The Xenomorph was busy tearing chunks out of the small body. It swallowed those pieces whole, going back and digging out more with its teeth and claws. The face of the little boy was towards her, staring at her with unseeing blue eyes. She wanted to cry. The boy looked too much like her own brother.

Evie readied her weapon, pushing the awful thoughts from her head, pushing them down and locking them away, just like always. It was the only thing keeping her sane. The Xenomorph looked up, hissing and snarling and she was ready to give it her best, when 300 odd pounds of pure killing power thudded into her back from the tree tops.

Claws tore at her pack, trying to reach the soft flesh of her body. She tried to get away, but the new Xenomorph just kept lifting her and slamming her to the ground. Evie felt lucky that she'd avoided breaking any bones so far. She wished she hadn't been so quick to leave Marie behind. This never would have happened with that paranoid lunatic guarding her back.

She scrambled for the knife in her boot, desperate to cut herself loose from her pack, when the weight was knocked away from her and she was sent flying. She struggled to sit up, feeling sick and dizzy, hating herself for getting such awful motion sickness so easily.

She found herself gazing upon the severed arm of the child, missing a few fingers and sizzling quietly as the acidic blood from the boy's killer ate through the corpse. Once again she kept herself from hurling, grabbing her gun, giving no thought as to how the first Alien had been killed. Dead was dead, she would worry about the rest later.

She stood, bringing the gun up. Evie looked around, spotting two black things fighting. One was clearly a Xenomorph, but the other just looked like a man in black armor. Evie quirked her head, watching the deadly fight. "Maybe I should invest in some armor… it could be helpful. I'll work on that later."

She caught sight of movement behind her and she turned, dodging backwards as a tail lashed down, attempting to spear her. A third Alien had appeared, looking right at her. She adjusted her grip, baring her own teeth and hissing a warning.

Evie and her opponent watched each other, but the Xeno was clearly young and impatient. It threw itself forward, calling its challenge, ready to slaughter.

Evie grinned. This was EXACTLY the type of Xenomorph she liked killing best. Good to get them when they're young and stupid, before they got any smarter. As the beast bound towards her, she readied her shot. She was low on her armor piercing rounds and had to make sure all of her shots counted.

Breathing deeply, she calmed herself and stilled, waiting for the perfect opportunity. The Xeno reared up, ready to bring its claws down and rend her to bits. She pulled the trigger, sending it into the torso of the monster and she darted away.

It howled, writhing from the burning mass of expanding metal in its chest. Evie smiled a wicked grin. "I MUST remember to thank Marie for the hollow point suggestion. They really do so much more damage."

The beast stood on shaky legs, still snarling. Sighing, Evie brought up her weapon again. They never gave up. It ran for her again and this time she meant to put it out of its misery inducing existence. She crouched low, knowing it would try leaping at her from above. If she could just hit that sweet spot right under the jaws…

It did just as she predicted and she pulled the trigger once, twice, three times. Overkill, but she had to make sure. The bullets went right through and she rolled away, trying to avoid the blood splatter. Unfortunately she didn't move quite fast enough and her left leg was caught in the deadly rain of blood. Crying out in pain, she sliced the fabric away from her, to keep any more of the blood from eating through her skin.

Gazing down at the burning, sizzling meat of her calf, Evie winced, knowing that it would scar, just like all the others did. She stood, trying not to cry. "I feel pretty, so goddamned pretty…"

She turned to face her rescuer. He had easily finished off three of the monsters on his own and was doing something to the bodies.

Some noise she made must have startled him, because the man stood and turned to face her. He had on a strange mask. She rested her gun on her shoulder. "Hey, thanks for the help. And the armor and mask? Great ideas. How well does it stand up to the acid?"

As the man moved closer, Evie squinted in the dim light. It was at this point she realized that, what she had taken for armor, was actually his SKIN. Her blue eyes widened in horror, looking up at a man, a monster?, easily a head taller than her and much stronger. She took a step backwards. "Oh, goddamn it all."

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Marie cursed as she tripped over a rock and tumbled down the rest of the hill. Coming to a stop, she shook her head and stood, turning towards where she assumed the offending clump of mineral was. Stomping her foot, she proceeded to unleash the full magnitude of her foul language upon it.

"AND A POX UPON THE TONGUE OF YOUR FIRST BORN!" She panted, thoroughly annoyed and afraid. She took deep breaths, wanting to calm down. She forced herself to remember that noisy people ended up dead more often than not.

She heard crackling in the trees and pivoted, swinging up her sawed off shot gun and blasting a hole through the torso of a lunging spider. It was thrown backwards and she cackled in delight. "Thought you could get the jump on ME, eh? Well, not today Mr. Spider! NOT. TODAY!"

It hissed at her, still able to move. She prepped her gun, aiming to take it out at the neck. "Don't worry, spider. This shouldn't hurt. Too badly."

Unfortunately, the wounded one was not alone. A second beast shot out from the trees, launching itself over the bleeding body of its comrade, tackling Marie and sending her to the ground. Marie went down, howling in anger, blocking the beast's mouths with the shot gun barrel.

It gnashed at her, claws scrabbling to get hold of her, tail lashing, puncturing the ground scant centimeters from her face. She snarled back, feeling her arms weakening from the strain of holding the powerful head back.

The spider reared away, ready to send its jaws down again, when Marie swung the butt of her shotgun, hitting it squarely in the face. This was enough to knock its head to one side, giving her enough of a chance to do a back somersault, landing in a defensive crouch.

She looked down at her gun and wanted to hurl it at the offending monsters. "You assholes! You bent my shotgun! I have lovingly cared for this gun since this all started! And now it's RUINED! You stupid bastards! I hate you! AND you're ugly!"

The spider she had thrown off ran for her, but unfortunately was run into by its bleeding comrade. The two went crashing down in a pile of flailing limbs and tails and Marie took her chance. Throwing away her ruined shot gun, she pulled out her G36 mid range rifle and put a few bullets into the fray, hearing a pained yowl.

One of the beasties rose and she determined that it was the second one to arrive. The first, the one with the shotgun hole in its chest, lay still, blood oozing, killing everything in its wake.

Ignoring the corpse, Marie and the remaining one circled each other. It was wary of her now and she was pleased to note that she had gotten a bullet through one of its back legs. The slower these things got, the more chance she had of surviving.

The two stilled, watching each other. Silence filled the clearing. It charged forward and Marie shot, keeping it at a distance. They returned to waiting, watching for an opening. An explosion of noise broke through the night and Marie turned, realizing too late what a mistake she had made. Turning back around, she pulled the trigger just in time to knock the beast out of its intended trajectory.

Blood flew and she yelped as some landed on her thick over shirt. She could already feel the heat eating its way through her many layers of clothing and she pulled out one of her multiple knives, slashing the burning fabric away before the acid got to anything important. Like internal organs.

She was fast enough to save all the important bits, but her right arm wasn't so lucky. A few drops managed to get on her arm as she hacked away the rest of the dangerous clothing and she whimpered, a few tears escaping as she finished getting rid of most of her upper layers of clothing.

She stood clad in a men's undershirt and watched as her opponent hissed at her, trying to stand, before falling back into a puddle of its own blood. She smiled a cruel smile, her face sharpening into something horrible. "That's right, mother fucker. DIE. Die slowly and painfully, just like my family did. SUFFER."

Finally, it breathed its last and Marie turned to grab the shot gun. Scowling, she knew she was too late. The blood from the last kill had enveloped the metal and wood, burning and destroying perfectly good scraps. "You fuckers. You WOULD do that. Just to piss me the hell off when you couldn't kill me. Well, FINE. BE that way. I didn't need that scrap metal ANYWAY."

Turning on her heel, she stormed into the trees, cursing the spiders, the world, the limited ammunition and weapons supply and Evie, for insisting on running into this god forsaken forest. She heard the screams of Xenos from somewhere in front of her and she charged forward, breaking through the trees and into a clearing.

On the opposite side of the clearing was a man, kneeling on the ground, surrounded by spider bodies. Even kneeling she could tell he was NOT of average size. He was easily two or three times as broad as she was, and she wasn't exactly slim of build. Some sort of dreadlocks hung behind him, pulled into a ponytail. The rest of his ensemble seemed to consist of fishnets and a loincloth. Marie shrugged. To each their own. If he could kill spiders, who was she to judge what he wore?

She counted five full bodies easily, and some bits and pieces of others. Gazing at the massive amount of destruction, she heard a strange squelching noise. Looking up, her jaw dropped as the man tore the head of the spider off and forcibly removed its skull.

She wasn't sure whether to cheer or hurl. She decided that perhaps she should make herself known. She really didn't want to be mistaken for one of the spiders by this guy. "Hey! Hello! Huge guy over there! Hi! How ya doing?"

The man stood, whirling about, dropping the skull and pulling a strangely shaped, but LARGE, hammer from behind his back. She took a step away. "Oh, fuck a mother fucker."

She'd thought he'd just been way too into self tanning and had wound up that odd shade of reddish brown. But no amount of self tanner could turn normal skin into something resembling SCALES. The man looked at her, before roaring and charging towards her. Marie brought up her gun, and fired wildly.

Most of the shots went far afield, hitting trees or the already dead bodies of the spiders. Only one hit the man's head, ricocheting off the mask he wore with a ping. The man stopped and seemed to be startled, touching a hand to his mask, before charging forward again.

Pulling the trigger once more, a click resounded throughout the small forest space. Marie's eyes widened behind her glasses. "Oh, no you didn't, you bitch!"

Before she could fling anymore insults at her gun, the strange man grabbed her injured arm, hauling her off her feet. The grip on her arm sent her into spasm of pain, screaming and flailing and crying. The man ignored the ruckus, carefully observing the gun still clutched in her hand.

Marie gasped, gripping the gun even tighter. Her voice was raspy with pain. "You can take my home, you can take my world, but you CAN'T HAVE MY GUN!"

Her continued yelling seemed to make the man thing curious and he lifted her further, so that she was face to face with the mask. It vaguely reminded her of the knight helmets of Medieval times with its vertical slashes. The two stared curiously at each other for several minutes.

Apparently growing bored of looking at her face, the creature began looking the rest of her over. When its head stopped at a certain angle, Marie recalled that she was wearing a very thin, poorly cut tank top that revealed some of her bra.

Blushing, she squealed in outrage, flailing more while trying to cover her chest. "YOU JERK! Don't you be looking there! My face is up HERE! I'mma slap a ho if you don't stop right now!"

He ignored her and continued his perusal of her rather ample torso. Shrieking, Marie swung her free arm and backhanded the thing's head, the brass knuckles on her hand adding enough force to the slap that the mask was knocked askew.

The thing started and dropped her, reaching up to fix his mask. Wincing at the landing, Marie wished that her butt was more thoroughly padded, like it used to be. Marie got up and ran, vanishing into the trees as a strange blast shook through the area. She took off towards the van, praying that Evie had found her way back to it.

She looked back and caught the barest glimpse of the strange red… THING running a different direction, towards wherever the sound had come from. "Thank goodness for small favors."

She ran on, then slowed, mind finally shifting through what she had seen. Gulping, she took off again, muttering to herself. "I did NOT see a mandible, I did NOT see a mandible, I DID NOT SEE ANYTHING STRANGE!"

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Evie and the strange man stared at each other, scant yards separating them. Evie's mind was running on autopilot and all she really wanted to do was get the hell out of dodge. Slowly inching backwards, she began to ramble. "So, uh, yeah! Like I said, thanks for the save! I'm just going to, you know, go do. Stuff. Yeah. Important stuff. That you don't need to do. So, you just do whatever it is you're doing, like, over there and I'll just go this way and… Okay… Thanks. Good bye!"

She prepared to turn and run, when the thing flicked his wrist and two blades popped out. He ran forwards and Evie screamed, firing into his torso. One shot was deflected by the scanty chest armor that the creature wore but the next two hit solidly into his stomach. Vibrant green blood oozed from the holes, but he just kept coming!

Getting ready to fire again, the man reached her just as she pulled the trigger, hitting the barrel of the gun down and away from his central body mass. As the bullet flew, he roared as the bit of metal tore through his ankle, breaking a few bones before going out the other side. He stumbled back and Evie took her chance to run away as best she could, limping on her bad leg.

Panting from pain and exhaustion, Evie forced herself to keep moving. Marie was most likely waiting for her. She had to make it back. Marie couldn't survive if she didn't. She gasped at a particularly sharp jolt of pain, slowing her pace. "On the bright side, I crippled that thing, too. So, it's a race of the gimps!"

She pressed onwards and she noticed the trees thinning, more shrubs and grass appearing. Smiling, she sped up. "Almost… There! Hang on, Marie!"

Looking to her right, she spotted a trio of red dots following her. Realizing that being followed by red dots was NEVER a good thing, Evie threw herself to the ground just in time to avoid having her head blown off.

Instead, the blue blast hit a tree, shattering through it, sending debris and smoke all around as the once mighty pine fell, hitting the earth. Evie scrambled up, staying low, using the smoke as cover. Another blast went off behind her and she gave up limping, forcing her injured leg into motion as another, deeper, roar welled up behind her. "Whoever that is, I don't think I want to meet them!"

She made it up the hill and spotted Marie careening towards her. The trunk doors were open and Marie was yelling at her. "JUMP IN! I DON'T DARE STOP! YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT'S FOLLOWING YOU!"

Evie hurled herself after the van, landing and skidding inside as the doors began to close automatically. Rolling onto her back and sitting up, she heard a whirring noise and threw up her gun as a flash of light shot through the almost closed doors. The gun was knocked back into her head and the doors shut.

Whimpering, Evie rubbed the growing bump on her head. She looked down at the gun and her jaw dropped for what seemed like the millionth time that day. Stuck through the barrel of her gun was a shuriken like object, only much, much larger. Staring, she began to cry, realizing how close she had come to an ugly death.

Marie was driving even more wildly than normal; insistent on getting them the hell away from whatever the things were that had decided to chase them. As Evie got in the front, Marie tried to ignore the sobbing. It was hard to do when Evie tried to shove the gun in her face. Growling, the driver shoved the barrel away. "Damn it, Evie! I am TRYING to DRIVE here! In case you hadn't noticed, we need to get the FUCK AWAY FROM HERE!"

Evie just sobbed louder. "GUN! SHINY! POINTY! ALMOST IN FACE!"

Marie finally looked over and paled at the sight of the bladed weapon lodged halfway through the firearm. Hitting the gas pedal again, they tore away. Marie gripped the wheel, hunched over. "What the fuck? WHAT. THE. FUCK. WERE THEY?"

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Tvrtko and Dho'mago'te slowed their running, realizing they wouldn't keep up with the speeding machine. Tvrtko growled, muttering something distinctly rude about the fathers of the two _Oomans_. He sat down, pulling out his med pack.

Dho'mago'te stared after the fading dust cloud, only turning away at Tvrtko's roar of pain as the healing gel did its work on his ankle and gut. The large warrior knelt next to his friend. "Tvrtko? Are you well?"

Tvrtko hissed, putting away the healing supplies, then stood, testing the strength of his healing body parts. "I will be fine."

Dho'mago'te returned to staring, then sighed. "Did you meet one of the _Oomans_? I did! It was fascinating. I can't wait to write up all this new information. The research committee will be so pleased."

Tvrtko grumbled. "The one I met SHOT me. SEVERAL times."

Dho'mago'te just smiled. "I think mine dented my mask. A charming specimen."

"I WOULD have had her head for a trophy if you hadn't interfered, Dho'mago'te!" Tvrtko snarled, exceedingly angry to have been outrun by an injured _Ooman_. Even if he HAD been injured, it was inexcusable.

Dho'mago'te crossed his bulky arms. "Don't try and pin that on me! You tried to SHOOT me! What was I supposed to do? Thank you?"

"It was a perfectly good shot! You just bumbled your way into it!"

"That's a lie and you know it! She was on the ground at the time! I was in a tree! There is no way it was a good shot!" Dho'mago'te yelled back

Tvrtko growled, giving up. "Can we just go back to our ship now? You've got some new information, I'm sure it will be appreciated. We need to get to our hunting location!"

Dho'mago'te shook his head. "No, I want to do more research. These two are unlike any other _Oomans_ that I have heard of. Even the one female brought in by Dachande. These two are different. They must be studied! For SCIENCE!"

"Damn you and your science! I'll go if you just stop saying that line!"

Grinning, the large Yautja turned towards where the females had run off to. "Then let's be off! We have a lot of catching up to do!"

The two cloaked themselves and ran off into the night, the darkness enveloping them easily.

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The van screamed along as Evie managed the radio. "Team Alpha! Come in! This is the Herrings! Over!"

She waited, hoping for the tell tale crackle of other units, before trying again. "Chatter! Bossman! Can you hear me? This is Herring Two! We've hit a major snag! We're trying to get in position! What's happening? Over!"

Finally, radio contact was reestablished. "Herring Two? Chatter here. Where you been all my life, darling? Over."

"Almost getting stabbed by new alien monsters. How about you? Over."

"Well, Team Beta is charging in as we speak. Over."

Marie began cursing the stupidity of people in general. Evie shushed her, turning back to the radio. "Well, fuck. We TOLD you to keep them back til we got there! They're just more kills now. What should we do? Over."

Another familiar voice came over, sounding far more exhausted and old than ever before. "Herrings, PLEASE come and rescue this situation. The leader of Beta died and the second in command, Dingo, decided he didn't want to listen to me anymore. Over."

Evie winced. "We'll do what we can, Bossman. Just hold on a little longer. We've got big news. Big, BAD news. Over."

"Save it until we're out of here. Over."

"Will do. Just hang on, Boss. We'll make it. You're all going to be fine. Over."

There was silence. "I hope you're right, Herring Two. I hope you're right. Over."


	5. Run Away and Live to Fight Another Day

Author's Note: Hello, fair readers! We have decided that, from now on, whenever we get reviews in multiples of twenty, we shall have a contest for a gift one shot! Because we feel like it. That means we're over half way there on this one! Good job!

Thanks to all of the people that took the time to review. We really do appreciate it. High five!

Disclaimer: We're not bad ass enough to own Predators. We don't think anyone REALLY is.

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Chapter 4: Run Away and Live to Fight Another Day

Marie turned the wheel, whipping it around the corner, sending Evie flying into the door. She righted herself, desperately reaching for her seat belt. Clicking it into place, she braced herself as they took another sharp turn. "Marie! Slow down! I think I'm gonna hurl! And what if we crash into a spider at this speed? Goners will be toast!"

Marie was hunched over, wild eyed. "Shitshitshitshitshit."

Evie looked out the back. "Marie. Slow down! They're not following us! You left them behind forever ago! And I doubt they'd catch up on foot at the speed you're going!"

Evie was hurled forward as Marie slammed on the brakes, the car skidding and screeching as it slowed. Evie was suddenly grateful that she'd put on her seatbelt earlier. When the car finally came to a stop, Marie turned and looked at her friend. "I'm going back and killing those freaks."

"No! We don't have the time for that, Marie, and you know it! We need to go save Chatter and Bossman. You like THEM, right? And what about Cook? You two seemed to get along well."

Pouting, Marie put the car into motion again, though at a much more sedate pace. "Fine. But I WILL find those things and kill them. One set of alien beasties is bad enough. I don't need ones with weapons coming after us!"

The vehicle took another turn and the two women screamed as they almost ran right into a small group of people standing in the middle of the road, who were also screaming. A master of avoidance, Marie easily dodged around the group of terrified men, and kept Goners from hitting a tree at the same time.

Putting the car into park, both Marie and Evie lowered their windows. Marie to speak with the approaching group and Evie to promptly puke her guts out. One man stepped up to the window, clearly relieved. "Hey there! Name's Jedidiah. But you can call me Jedi."

The man was interrupted when Evie gave another strange hacking noise, one that reminded all of the people present of a cat puking up a hair ball. Jedi looked around Marie's shoulder at the heaving shoulders of the other woman. "What's wrong with her?"

Marie looked at him, straight faced, and waved her hand in front of his. "There IS nothing wrong."

Jedi kept a straight face as well and bantered back. "Your Jedi mind tricks will not work on ME, young padawan. You have much to learn."

The other men were laughing through this exchange of pleasantries, and Jedi even gave in to a small chuckle. "No, seriously, what's the matter with her?"

Marie shot back. "She's allergic to UGLY. You should take a few steps back. That might help. That goes for all of you. Step AWAY from the vehicle."

The men looked back and forth between each other, nervousness returning. Jedi took a step back. "She's not, you know…"

Evie had recomposed herself a little bit by this point. "Motion sick!"

She hacked up once more and the men sighed and laughed. Marie cracked a smile. "She's delicate. What are some fine boys like you doing in a place like this?"

"We're trying to get back to Bobbie's Cliff. We've got to rendezvous there, with our other teams. We haven't been able to let them know we're still alive."

Marie's face lit up. "Oh! You must be Theta!"

The men behind Jedi looked suspicious again, reaching for their weapons. Jedi held up a hand, settling them down. "How do you know about us?"

"We work with Alpha! We traveled with them this summer. We're the Red Herrings, remember? Bossman should have mentioned us."

The general atmosphere cleared up. Jedi grinned. "That's right, he did. It's good to see a friendly face."

Evie sat up, trying to speak, but was too out of breath from blowing chunks for the men to hear. Marie nodded. "Yes, that makes sense."

The stocky girl turned from her partner to Jedi once more. Smiling a lascivious grin, she quirked one of her eyebrows up. "So, you boys going OUR way?"

Jedi looked at her strangely for a moment, before bursting into laughter. "Why, yes, little lady, I do believe we ARE going your way. Give some men a ride?"

Marie hit a button and the back trunk doors opened. "Hop in, boys. It's gonna be an interesting ride. Also, don't touch my guns."

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The Herrings had just finished filling in the remnants of Theta team with all the bad news, when the radio began squawking once more. "Herrings! Come in Herrings! Over!"

Evie grabbed up the handset. "Chatter? What is it? What's your status? Over."

Chatter's voice came over the waves, despair in his normally cheery voice. "Don't bother coming, you two. It isn't worth it anymore. Trying to save us is just a death trap. Beta team just made a retreat with only two of their guys left standing. It's only me, dad and Cook left anyway. Just get away from here. Over."

Marie had put on the gas, fear filling her. She began talking, mostly to herself, partially to Evie. "We can't ditch them! We can still make it! I'm sure we can save them!"

Evie shook her head, wanting to cry, both for her friend and the men they were losing. Jedi poked his head up between the two front seats, an angry look on his face. "Tell them we aren't leaving them! We've got seven now, and if we pick up what's left of Beta we'll have close to a full team! Plus, you gals have a CRAZY arsenal back here. We can do this!"

Marie whipped her head to the side, glaring over her shoulder. "Don't touch my guns! They're MY guns! I found them myself!"

Jedi fell backwards as they went over a particularly rough patch of road, startled at the venom in Marie's tone. Evie looked at her partner, raising one eyebrow. "Marie. WHAT have I told you about sharing?"

Marie mumbled to herself, something about if the others were all dead she wouldn't HAVE to share, and hunched down over the wheel. Evie shook her head, torn between laughter and exasperation. The awkward moment was interrupted by Chatter. "Herrings? You still there? Over."

"Sorry, Chatter. We're still here. And, for the record, we have what's left of Theta team with us. So, we are STILL coming to get you. Try to stay alive! Over."

An angry voice took the place of Chatter's boyish tone. "NO! I order you to leave us! It's not safe here! We can't let more die in a wasteful cause. Over."

Evie almost giggled. "We don't TAKE orders from you, Bossman. Remember? And we've commandeered Theta team, so they don't either. Here we come to save the day! So hang on tight! Over."

Bossman hurled obscenities and insults at the Herrings, Theta team, and all of their parents. And grandparents. He was summarily ignored and the happy team continued on into certain doom.

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Marie was slowing the car down, inching carefully around a sharp corner, ready to either ram something or run away, whatever was needed. She flicked her eyes back and forth as the headlights cast their reddish glow.

As she eased up on the brakes, something darted out of the tree line in front of the van. Marie noticed it too late and screeched as she hit the thing with a tiny thump, since she'd only been going about five miles an hour.

Staring out the window, foot solidly back on the brake pedal, Marie turned to stare at Evie, horror and tears in her eyes. "Evie… I think I hit something. What if it was a BUNNY?"

Evie deadpanned at her. Before she could come up with a suitable caustic remark, the thing they'd hit jumped up from the road, revealing itself to be a rather irate man.

"You dumb bitch! Watch where the fuck you're going, dipshit! The fuck is your problem?" The man raged at the women in the front, before slamming his fist down on the hood of the vehicle, leaving a rather sizeable dent.

Evie gaped at the dent, turning to Marie quickly. The driver was stock still, focused on the further damage to her beloved Goners, left eye twitching even more than normal. Slowly, Marie clicked the release on her seat belt and began opening the door, pulling a hefty looking machete from beside the driver's seat.

Evie instantly dove for the seatbelt, trying to click it back into place. "NO, MARIE! Murder is not the answer! Violence is only a temporary solution! Put the machete down!"

"NO! He hit Goners! HE MUST DIE! Somebody hit the CD player and flip to Mortal Kombat, the Techno version!"

An epic battle for the seatbelt ensued and Jedi looked over, under, around and through the flailing arms in the front seat, trying to ascertain the identity of the still cursing pedestrian. Recognition hit fairly quickly at the sight of the outsider's scraggly mountain man beard. "Oh! That's just Dingo! Hi, Dingo!"

Dingo squinted, looking into the gloom of the van, past the still battling females. "Jedi? That you? I thought you were dead."

Shaking his head, Jedi responded. "Nah, our com guy just got eaten. We couldn't stay to let ya'll know we were all right. Well, some of us. And these lovely gals offered to give us a lift to Alpha."

Dingo snorted. "Dude, don't even try it. I barely made it out with all my limbs still attached."

"Hey… Chatter said two of you escaped. Where's the other?" One of the other men looked about, trying to check for anyone else in the surrounding woods.

Shifting uneasily, Dingo scratched his chin. "We were attacked on the way here."

Marie started, shocking the gathered company. "Hey! So, YOU'RE the guy we've been looking for!"

Evie and Jedi looked at each other, before Evie commenced speaking with Marie once more. "Yes, darling. That's the one."

"Sooo… I'm supposed to give him a ride in my van that he hurt?"

Evie began getting that uneasy feeling again. "Yeeesss…"

"Okay!" Marie perked up and Evie swore she could see her partner's pigtails bouncing in delight.

"Er, that's great! Thanks for being understanding, sweetie. You're wonderful! Will you put the machete down now?"

Marie complied, sheathing the blade once more. "Of course. I'm not THAT crazy. We can't just leave him out here! He can ride on the roof!"

Evie had been halfway to thinking Marie had been going back to the way she'd been before the apocalypse. Those hopes came crashing down. "Wait, what?"

"By his neck, of course. Or from the back! I'm not picky. Oh! Oh! How about strapped to the HOOD HE DENTED?"

Jedi began laughing, but it petered off when Evie and Marie simply turned to stare at him. He gulped, gazing from one serious face to the other. "Wait, ya'll weren't kidding?"

Marie kept her face perfectly neutral. "I am ALWAYS serious."

"That's a LIE." Evie commented back, her face just as straight and serious as her comrade's. Jedi sat back, feeling confused, amused, and a little bit scared.

In the interim, Evie managed to talk Marie out of her homicidal zone, distracting the driver while the other men let Dingo into the back. The new comer sat, hunched over, glowering at all those assembled. "If you go charging in there, count me out. You are all nuts. I don't want to go back there!"

Marie started the van up again and they took off. "YOU are the one that got into my van. WE are going to get Bossman, Chatter, and Cook. If you do not like this plan, please feel free to leave. Just give me some warning, so I can really hit the gas, you ugly hobo faced loser."

Dingo gaped at the back of Marie's head, spluttering for a response, but settling on sullen silence. Jedi chuckled to himself, mentally giving Marie a score of two, Dingo zero.

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They had all gotten out of Goners, parking it well away from the infected area. Marie refused to take the van anywhere near the huge amount of acid blood that was sure to be there. Begrudgingly, Marie handed out some of her weapons and ammunition to those that didn't have anything left of their own.

Evie began sketching out the area in the dirt, creating a battle plan for the ragtag group to follow. Jedi and the other men added what information they had, trying to perfect their scheme. Dingo stood off to the side, sulking and making curt, angry comments at whatever he thought was stupid. Which was a lot of things.

The others ignored him and continued working. Marie sighed, shifting from one foot to the other, cradling her G-36. She was a woman of ACTION. NOT of planning. Of course, she pondered, this had led her into many unfortunate situations in her life.

Finally, she could wait no more. "All right, ladies! I am going to go kill shit now. Anyone that wants to join me can feel free to tag along. Kay? Bye."

Turning, she headed down the hillside, straight for the writhing mass of Xenomorphs. Evie grabbed her gun, charging after Marie. "You dolt! You can't just waltz into that, guns blazing! Get back here! I'm warning you! MARIE!"

Infuriated, Evie whipped her head about to the men standing awkwardly by. "You heard her! Come on! Seeing as how Miss Crazy Pants over there doesn't WANT to be smart about this… Let's go! We know the plan! MOVE!"

They all headed after Marie, following the sound of gunfire, adding their own to the mix. Dingo began forward with the group, but slowed gradually until he was far behind the others. Grinning, he went back to the van, getting in the driver's seat.

He fumbled about, looking high and low, before snarling in frustration. "That bitch took the fucking keys! What am I supposed to do now?"

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Things were not going well. The group tried pressing forward through the black mass, desperately trying to avoid the blood splatter induced by their gunfire. Evie and Marie stood on their own, back to back, keeping their enemies at bay, trying to keep their eyes peeled for their comrades.

Jedi and his four men were also by themselves, holed up on the top of a hillock. Marie swore as she took the time to reload, looking about. "EVIE! We can't do this for much longer! Are we getting close?"

Evie grunted as her gun recoiled into her shoulder badly. "I can't tell! Marie, I don't think we can do this! We need to get out of here while we still have ammo!"

Marie kicked at a Xenomorph face that was getting too close, before firing into the crowd again. "We can't leave them! We have to save them!"

"We can't! Not with this many Xenos around! Come on, we have to retreat! We've gotten through too much to die out here like this!"

Evie began retreating in what she thought was the proper direction. Marie kept fighting, but tore after Evie, refusing to be separated. The two fought on, shooting and stabbing, doing anything to keep the aliens away.

Finally, the two broke through the edge of the roiling group of Xenos, panting and bleeding. They sprinted towards the van with several of the monsters were following them. Marie looked over her shoulder, spitting obscenities at the beasts. "Evie! What about Jedi? We have to warn him that we're retreating!"

Evie slung her rifle over her shoulder before pulling out the flare gun. She loaded a red flare in and simply aimed up, pulling the trigger. The small valley was flooded with red light. They ran on and broke through the trees in time to use the light of the flare to spot their team mates.

"Marie! Over there!" Evie pointed at a small hill close to them and Marie turned just in time to watch one of the men of the group fall, pierced through the chest by an alien tail. He was dragged, still screaming, into the frenzy.

"I really hope that wasn't Jedi! I like him!" Marie stated, before blasting another spider away. The two had taken care of the Xenos that had followed them and they took a moment to rest. The group on the other hill could be seen retreating towards the van and the two women took off once more.

The women hit the clearing where the van was and raced to their respective seats. Marie let out a shriek as she found Dingo in the driver's seat, attempting to pry open the plastic to get to the wires. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY CAR?"

Dingo started, swinging up his gun. "HEY! I wasn't doing anything! How was I supposed to know if you would come back or not?"

Marie didn't listen to this logic, bodily hauling the man from her seat and hurling him to the ground. She fell upon him with all the viciousness in her small body, pummeling at his face and torso. He screamed, trying to catch her wrists or throw her off, but he couldn't stop the fury directed at him.

Evie stood by, glaring. Dingo looked up at her when he could, crying out. "GET THIS CRAZY BITCH OFF! PLEASE! OH, GOD, HELP ME!"

Evie sneered, feeling very little pity for the man getting his ass kicked by her friend. "Like HELL. You tried to STEAL OUR CAR and leave us STRANDED. And, if I'm not mistaken, YOU didn't even bother going to the fight at all! DID you?"

"You're right! I didn't go! I'm sorry! PLEASE! Just get her off of me!"

Marie reached into her boot, pulling out a wicked looking serrated knife. Grinning wildly, she held it up for Dingo to see. "So… You thought you could steal MY Goners, eh? Well, I'll just help you get rid of those sticky fingers of yours, hm? Hold VEEERY still. This will hurt!"

At this point, Evie finally stepped in. "Marie. Don't. You can beat him as much as you like, but don't kill him. As worthless as he is, he's still human. A pathetic excuse for one, but still…"

Marie didn't put down the knife. "HE would have killed US in a heartbeat! Why not get rid of this slime?"

Evie set her hands on Marie's shoulders. "He isn't worth the trouble it would take to clean the knife afterward. Come on, we have to get Goners ready to go. Jedi and his buds should be here soon. Let Jedi decide what to do with him. They ARE part of the same group."

Marie nodded, getting off of Dingo. He tried to stand, hacking and bleeding, shaky on his legs. He leaned against a tree, trying to recover as best he could. Marie stopped just as she got to the van door, before turning and hurling her blade toward him.

Dingo screamed, but the knife lodged into the wood scant centimeters from his face. He stared, wide eyed, jaw dropped. Marie strolled up, perfectly calm, reaching to grab her blade. As she yanked it from the tree, she locked gazes with the terrified man. "Let me tell you something, Dingo. YOU are a lucky man. BUT, if you EVER mess with me and mine again, Evie won't be able to stop me from lodging this knife in your body several times. That isn't a threat. I'm giving you my word on that."

She walked away, looking over her shoulder. "Don't forget yourself again."

Dingo slid down the tree, rubbing a hand over his face. "Stupid bitch… I'll kill her. I'll fuck her up so bad, she'll never do shit like that to me again. Goddamn…"

As Dingo stood once more, Jedi and one of his men came through the trees. "Hey girls! We gotta go! You won't BELIEVE what we saw!"

The three men got in the back as Marie revved the engine. As the back doors shut, she hit the gas, sending them off wildly. Jedi was panting, clutching his gun. "God… I've never seen anything like it… It was down to me, Sketchers here, and Small Time. We lost Kickstart early on, then Bud Light got dragged in."

Evie nodded. "Yeah, we saw that part. What happened to Small Time?"

"It was AWFUL! These two things just came out of nowhere! One of them shot something at us and Small Time was just missing a chunk! It was like nothing I've ever seen!" Sketchers burst out, shaking.

Marie and Evie just looked at each other. They communicated silently with gestures, eye movements and body language. Marie finally nodded and Evie turned to the men in the back once again. "These two things you saw… Did one happen to be REALLY tall and red? The other a little shorter and black?"

Jedi and Sketchers gaped at the blue eyed girl. "How did you KNOW? "

Evie turned to face the front again. "They're the reason why we were late getting to rescue Bossman and Chatter."

Before anything further could be said, the radio came to life. "Hey, Herrings! You still alive over there? Over."

Evie picked up the handset. "Yeah… We're good. We lost three men. I'm sorry, Chatter. I don't think we can make it through. Over."

"Yeah, Dad and I already knew that. He's got some bullets ready for us. I just wanted to say good bye. You two were great to be around! Over."

"Chatter… I'm going to miss you. And Bossman, too. I wish I could have heard the story about the zombie elephant scar. Over."

"When you get to the other side, I'll make sure he tells it. Will you promise me something, cutie? Over."

"Anything. Me and One both. Over."

"Really? What if I wanted you to promise to build a shrine to me and worship it for the rest of your lives? Every day? Over."

"Chatter."

"Okay, okay, sorry! But, seriously. Just, please don't take off those bracelets. I want you to remember me and dad and Cook and everyone. We all like you. Over."

Evie looked over to Marie, who was wiping at her face. Marie glared up fiercely. "I'm NOT crying! I'm NOT sad! Don't look at me like that!"

Evie sighed, turning back to the handset. "We could never forget any of you. We promise we will do our best to keep these bracelets on. Over."

A sigh of relief came over the line. "I'm glad. By the way, I wanted you to know my name. I'm Ryan Daniels. My dad is Kurt Daniels. Over."

"A pleasure to know that, Ryan. My name is Genevieve Caroll. And Herring One is Marie Sorenson. Good bye, Ryan. Say good bye to Kurt for us, too. Over."

"Wow, you have pretty names. Anyway, this is Ryan Daniels, second to last survivor of Alpha Team. Signing off!"


	6. Fractions Suck

Author's note: We are maybe almost sorta 1/4 of the way through this story! Yes, that's right! This tale will be roughly 20 chapters, give or take. So, there you go. In case any of you were wondering.

Disclaimer: Nope. We don't own anything that could possibly be owned by someone else. Seriously.

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Chapter 5: Fractions Suck

A few days after the disastrous rescue attempt of Alpha Team, Evie and Marie were once again circled around a campfire, this time joined by only two others, Jedi and Sketchers. They all ate in silence, lost in their own thoughts. Jedi and Sketchers were still infuriated at how Dingo had behaved, disgusted that they had thought of him as one of their own.

Marie and Evie sulked, moping at the loss of the Alpha team. For once, Marie simply poked at her food, unable or unwilling to eat any more. Evie was also poking at the small amount of trail mix on her plate. The rest of her food had been eaten, but the package before her had FAR too many nuts in it for her liking.

Sighing, Evie dumped the partially eaten package onto Marie's full plate before turning back to stare at the flames before her. She started as she felt something small and hard bonk against the side of her head. Turning back to her partner, Evie almost wanted to make a run for it to get away from the dangerous look on Marie's face.

Marie had been in a terrible mood in the days following the death of Chatter. "Evie. Does it LOOK like I'm eating anything? Eat your own fucking food. I don't want it."

Evie held up her hands, inching away. "I'm sorry, Marie. Usually you love the trail mix. Look, see? Even has almonds. You like almonds! And cashews!"

Marie looked back down at her plate, arranging the food in random designs, mumbling darkly to herself. Shaking her head, Evie settled once more, sighing. Marie was getting worse and worse. She wasn't sure how much longer Marie had with what was left of her sanity.

Raucous banging came from inside Goners. "HEY! YOU ASSHOLES! DON'T I GET ANYTHING TO EAT? I'M STARVING!"

Evie winced as Marie turned that psychotic gaze on where the noise was coming from. Before Marie could stand, Jedi was at the van doors, opening them and glaring inside. "Shut. Up. We gave you food this morning, creep. Be thankful we didn't leave you like this for the Xenos to find."

Dingo was bound, hand and foot, in the back of Goners. He had been banging his head against the doors and he had the lump on his forehead to prove it. Dingo scowled. "I don't know why you're doing this to me, Jedi. You were always a good guy. Come on, I'm your friend!"

The taller man glared down at his bound former group mate. "You don't even know what that word means, Dingo. You were going to LEAVE US to DIE. Doesn't sound very friendly, does it?"

Smiling, Dingo tried once more. "Aw, Jedi! That's not true! I was just making sure none of those Xenos spoiled our ride, you know? Those chicks just blew it out of proportion. Girls are always real high strung, you know?"

Jedi shot a look over his shoulder as Marie began stalking towards the van, the same serrated knife she had threatened to gut Dingo with gleaming in the fire light. Dingo couldn't see the approaching doom, but Jedi slammed the van doors in his face, leaving the traitor with a final warning. "Make any more noise, and we WILL leave you for the aliens."

Jedi spun, blocking Marie, while smiling. "Hey, there, Padawan! You feeling all right? Don't worry about that idiot, we'll be rid of him soon. I'm sure we'll run into a caravan here soon to dump him off with. They always like an extra hand."

Marie just glared up at him. "I am SICK of that hoboface messing up my car. I am GOING TO KILL HIM. Please move."

Gently, Jedi placed his hands on her shoulders, turning her about. "Now, now, that's not the way to go, girly. We've lost enough humans as it is."

"Then we won't miss one more, will we?"

Sighing, Jedi carefully ushered her back to the campfire. "Tell you what, why don't you take first watch with Evie? You two only need to do your watch, then Sketchers and I will cover both of ours and Evie's. You both don't get nearly enough sleep. Okay?"

Marie nodded, knowing she'd need Evie nearby to keep from going and killing the idiot in her Goners. Once she was asleep, she wouldn't be so angry. That's when all her family came.

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It was early in the morning, before the sun had risen. Sketchers went to take over watch from Jedi, who strode to the van. He peeked in the windows, checking on the girls and the prisoner. To both his relief AND disappointment, Dingo was still among the living.

Marie slept curled next to Evie, clutching at the taller girl, while Marie shook, caught in the throes of a hellish looking nightmare. Evie slept soundly, one arm draped over Marie, clearly suffering from no awful dreams.

Dingo slept curled in a corner of the van, still bound. No one could convince Marie to allow him even the slightest bit of movement. Her only concessions were when Dingo "had to go". Jedi and Sketchers took turns guarding him then.

He turned away and went to his roll, letting out a groan as he relaxed into the soothing warmth of the sleeping bag. Rolling to his side, he sighed and pulled his hair out of its ponytail and let his eyes fall shut. He had been almost asleep when a hand shook him awake. Jedi looked up, blinking at Sketchers. "This had better be good, Sketch. I am in sore need of some shut eye."

Sketchers nodded. "Spotted the remnants of the horde. Still a bitch ton of them. Heading our way. We need to get out of here."

Standing, Jedi put his hair back up and began packing his things as Sketchers did the same. Looking at the van, Jedi decided that the girls could sleep a little bit longer before he needed to wake them. He finished packing quickly, throwing it on his back and grabbing his gun, when ominous shrieks resounded in the woods around them.

"GIRLS! WAKE UP! WE'RE IN BIG TROUBLE!" Jedi shouted, throwing a rock at the van doors, before firing into a Xeno that charged at him. Sketchers was also battling an alien when Evie and Marie emerged.

Marie looked rumpled and sleepy, which was a bad combination with the Hand Cannon currently clutched against her chest. "Waz going on? S'no time for any crazy parties. No time to sleep off the hang over."

Evie was slightly more awake, already taking shots at the arriving aliens. "Jedi! Hurry over here! We can still get out of here in time! Marie, get to the driver's seat!"

Marie obeyed, scuttling through the van and into her seat and gunned the engine to life, startling both humans and aliens. The Xenomorphs began charging for Goners and Dingo screamed, terrified. "GET ME OUTTA THESE ROPES! Oh, god, PLEASE! Don't let them get me! At least let me shoot myself!"

Evie ignored him, trying to keep the way clear for Jedi and Sketchers to get to the van. But it was already too late. The clearing was beginning to swarm with the beasts. Jedi and Sketchers stood back to back, slowly retreating towards the woods. Jedi looked up, yelling over the screams of the monsters. "GO! YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!"

Evie yelled back. "YOU'RE CRAZIER THAN MARIE! WE'VE ALREADY LOST GOOD GUYS TO THESE THINGS, WE CAN'T LOSE YOU TWO!"

Scowling, Jedi went with a new tactic. "IF YOU TWO DON'T GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, I WILL SHOOT MYSELF! THEN SKETCHERS!"

Sketchers blinked. "Wait, what? Why can't I shoot YOU first?"

Evie stomped her foot, which made Marie yelp in dismay. "FINE! YOU STUPID BASTARDS! IF YOU DIE, I'LL MAKE MARIE KILL YOU!"

A voice came from the front seat. "DON'T TALK ABOUT ME LIKE I'M NOT HERE! I CAN HEAR YOU!"

"JUST GO ALREADY! WE'LL FIND YOU!" Jedi screamed, before running after Sketchers into the gloom of the foliage. Marie had already slammed on the gas and Evie slammed the van doors shut before taking her seat in the front.

Dingo, once more, ruined the moment. "You bitches gonna untie me, or what?"

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Evie peered through the binoculars, scanning the surrounding area. Ducking back into the sun roof, she shrugged at Marie. "I don't see anything. I guess we lost them."

Marie shook her head. "Those things don't lose scents, or whatever it is they follow. No… They're planning something, the rat bastards."

Marie continued scanning the area and Evie sighed as Dingo yelled at them from the back once more. He was getting tiring. Evie almost wished she had let Marie kill him.

Marie gently hit the gas pedal and moved the van forward cautiously, waiting for attack. She aimed them for a nearby hill, wanting more of a vantage point. "Always go for higher ground. That's what Mitch always said. He knew those things."

Evie nodded, letting Marie temporarily lose herself in old memories. Marie's boyfriend WOULD have known that. Military people tended to. Leaving Marie to whisper happily to herself, Evie gritted her teeth as Dingo spoke again.

"Hey! Women! I need to take a piss! Pull this hunk of metal over! Hey!"

"SHUT UP! We'll pull over already! JUST SHUT UP!" Evie screeched, patience long gone, spent on dealing with Marie's antics. Dealing with the almost-but-not-quite-insane took a lot of effort. Marie blinked, coming out of her memory induced trance, quirking her head at her partner.

"Evie? Bist du okay?"

Evie sighed once more, wishing more than ever that the damned apocalypse had never happened. Dealing with her mother had been easier than this. "Ja. Ich bin okay. Just pull the van over, aight? I'm tired of listening to him bitching."

Marie frowned. "But, I don't trust him."

"Neither do I, but it's let him out or let him do his business all over the back."

Marie made a horribly disgusted face. "Not in MY Goners! We SLEEP back there!"

"Exactly. So, stop the car."

Marie complied, putting the machine in park and turning it off before climbing out and going to the back. She opened the door, glaring down at their captive. "Why couldn't it have been Jedi in the back seat? At least he's cute."

Dingo glared back. "Shut up, slut. Get these stupid ropes off of me."

"What? Who said we were untying you?"

"You gonna hold it for me?"

Marie grimaced. "I bet you would just LOVE that, hoboface. But, no. We'll untie your legs."

As she knelt down, Dingo grinned. "Ah, a woman on her knees. Just where she belongs."

Marie's eye twitched and her knife slid quickly through the ropes, whipping up between the idiotic man's legs, stopping just short of his crotch. Dingo screamed like a child and tried to scurry backwards, failing miserably.

He panted, wild eyed. "You BITCH! What the fuck was that for? Fucking whore, can't take a joke! Get the fuck away from me! You, other chick, get over here! Why the hell is the crazy bitch the one with the knives?"

Evie grinned, looking just about as evil as Marie. "That crazy bitch is only my oldest friend EVER. She just wanted to have some fun with you. Don't you like our trust games? It's a bonding exercise."

Dingo had recovered his breath, anger surging, pride wounded. "Oh yeah? Why don't I tie YOU up and I can play with the knives? That sounds pretty good."

Marie chuckled. "Only in your dreams, perv. We'll untie your hands when we get there, let's go."

Forcing the prisoner to his feet, she began leading him off, Evie bringing up the rear guard. As they got closer to the woods, Marie stopped, scanning the trees. Nodding to herself, she looked back over her shoulder. "All right, hoboface you stay in the middle. I'll take point, Evie you be rear guard. Hoboface, please try to get killed. That would kind of make my day. Thanks."

Dingo looked at the trees nervously, edging away. "Wait, wait, why can't I have a gun? I'm defenseless like this!"

Marie smiled and began walking into the tree line. "That's the point, hoboface. Can't have you shooting one of us, so no gun. I'm not really sorry about that."

Dingo began back pedaling. "As if I'm going in THERE unarmed! Ya'll are crazy bitches! Gimme a gun and THEN I'll go in!"

Evie smiled to herself, pressing the barrel of her gun against his back. Dingo squeaked, startled. Evie grinned wider. "Now, listen to me, Dingo. You can either follow Marie and do your thing, or I can shoot you right now and leave your ass for the Xenos. What's it going to be?"

Before he could answer, Marie turned, crossing her arms and pouting. "Hey! Why don't I get to shoot him? That's what I've been TRYING to do the whole time! No fair!"

Evie leaned around Dingo to look at Marie. "Don't worry, sweetheart. I won't make it a fatal shot. I'll leave that for you!"

"Aw, you really do love me!" Marie smiled sweetly, looking almost angelic, before turning her gaze to Dingo.

"So, hoboface. What's it going to be?"

Dingo began walking forward, clearly shaken up once more. "Damn crazy whores…"

Evie sighed and began following Dingo, shooting Marie a look around him once more. "Ah, reasonable people. They're so boring. Ruin all our fun, they do."

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Evie scanned the area around the hill. Fortunately, there had been a low enough tree branch for her to clamber up above the tree line. She looked all around them, but spotted nothing. Shrugging, Evie climbed back down, jumping from the lowest branch and landing with a small thump.

Marie looked over, giving Evie a meaningful look. "Well?"

Evie just shook her head. "No sign of them. Nothing at all. Maybe we did actually lose them this time."

Snorting, Marie turned back to keep an eye on Dingo once more. "I doubt it. They're around."

Dingo was grumbling, then began yelling at the girls again. "I still don't see why I can't have a gun! There could be BEARS out here! A man can't piss in such a nervous state."

Marie shrugged. "Then we'll just tie you up and go back to the car. Can't say we didn't let you try."

"Stupid bitch. Why are you two so unpleasant? Women shouldn't act like that."

Marie gritted her teeth and Evie came up behind her, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Don't do anything. He's trying to get a rise out of you. He's just an idiot."

Marie sighed, trying to forget her anger. "Yeah, I know. But it's not easy dealing with a sexist, pervy, ugly hoboface."

"Would you stop calling me that? Jeez, you dumb broad, can't you think of anything else to call me?"

Marie smiled as he finished his business, zipping his pants. "There are plenty of things I would love to call you. Deceased is one of them. Alas, that my hopes and dreams for this are crushed. For the moment."

Evie frowned, looking around the small wooded area. "Can't you two keep it down? We still don't know where those Xenos are. We don't need to attract the wrong kind of attention."

Marie nodded, apologizing. Dingo just began stomping towards the two girls. "You know what I think? I think you two are just a bit too uppity. I bet you're LESBIANS. Too good for a guy, huh?"

Both the girls sighed as Dingo continued his tirade against them. Marie looked at Evie, irritation all over her face. "Why is it that they ALWAYS think we're lesbian? Even after an apocalypse, that's the first thing they go for."

Evie shrugged, shouldering her gun. "I guess that's the worst thing they can think of for a girl to be. At least if we're hookers the dudes can get some and we may produce babies. No such thing if we two are an item."

Marie pouted, crossing her arms. "Well, I still think it's stupid."

Before Evie could reply, Dingo screamed. Whirling about, the two women saw him being lifted into the air, a Xeno tail through his shoulder. He was flailing wildly. "HELP ME! HELP! SHOOT IT! OR AT LEAST SHOOT ME! I DON'T WANT TO BE EATEN BY IT!"

Evie hesitated, almost readying her gun. But, Marie's hand on her shoulder stopped her. Looking into Marie's eyes, Evie knew that Dingo was done for.

Marie looked over at him as he vanished into the trees. "He would have let us die. Think of it as revenge for Alpha."

Evie nodded, guilt beginning to gnaw at her. "Maybe we could still get to him… Even if he IS an asshole…"

Shaking her head, Marie turned away. "I'm not going after him. It's a waste of time, energy, bullets, and our patience. We're better off just heading out. Come on."

Evie followed, shoulders slumped. "Sometimes I hate it when you make sense…."

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The two had moved carefully and cautiously down the hill. They were almost to Goners. Evie smiled a little bit. "Hey, at least we're almost there."

Marie just kept scanning the area, terrified. "I won't be relaxed until we're in the car, driving to Marv's. Oh, by the way, there's something I'd like to do before we go to Marv's for the winter."

Evie quirked her head. "What's that?"

Before Marie could respond, a scream came from the trees. A Xenomorph launched itself at them, and the two dove apart just before it landed on them. Another Xeno came from the tree line, a few more following that, until Evie and Marie were separated by no less than ten of the beasts.

Marie looked at the sea of black, wildly shooting into it, trying to keep the things away. Evie was doing the same thing on the other side of the clearing, slowly backing away.

The women looked at each other from across the mass and knew what had to be done. Marie looked like she was going to cry, but she forced it back with a whimper, before calling after Evie. "I'LL SEE YOU AT GONERS! IF YOU DIE, I'LL DESECRATE YOUR CORPSE!"

Evie glared at her friend, before turning tail and fleeing into the trees, a few Xenos following. Marie followed suit, heading in the opposite direction, sprinting as fast as she could. All that was going through her head was a prayer that Evie would make it back to her alive and in one piece.

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Dho'mago'te and Tvrtko were hot on the trail of _ooman_ women. They had lost sight of the females when they had stopped to kill off some of the _Kaind Amedha _horde. They followed the tracks of the strange vehicle to a small campsite.

Looking about, it was obvious that the _Kainde Amedha_ had been there. Dho'mago'te scowled. "If the _Kainde Amedha_ killed my science projects… I will not be pleased."

Tvrtko sighed, looking about. "I don't see any blood here. _Ooman_ blood is very distinctive. I think they may still yet live."

The two caught the sound of gunfire, coming from very far off. Dho'mago'te perked up immediately. "That MUST be them! Let's go!"

Tvrtko followed behind his exuberant partner, wishing that Dho'mago'te wasn't so… SCIENCY.

The two ran for quite a ways before spotting a glimpse of two figures on a hilltop. One was tall, lanky, with short hair. The other was just a bit shorter, thicker, and had its hair up in a bundle. The two figures were surrounded by the _Kainde Amedha_ coming up the hill.

Dho'mago'te gaped in dismay. "My observational subjects! We must save them!"

Tvrtko quirked his head. "Dho'mago'te, are you sure that's them? Where's their vehicle? They are never without it. And don't they look a little strange to you?"

"Nonsense! Their transporter must be behind the hill, or somewhere we haven't looked for it. Come, we've no time to waste!"

Dho'mago'te pulled his hammer out and charged into the fray, slaughtering the_ Kainde Amedha _with fluid ease while wielding his battle hammer.

Tvrtko followed, picking off the beasts that wandered too far from the main group, choosing his targets carefully.

Even though both had been through a few hunts together, this was a VERY large swarm of _Kainde Amedha_. They struggled against the never ending tide of darkness, slashing, shooting, hitting, killing as many as they could.

Some of the smarter, older _Kainde Amedha_ leaders ran for it, away from their most hated and deadly foes. The queens had to be informed of this new development.

Finally, the two Yautja reached the hilltop. Dho'mago'te tucked his hammer away, looking about for the females. What he found surprised and disappointed him. "Tvrtkooo…. These are MALES."

The Yautja looked down at the two terrified males and Tvrtko sighed. "I TOLD you they looked strange. But no. You NEVER listen to me."

Dho'mago'te shrugged. "It's not my fault you take forever. You're just too cautious. You'll never get trophies that way."

"I get trophies just fine, thank you very much. Mine are bigger than yours anyway! AND in better condition. When was the last time you took care of your trophies?"

As the two continued bickering, the two human men began slipping away, wanting to get a safe distance from the huge monsters that had killed their friend.

They had reached the edge of the hill and were making their way down it, the Yautja still occupied with arguing. Alas, one of the humans tripped, rolling down the hill, cursing. The other followed him, although still on his feet.

This caused the hunters to stop their verbal sparring. Dho'mago'te looked about, then glanced at Tvrtko. "I do believe the males have made a run for it."

Tvrtko nodded, and began walking off back towards the campsite they had found. "The_ Ooman_ males were probably traveling with your precious observational subjects. We did find extra footprints about the camp. I was not paying enough attention to the differences in the tracks."

"Well, we should get back to the tracks then. We must find the females." Dho'mago'te followed behind Tvrtko.

The two made it back to the camp easily and watched as the _Ooman_ males picked up the trail of the missing females. Dho'mago'te frowned. "Hey… They are searching for my subjects as well. We must reach the females before them! We don't want them messing up my observations!"

Tvrtko rolled his eyes as they followed the other males. "Of course we don't. What a tragedy for science. Whatever shall we do?"

"Exactly! I'm so glad you understand the importance of my work. Come on!"

Dho'mago'te charged ahead, easily outpacing the _Ooman_ males. Tvrtko followed at a slightly less frenetic pace, though still easily passing the _Oomans_. He caught up with Dho'mago'te and the two ran on, following that strangely scented trail.

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They had been running for awhile when they finally found some evidence that they were on the right track. The vehicle of the _Ooman_ women was sitting, silent and cold. They circled it, checking inside for any heat signatures. There was nothing.

Tvrtko went away from the contraption, spotting a trail heading up the hill. "Dho'mago'te! Over here. Tracks. Three _Oomans_. Your subjects and a third, probably another male."

Dho'mago'te came over, scenting the trail. "I think you're right. Come, let's see where this leads."

The two began jogging up the hill side, keeping a careful eye on the trail of the females. They reached the same clearing where the ones they searched for had been only half an hour before. Searching about, Tvrtko found blood. "Dho'mago'te. Over here."

Striding over, Dho'mago'te slumped in dismay. "Damn. At least one of the three is dead. I shall hope it was the male with them."

"Perhaps. But, perhaps the _Ooman_ who shed this blood is NOT dead."

Dho'mago'te paused in his examination of the pooled and congealing blood. "Why do you think that?"

Tvrtko pointed and Dho'mago'te followed the line of the other's arm, eyes widening. A little ways off was a dead _Kainde Amedha_, with its own tail spike ripped off and thrust through its torso. Dho'mago'te chittered his approval. "If the _Ooman_ male did THAT, I would like to battle with him."

Tvrtko began striding towards the trail of the male. "Come, let's hunt him! He is undoubtedly worthy."

Dho'mago'te shook his head, hair swishing in its confined state. "No, Tvrtko. I must find my observational subjects! Who knows what useful information I have missed because we lost them? The key to good science is good observation, you know."

Tvrtko growled, frustrated. "MUST we keep following them?"

Dho'mago'te was already walking off. "I think I heard some _Kainde Amedha_ screams this way. Come. I must find my subjects."

They headed back down the hill, once again following the trail of the females.

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They arrived in another clearing much farther down the hill, close to the transporter. There was _Kainde Amedha_ blood hissing on the ground and they could see two distinct trails going away from the clearing.

Gazing back and forth, Dho'mago'te growled in irritation. "This is getting old. I want to find my observational subjects! I don't like hunting them down. After this, let's put a tracker on them. It'll make things much easier."

Tvrtko looked at him. "How about we just put it on their vehicle? I doubt they'd be pleased to have trackers lodged on their necks."

"This is true." Dho'mago'te nodded his head in assent.

Tvrtko looked at his partner. "So. What shall we do now?"

Dho'mago'te looked back and forth between the trails. "We'll have to split up. You follow that trail, I'll take this. Try and bring back whatever female you find alive. But, I suppose the corpse would do as well. Dissection is always useful for finding new things. I don't think we have record of _Ooman_ female physiology."

Tvrtko nodded and the two parted ways, leaving behind the blood spattered clearing, in search of their elusive prey.


	7. Desperate Times

Author's Note: Only 4 more reviews to go before the contest for this story! Keep going, people! We believe in you!

We hope you enjoy this next chapter!

If you like this, let us know! If you don't, let us know anyway!

Disclaimer: Nope. We still don't own anything. Alas.

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Chapter 6: Desperate Times

Tvrtko ran at a steady pace, easily gaining on the female. As long as there were no distractions, he would catch up to her before long. A rustling noise from above and behind him had him whipping about, burner blasting a neat hole through the _Kainde Amedha_ that had attempted to attack him.

With practiced ease he knelt down, pried the jaw open, and removed one of the teeth. Stringing it from his waist, he failed to notice the second beast lurking in the trees. It, too, lunged for him, screaming, and he started, firing his burner once more.

The blast hit and the _Kainde Amedha_ stilled just in front of him. Making a triumphant noise, he readied himself to take another trophy. He heard an ominous creak above him and began to dive away. He managed to avoid the thickest portion of the tree, but his leg was caught underneath a thick branch.

He heard the bone crack and tried not howl. Only the weak let themselves give voice to their pain. He forced the branch off of him, sitting up, and came face to face with yet another _Kainde Amedha_. Cursing, he tried to pull himself away as the _Kainde Amedha_ lunged.

Tvrtko yelped as the monster shot forward, biting at his cod piece. The metal held, keeping the _Kainde Amedha_ from getting a bite of something sensitive, but he was jarred about, causing some rather unpleasant feelings below the belt.

Scuttling backwards, dragging his bad leg, Tvrtko roared as the monster lunged again, tearing into his thigh. Finally releasing his blades, Tvrtko kicked at the _Kainde Amedha_, knocking it away from him, before stabbing it through the smaller mouth, twisting and ripping out the offending appendage.

The beast fell, bleeding out. Tvrtko stood, wobbling a little on his wounded leg. He guessed a fracture. It would heal soon enough, if he could find a safe place to get out his med pac.

He prepared to head out, when more screams rang through the night. He cursed and readied himself. The _Kainde Amedha_ were getting closer. There was no way he would have time to heal.

Scowling, he pulled his spear out, releasing it into its full length. The first of many _Kainde Amedha_ tore from the trees and he drove the spear into its chest, tossing it up and over his head.

More came, a dozen at least. Gripping his spear tighter, he winced as pain tore up his leg. This would not be an enjoyable battle.

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She had heard the sounds of battle. She hadn't wanted to get closer, but what if it was some humans? She could help them. Maybe. Evie inched closer to the battle ground, gun up, terrified. She finally came around the last tree and was struck at the sight.

There was the black alien guy, passed out on the ground. But, he was surrounded by the bodies of no less than fifteen Xenomorphs. Evie paled. Until then, she hadn't fully realized how powerful these new aliens were.

She walked carefully through the bodies, leery of the acidic blood flowing freely. Standing above the wounded, but still alive, alien, she stared further. He was covered in bloody wounds, from his legs to his shoulders. He was in bad shape, especially one of his legs. It was swollen to a great degree and a strange color.

Evie was struck with a conundrum. This new alien was incapacitated, helpless. The blood from the Xeno was oozing ever closer. She could save him with relative ease. But, on the other hand, he'd killed Small Time and had almost killed her before. Why bother?

She looked at the masked face and could hear the labored breathing. Its leg didn't look so good. She could just put it out of its misery. Then she'd help it AND her. But, she couldn't bring herself to aim her rifle at it. It was just too human looking.

Sighing, she slung her rifle over her shoulder, reaching down to grab the alien's arm. She began dragging him away, wishing she was strong enough to lift him fully. The bumpy road couldn't be helping his leg and could be infecting the other injuries he had. But, she wasn't that strong, so he would just have to deal.

After what seemed like hours, she made it back to where she'd run off to. It was a small house, only one story with a few rooms. She'd made a good stand there and the Xenomorphs she hadn't killed had run off in search of easier prey. She was thankful for that.

Evie hauled the body of the alien over the threshold, towards the small bedroom on her left. Panting from her efforts and sweating profusely, she glared at her final obstacle. There was no way she was going to be able to lift him into the bed.

Giving up, she carefully laid him on the carpeted floor before grabbing some pillows to put under his head. She surveyed the injuries he'd taken and sighed again. It was going to take her awhile to fix him up.

Eyeing the damaged codpiece, she busied herself with the first aid kit she'd managed to find. "I am NOT going there. A girl has her limits. I've found mine."

Working quickly, she sanitized and bandaged what she could, before looking at the leg. It was swollen, but there didn't seem to be any bone sticking out of the black skin. Gently testing the area, she decided to splint it, just in case.

Finishing her work, she yawned. The sun had gone down some time ago and she needed to rest. Standing, she pulled the thick comforter off the bed and draped it over her patient. His feet stuck out, so she fetched a few more blankets from the closet, ensuring he was well covered.

Leaving one blanket and pillow for herself, she clambered into the bed. Checking that her gun was loaded and at her side, she blew out the candles that had been her only light and fell asleep almost instantly, still worrying about where Marie was.

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Marie was, without a doubt, completely and hopelessly lost. "Damn the fact that I have no sense of direction!"

She simply kept pressing on, getting more and more stressed the longer she went without Evie's company. The sky kept darkening, heralding the oncoming night. Whimpering, Marie clutched her gun tighter, the only comfort she had as the shadows grew longer. Sniffling, she tried to keep from crying. "Evie… Come back… I'm scared of the dark! I don't want to be alone! Come back and tell me that I'm a big wuss and that everything is fine."

Continuing to talk to herself, Marie came into a clearing. There in front of her was the same large, red alien that had attacked her in the woods a week or so ago. Freezing, her mind went blank as it turned and began walking towards her.

It stood in front of her before reaching down and grabbing onto one of her pigtails. It leaned in close, clearly curious about it, before giving it a good tug. Marie's already unstable mind gave up and took the final step off the deep end.

Mind blanking of all her worries and fears, Marie smiled a simple, happy, child like smile. Leaning forward, she grabbed at one of the loose strands of the alien's hair and tugged it as well. The thing started, rearing up and she laughed. "What? I'm just returning the favor! I've never seen such spiffy dread locks! You know, you remind me a lot of this one kid I knew a long time ago. HE had epic dread locks, too! But you don't have beads in your hair. You have rings!"

The alien quirked its head at her, puzzled. Marie looked about. "So, where's the other one? Isn't he your friend? Did you lose him too? I lost MY friend. Do you want to help me find her? Maybe we can find your friend, too!"

Marie gazed up at the alien expectantly. He watched her, then nodded slowly, hitting a few buttons on his wrist and Marie's voice came crackling back to her. "My friend."

"Of course we're friends now! We are partners, out to find our lost buddies! But, I can't just call you alien dude…. There are too many aliens running around for that to work. I should name you. Or do you have a name?"

The red being nodded and a strange noise came from him. Marie frowned. "Doemagoatai?"

He shook his head, repeating the noise. Marie tried again. "Doumagotee?"

The being sighed, repeating it once more. Marie sighed as well. "We can work on this later. In the meantime, I'm just going to call you Martello, cus you have a hammer! I'll practice your name once we find our buddies. Oh, by the way, I'm Marie!"

Martello quirked his head. "Mah're?"

Marie shook her head. "That's close, but not quite. Listen. MAH-RI. Get it?"

Martello tried again. "Mah'rai?"

Marie rolled her eyes. "You know what? We can get down the details later. You can give me a nickname. So let's get a move on."

Marie strode off with Martello close behind. She heard him say something a few times. She just kept on, until a large hand grabbed the back of her shirt, hauling her back. She looked up into his mask, confused. "What is it, Martello? I'm trying to find our buddies! I'm sure if we wander around long enough we'll find them!"

Martello shook his head, pointing in the other direction, saying some different words than what he'd called out to her. Quirking her head, Marie looked deeply confused. "Teeverko? What's that?"

Martello's shoulders shook and Marie took it to mean he was laughing. She frowned. "Don't laugh at me! Learning a new language is hard! Especially when it doesn't even come from THIS planet! I had enough trouble with German."

Martello repeated the noise a few times, gesturing with his hand. Realization dawned on Marie's face. "Oh! Teeverko is your buddy! Is he that way? We'll go get him, then!"

Marie began striding off in the direction Martello had indicated, until he grabbed the back of her shirt once more. Marie frowned. "What is it NOW, Martello? I told you, we don't have time to practice semantics!"

He shook his head, then set her behind him, before walking off. Marie blinked, before skipping after him. "Okay! You can lead! I never know where I'm going anyway. At least now we can be lost together!"

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Sun came through the boards over the bedroom windows, waking Evie from her unusually peaceful slumber. She yawned, stretching, before sitting up to check on her patient. Looking down at the floor, she blinked.

Where a body had once been, there were only a few bandages left, tangled among the blankets. Cursing, she stood, looking around the small room. "Where did he go? I go through all that trouble and THIS is the thanks I get?"

Making sure she had all her things, she left the room, bringing a few blankets with her. They could be useful for trade or on a cold night. She hunted through the house, salvaging what she could, then left with another bag slung on her shoulder.

She strode along, annoyed. "I didn't HAVE to help him. No sirree. Could have let him get eaten! Or melted! Or whatever it is that would have happened! But nooo…."

She went through the woods at a pretty decent pace, heading towards where she thought Goners was. "If I can make it back there, I can wait pretty much anything out until Marie gets there. Then we can go and get to Marv's FINALLY."

Unfortunately, Life did not want to make Evie's day any easier. She came into a clearing, still muttering angrily to herself, and her head jerked up at a familiar voice.

"Well! I didn't think I'd catch sight of YOU again! Where's the other crazy bitch?"

Evie winced at the rough voice resounding through the clearing. She smiled, edging back towards the woods. "Well, Dingo. I didn't expect to see you again either. I was hoping to find your partially devoured corpse instead, but alas. We can't all get what we want."

Dingo was lounging against a fallen tree trunk, arm and shoulder bandaged thoroughly. He was grinning that same infuriatingly condescending grin he always did. This time, though, he was flanked by two rather burly men. Evie's eyebrow quirked. "Your new harem?"

The man's grin changed into a snarl and he stood, albeit slowly. "Don't say stupid shit like that, you bitch! They're the first of my new gang. I was getting one started just to hunt down you and that other crazy woman. She needs some taming and I'm certain some time with us good men could help that."

Evie snorted, trying not to laugh. "I don't think much of anything can calm her down, unless she wants to be calmed. A pansy bitch like you wouldn't be able to handle her for five minutes. Besides, didn't she have you on your knees, cowering in fear? I seem to recall that."

The big men looked at Dingo, clearly torn between laughter and silence. Dingo snarled, infuriated. "She's lying! Capture that bitch! I'll teach her to tell lies!"

The big men nodded, finally getting orders they could understand. Charging the slim woman, they held out their hands. Evie started, dodging away nimbly. She kept just out of reach, taunting them. Sadly, her luck ran out.

Evie came face to face with a gun, held by Dingo. Evie groaned in annoyance. "I was hoping you would be a little slower. Damn."

Dingo just grinned. "Ha! Well, you thought wrong, bitch. Now, just set all your things on the ground and come this way."

Evie sighed, complying. Both the packs she had, her guns, even the one or two knives that Marie insisted she carry with her. She took a step towards Dingo, wary.

He just kept grinning. "Come on, closer. I just want to check and make sure you don't have anything hidden on ya."

This stopped Evie in her tracks, a look of mixed disgust and skepticism on her face. "Seriously? That's the best line you could come up with? Like I haven't heard THAT one before. What do you think this is, a bad porn movie? Lines like that don't really work, you know."

Dingo's self assured grin faded into a frown. "Shut up! Just get over here!"

Evie didn't budge. "Like I want to get any closer to you, creeper. I know EXACTLY where you want to 'check' me and the answer is NO."

Dingo moved forward and before Evie could get away, he grabbed a good handful of her hair, pulling her towards him. "I don't really care what you say, you mouthy bitch! You just don't know when to shut up, do you? Why don't I give your mouth something more useful to do?"

Evie made a face. "If I were you, I'd be worrying about it getting lost in my 'big mouth'. You need to be careful with small things, you know."

The lunkheads serving Dingo couldn't stop themselves this time and began chuckling. This only infuriated Dingo even further. Twisting the hair in his grasp, he pulled hard, dragging her towards the campsite.

Evie yelped as she was tugged along, trying to free herself. She glared at the chuckling twosome behind her. "Yeah, keep it up! I bet you two aren't any better in that department!"

The two stopped, gaping, before spitting curses at her, trying to defend their slighted honor. Evie smiled, satisfied to have caused them personal turmoil, before she was thrown to the ground.

Dingo stood above her, gun still aimed at her head. He smiled nastily at her. "Now then, why don't we get to know each other better?"

Evie rolled her eyes. "Do you have ANY idea how cliché that is? Can't you even PRETEND to be original?"

Dingo slapped her and she winced, having accidentally bitten her tongue. Dingo looked ready to go through with his plan, when the scene was interrupted by a manly scream of pain.

Evie and Dingo glanced across the clearing, trying to locate the source of the ruckus. One of the two men had a recently born Xeno on his head, and was screaming and flailing as the infant merrily clawed away at his face and eyes, screeching. The man's companion looked at the beast askance, wanting to help, but unwilling to risk having the baby on HIS head.

Dingo snarled in irritation, stomping over to deal with the problem. Evie used their distraction to carefully edge forward, closer to her things, hoping to avoid detection. She reached her things, gently picking up her weapons and packs, before getting into a low crouch and moving away. "Finally, the Xenos are useful for once."

As she hit the tree line, Dingo turned to check on her. Finding Evie almost to the woods, he screamed in rage, bringing up his gun. Evie yelped, diving into the foliage, scrambling away as more Xeno screams filled the air. She heard Dingo cursing up a storm, but he didn't follow.

She kept running, pounding the dirt, hearing the screams getting closer. Checking her ammo, she winced at how low she was. "Being low on ammo and surrounded by Xenos is NEVER good…"

She slowed, watching the trees carefully. Suddenly, an arm wrapped around her neck and she was dragged into a decently sized cave, previously hidden by foliage. Evie tried to scream, but the arm around her neck tightened, clearly warning her to keep quiet.

She couldn't look up, but she noted the size and color of the arm holding her in place. It was the alien she had bandaged up the night before! He was holding her close to his side, blades released on his other hand. He was looking out of the opening, she guessed he was making sure that no Xenos found them.

As the screams rang about their hiding spot, his arm loosened, but kept her close. She desperately wanted to yell or hit him or run, something! But she stopped herself. He wasn't trying to hurt her. So, she stayed silent.

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Marie sat crossed legged on the ground, deeply involved in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe with herself. As she set another rock down, she heard voices coming closer. Looking up, she quirked her head. It was two men, that she could tell. She perked up, smiling. "Maybe Jedi and Sketchers have caught up! I missed them! They can meet my new friend!"

She suddenly frowned. "But, wait… They may not LIKE Martello. It was him or his buddy that killed Small Time. That could make for awkward times. This must be handled delicately…"

As she thought to herself about the best way to make introductions, a few rocks fell on her head. Yelping, she rubbed her head, glaring up the rock outcropping she was sitting next to. "You COULD be a little more careful, Martello! I am a delicate and fragile flower!"

As she went back to her game of Tic-Tac-Toe, the voices got closer. Scowling at the Cat's Game she found herself faced with, she knocked the rocks away with a quick bat of her hand and started again. Before she could get any further into her sport, the men reached her.

"God DAMN! I didn't think we would EVER get away from those Xeno bastards!"

Marie looked up, quirking her head. Crawling, she peered about the side of the rock formation. There she spotted Dingo and another man, who had his face covered in scratches and was missing an eye. Marie frowned. Her mother would not have approved of such eye damage.

Hiding behind the structure again, Marie contemplated what to do. Martello was searching the area from the top of the rock for their lost comrades and the way back to Goners. She was low on ammo and didn't feel like wasting good armor piercing rounds on a waste of space like Hoboface.

She giggled to herself. "I rhymed! Yay!"

Unfortunately, her glee at her poetic accomplishment revealed her location to the two men. They charged around the corner while she still sat in front of her game.

Dingo scowled at her. "I can't tell if this is my lucky day or if the world just wants to fuck with me more."

Marie smiled. "Just assume the world hates you. It doesn't like ugly people! But don't worry, I'm sure that isn't your fault."

Dingo snarled. "I've had ENOUGH of you bitches insulting me! Rick! Get her!"

Rick stumbled forward, off balance from pain and the loss of his eye. The bandages around his eye socket and head made things even more difficult. Marie bounced up, skipping away, easily keeping out of reach. "Catch me if you can, Patches!"

Dingo watched the woman whip around the side of the structure and he turned around. "Is it just me, or has she turned into an even crazier crazy person? Where's the psycho bitch? She's more like a hyper third grader."

Before he could think any further on this, Marie came charging around the structure again, almost running into him. She stopped, gaped, then crossed her arms, pouting. "You CHEATED! You're supposed to chase, too!"

Dingo just looked at her, confused. Shrugging off his thoughts, he aimed his gun at her. "No more games, bitch. I've got a score to settle with you."

Marie gaped at him, shocked. "What a rude thing to call a lady! I am deeply offended. Away with you, uncouth villain!"

Dingo just got more confused. He squinted at her, trying to figure out if she had suffered a head wound. He shrugged again. "Deal with it, psycho."

Before anything else could be said or done, a large shape came hurtling down from above. Martello landed with a thud, shaking everything and everyone around just a little bit. He stood, towering right behind Marie.

Dingo's man, Rick, gaped up at the red being. Whimpering, he gave Martello a wide berth, running to hide behind Dingo. Staring, Rick whispered to Dingo. "Boss… What IS that thing?"

Marie turned, smiling up at the masked figure. "Martello! You have returned at a most opportune moment! That man has offended my honor. Be my champion and go forth to maim and terrorize him!"

Rick whimpered, cowering further. When he looked again, the beast was just staring down at the woman, unmoved. Marie smiled brightly. "Or, if you were feeling a tad bit tired, you could always give ME the hammer and I could go forth to maim and terrorize! I'm not picky."

Martello quirked his head, chirruping. Marie went forward, reaching up towards where the hammer was slung on his shoulder. Jumping up and down, she tried desperately to reach it. "Gimme! Gimme the hammer! I wanna break stuff!"

Martello leaned down and Marie squealed with glee. "Hammer! Yes! Good, Martello!"

Unfortunately, giving Marie his hammer was NOT what he had intended. He wrapped an arm around her waist, easily hauling her up under his arm, tucked against his side. Marie flailed. "No, Martello, no! Bad, Squire! No biscuit or knighthood for YOU! Let me down, you addle-pated fool! I am NOT a football!"

Martello turned to stride off into the woods and Dingo chuckled nervously. "Well, at least someone can put that crazy bitch in her place!"

Marie did her best to turn around and began spitting out insults as fast as she could think of them. "Thou impertinent common-kissing clotpole! Thou gleeking shard-borne boar-pig! Thou mammering whoreson barnacle!"

The strange beast and the woman disappeared into the trees, Marie still shrieking insults. Dingo yelled after her. "What the hell does that shit even mean, you crazy ass whore?"

Rick stood by, deeply disturbed by the events of the day. He looked at Dingo, worried. "We're not going after them, are we?"

Dingo panted, shouldering his gun. "No… Not yet."

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Evie followed closely behind the alien that she had saved, and then been saved by. They had stayed in the cave for some time, waiting until the Xenos had moved on before leaving. Now they were on the move and she wasn't sure where to.

She had tried talking to him already, but it did little good. He simply ignored her or made angry noises at her. So, they walked on in silence.

When Evie was about ready to collapse from exhaustion, the tree line broke. There in front of them was Goners. Evie smiled, looking over at the black alien. He'd been leading her back to this place the whole time.

They stood next to it and Evie remembered that Marie had the keys. Sighing, she leaned against the van, looking out into the darkening woods. The black alien stood next to her, arms crossed. She wondered why he hadn't left yet. Surely he had better things to do.

She had been on the verge of trying communication once more when a comfortingly familiar voice was heard shrieking through the trees.

"Thou craven boil-brained malt-worm!"

Evie smiled, standing and peering into the shadows. There was Marie, slung under the other beast's arm, flailing and insulting away, seeming quite happy despite her foul language. Marie had been on the verge of saying something else, when she spotted Evie and Goners.

Smiling, Marie waved wildly. "HI EVIE! Did you miss me? I missed YOU!"

Evie quirked her head. Marie was… different. She couldn't put her finger on what, though. It wasn't a bad change, she didn't think. Just… different. Evie grinned wider. "Yeah, I missed you, you goof. What trouble have you gotten into now? And who is THAT?"

The red alien set Marie down and she charged forward, latching onto Evie, snuggling her friend. "THAT is my newest friend and ex-squire, Martello! I named him that cus every time I try and say his real name, he laughs at me or gets annoyed. I told him we could work on semantics later, after I found you again!"

Marie stepped back, holding one of Evie's hands. They watched the two aliens greet each other with a punch to the shoulder and Martello attempted to hug the smaller alien. The black one was clearly scandalized by this and jumped back, chittering angrily.

Marie smiled. "That must be Teeverko! Martello was looking for him, like I was looking for you!"

'Teeverko' stopped what he had been saying, turning to glare at Marie. The girl stopped, eyes widening, sniffling. "Did I say it wrong?"

Martello seemed to laugh, then repeated the proper pronunciation of the black one's name. Evie blinked. "Tuhvertko?"

Martello nodded, clapping Evie on the shoulder, then spoke again, pointing at himself. She blinked, trying to regain her balance from the shoulder clap. "Dohmagotay?"

Martello nodded enthusiastically, before turning back and speaking in excited tones to his friend. Marie pouted, snuffling. "I'm just gonna keep calling him Martello… And Teeverko can be Ninja, cus he looks like one. So THERE!"

Evie nodded, patting Marie on the head. "Martello and Ninja are much easier to say, anyway."

Evie gently nudged Marie towards the van. "Go get Goners started up, sweetheart. We have to hurry if we're going to get to Marv's soon."

Marie got in, mumbling to herself. Evie turned away, looking at Martello and Ninja. Frowning, she held up her hand as they moved towards her. "Hold it! We're very grateful, but you two should be on your way."

The two didn't move, just looked at her. She frowned, then made shooing motions with her hands. "Go! Shoo! Away with ye!"

Again, they stayed put. She sighed, shaking her head. Then, Martello hit a few buttons and Marie's voice rang out. "Friend!"

Evie glowered, then turned her glare onto Marie. Marie hunched down, staring through the window. "But, he HELPED me! We're FRIENDS now!"

Martello hit his wrist again, repeating Marie. "We're FRIENDS now!"

Evie turned, walking to her seat. "No, we are not! We were temporary allies. Now, go away!"

As the two drove off, Marie leaned out the window, waving at them. "Bye! I liked you! Bye bye!"

Martello's shoulders slumped and he looked at Ninja. Ninja shrugged, then set off at a light jog to follow the dwindling van. Martello perked up and jogged after.

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The van moved along and Marie pouted, trying not to sniffle. Evie sighed. "Marie. I'm sorry, but it's not healthy to be friends with aliens. Especially ones that can't choose whether to kill us or help us."

Marie just sniffled more. "I MISS my friend… He had a hammer."

Evie sighed, rubbing her head. This new Marie seemed much crazier than the old one, but in a happy way. She wasn't sure if she liked it or not. On the one hand, it was much less likely that Marie would stab her at any given moment. On the other hand, their collective chance of survival just plummeted. "Oh, Marie. Why can't you go back to being fun AND sane?"

Marie didn't hear Evie's statement, too focused on a far off dust cloud. Marie smiled her old, very feral, smile. "Eeevie! You know what?"

Evie looked warily at that grin. "What?"

"We never got payment for our last job."

"No. We didn't. So?"

Marie pointed at the dust cloud. "So… We should go collect our payment!"

"How? The caravans are long gone and winter is getting way too close for comfort. We should have been to Marv's a few days ago already."

"We don't need to find ALL of them! Just a few. Besides, they OWE us."

Evie nodded. "Yeah… Marie, are you suggesting we go mug the caravans that ditched us?"

Marie smiled, much more sweetly. "Yep! But don't make it sound so bad. Think of it as us playing a game of Robin Hood for a few days! Okay?"

Evie looked at Marie, rolling her eyes. "Robin Hood. Right."

!)(#$%&!+_#$!&(%)!#_(%^!*$^!+#%$+!#)!*)^%!+_+_#)%^*$_^!*#+$%^_)!$%*^!

If any of you were wondering, we didn't make up Marie's rather flamboyant insults on our own. We got them from this website: .

Now, if you like the Shakespearan Insults used, you should go look at them, thou mewling motley-minded giglets!


	8. We Like to Get PAID!

Author's Note: Chapter 7 has arrived! And so has the contest! Hooray!

So, the rules are simple. We have a certain smiley that we will hide in our scene breaks. The scene breaks will be longer than normal to make it more difficult. The scene breaks will also be numbered.

When you think you have found the smiley, you must PRIVATE MESSAGE us with the number of the scene break you think it's located in.

The first person to message us AND tell us the correct location will win a gift one shot!

So, here is your prey: O/o

Good fortune, smiley hunters!

Disclaimer: We own nothing, except our own awesomeness.

**1)**!)$&%_#$^%+#$^*)$^#_$^!$)(^*!(#$%)!#+_*^)$)^%!*(+#%^_!*$)^!$&%*!_#(!$_%&(!+#_%*&!)(_%*!+#T%&!(%^!)(#$*(!_%*&!)(%_(!&%!#%_(#*O/!+_#%*(#+_!&(#*%+_(!#&*%)(!*#$(!*#_(%*!_*!_#(*!%*%#%*!)$(%o/O!_#)(%&!#+%!_(%&+!

Chapter 7: What We're Basically Saying is We like to get...Paid!

The van sped along easily, but the atmosphere within the vehicle was less than relaxed. Marie was pouting, slouched over the wheel, while Evie attempted to reconcile with her partner. "Marie, we couldn't bring them with us!"

Snuffling, Marie kept looking ahead. "Yeah HUH! We coulda put them in the back! We shouldn't ditch our friends, Evie. It's bad form."

Evie sighed. "For the last time, they are NOT our friends. They may not necessarily be enemies, but they are DEFINITELY not friends. They killed Small Time! AND tried to kill US!"

"I'm sure they didn't mean it. It was an accident."

"How do you accidentally shoot a laser beam through someone's torso?"

Marie shrugged. "Bad aim?"

Evie barked out a laugh. "They are KILLING MACHINES. I highly doubt they have BAD AIM."

Marie simply continued pouting and Evie rubbed her forehead in exasperation. The van came to a fork and Marie slowed, clearly contemplating her choice. Evie looked longingly down the path to the right. "Come on, Marie! We caught two of the caravans. Don't we have enough crap? I doubt we'd be able to fit anything more in back, anyway."

The two turned, looking in the rear. It was piled high with weapons, ammunition, food, blankets, clothing, shoes, medicines, and many other things. The back was so cramped that the tires they had confiscated were lashed to the top of the vehicle. Marie shrugged. "But, we can always use more! Come on, we're products of a consumerist culture!"

"Yeah, a consumerist culture that's DEAD. Now we just get the stuff we NEED. If we're LUCKY."

Sulking, Marie turned back around. "I thought this stuff was GREAT. I mean, come on. Medicine! Even some rare stuff, like this anesthesia!"

Evie just scowled. "We don't even know how to use that stuff!"

"Yeah, but I'm sure SOMEONE knows. And they'll want to trade for it. We can make them pay through the nose!"

Evie shook her head in dismay. "When did you become such a cut throat?"

Marie matched, and beat, Evie's dark look with one of her own. "I became one after these bastards ditched us and let Chatter and Bossman die for them. They deserve a lot worse than to have to pay us what they would have anyway. Would you rather I just massacre all of them? I can do that, too, and then take whatever I want."

Evie held up her hands in a placating gesture. "No, no, it's fine. They do owe us, you're right. It's just that Marv is getting LONELY. And maybe even worried! And what if the snows hit before we can get to that last caravan and back to Marv's? And poor Goners is in bad shape."

Slouching, Marie gave up and turned the wheel away from the left, and the caravan tracks, headed them towards Marv's hide out.

Evie breathed out a sigh, thankful Marie was so attached to Marv and his way with mechanical things. Marie hit the gas and they shot off, passing by the trees and hills that surrounded them quickly.

**2)**!_#%)('/-13209571=23-95!_%&(!#+%

Evie kept silent, watching her friend carefully. Marie was still sulking. Evie swore she could see Marie's pig tails drooping sadly. How pig tails could look sad, she didn't know. But, for some reason, they did at this point.

They hit the plains and Evie knew they were almost to Marv's. She would feel much more comfortable once they were safe inside the thick walls that he provided. Evie turned to look out the window, uncertain what to say to make Marie perk up again.

Suddenly, Evie spotted the perfect opportunity. She turned to Marie, smiling. "Hey! I know you're mad about not being able to go after that last caravan, but how about this? There's that farm house over there that we keep forgetting to go ransack. How about we take a little detour, huh? You like looting!"

Marie just sulked, acting like a spoiled five year old. "I thought you said we didn't have TIME to do any of that stuff. We gotta get back to MARV'S."

Evie leaned over, looping an arm around Marie's shoulders. "Aw, come on. Don't be that way! You know what? I dare you. Don't. Smile."

The corner of Marie's mouth twitched. Evie grinned. "Dooon't SMILE! Don't do it!"

Marie suppressed a giggle, desperately trying to keep her lips from curving. Evie pressed her advantage. "Oh? What's that? I think I see a smile! Your face is cracking! Is gonna break! Don't smile! Don't do it!"

Marie couldn't take anymore and began laughing. Evie knew she had won this time and joined in the laughter. Finally, the two calmed down and Marie still had a pleased smile on her face. "All right, let's go, then. It'll only take us an hour or two max to get through."

Marie turned the wheel and they shot towards the white house and Evie sat back, satisfied that she had managed to defuse a potentially dangerous situation. Marie was happier, yes. But still totally nuts.

**3)**!%&(!+#_%(&!#$+%^_(%&!+#_(%&!+#_%*(!#+_(%*!+(#%&+!#(%&+#%/O/o','.]o-!_#)(%&!#+(!%&#$%*_~~_!%*&)(+!#O/o(%&!#%*(!+(#$&%+!_(%*!+#%!%)&#+_($&%^+#*(!*)($&%^+_(#%*!_(&%^_($&(!#%_(!*_%(*!#_$)*(!#+(%*&#*+!#+!#%*!+_#%!(

Marie squealed happily, cuddling the small, white stuffed cat. Evie shook her head, smiling. Marie stopped, staring at Goners in horror, before turning around and fixing Evie with a deeply intense look. "Evie. WHERE are we going to put Kitty-chan?"

Evie quirked her head, confused. "On the floor? On my lap? On top of one of the many piles of crap?"

Marie frowned, squishing the stuffed Hello Kitty doll closer. "Absolutely not! That isn't SAFE! What if we're in an accident? She could get whip lash!"

Evie immediately knew that, by giving Marie the doll, she had doomed herself to further frustration and headaches. "I'm sure you'll be a careful driver. Kitty-chan will be just fine. She IS filled with nothing but squishiness. All will be well."

Marie just shook her head furiously. "No! Nonono! She must have a seat! With a seat belt!"

Evie sighed, mildly infuriated. "But NOW I have to reorganize EVERYTHING! I had things just where I wanted them!"

Marie shrugged, nonplussed. "Then forget the organization. We'll sort things when we get to Marv's."

"NO! It doesn't work like that! Just stay over there with that cat and let me work!"

Marie shrugged and sat down on the ground, happily playing with the cat. Evie began taking things out of the van, popped up a seat, then attempted to put all that she had taken out back in.

Occasionally Marie would yell out 'helpful' advice, such as "Don't put that there! It will fall on Kitty-chan!". Or, "No, she can't have anything on the seat with her!".

Needless to say, Evie was getting extremely irritated. Finally, she stepped back, admiring her work. Everything was shoved in or on top of the car and one seat open for the stuffed cat. Then, an ominous noise came from within the vehicle.

With little warning, one pile of things tipped over, falling out of the open door in a thunderous avalanche. When the torrent stopped, Evie stood ankle deep in the items they had gathered during the traveling season.

Marie came over and peered in the car. "Well, like I said, we could always forget about organization. Kitty-chan is impatient to leave."

Evie's right eye twitched, then she shrieked, hurling all the fallen items into the car. One thing fell back out and she knelt down, scooped up the offending object, and hurled it as hard as she could, before turning and stomping to her seat.

Marie looked after the object before securing Kitty-chan in her newly appointed spot. Walking to the driver's seat, Marie got in, buckled her seatbelt, then fixed Evie with a stern look. "Evie. That was terribly wasteful. Grenades are hard to come by nowadays."

**4)**!)(#%p[120395712+!+_#(%+~~~~~~~~~~~!#%*$!%(+#_(%*!#$%&!+#_%

Dho'mago'te and Tvrtko looked on, amused by the strange dance that the taller female was performing. Dho'mago'te watched intensely, recording the odd behavior. He mumbled to himself, recording his notes as well. "Perhaps it is a dance to display her territory? That those belong to her and no challengers will be allowed?"

As Dho'mago'te studied his observational subjects, Tvrtko was idly attempting to skewer a small, furry creature that was cantering above them in the trees. The thing was fast, with a large tail. He'd only snagged one or two so far.

Suddenly, an object flew through the air and hit him in the head. He jerked up quickly, confused, then looked down and picked up a small, black device. He looked at it curiously, before it was snagged from his hands by Dho'mago'te.

The larger Yautja peered at the item intensely, before reaching up and removing a small, thin piece of metal from the object. Nothing happened.

Dho'mago'te shrugged, then tossed it over his shoulder. Tvrtko looked at Dho'mago'te askance. "What did you do that for?"

"I thought it would do something interesting. It didn't."

At this point in time, an explosion erupted from behind them, which managed to make Dho'mago'te stumble a bit and alarmed Tvrtko.

The two blinked, gazing at the area behind them that now was singed and smoking. Tvrtko glared up at Dho'mago'te. The big one shrugged. "Apparently it DOES do something interesting. I was simply too impatient."

Tvrtko smacked him. "What have I told you about playing with strange objects? ESPECIALLY _Ooman_ ones? They're crazy! Impatient indeed. If you had been holding it, not even the med kit would have helped the remnants of your hand, much less your body."

Dho'mago'te shrugged once more. "But I haven't lost my hand, have I? All is well! Now, we must go. Dai'za'te and her companion are getting away."

Tvrtko frowned, quirking his head. "Who?"

Dho'mago'te waved his hand casually after the retreating machine. "Dai'za'te. The shorter female."

"Don't NAME it! We're not here to gather PETS!"

Frowning, Dho'mago'te set off. "It's a HER. Not an IT. Surely you knew that."

Tvrtko threw up his arms. "That's not the point! Calling them the female or the _Ooman_ works just fine!"

"No, it doesn't! There are TWO of them! I must name them. It helps my documentation make more sense."

Tvrtko made a disgusted noise. "Isn't it enough that the short one has a lot of knives and the taller one always shoots me? That differentiates them enough for ME."

Dho'mago'te pointed at Tvrtko, chittering gleefully. "Ha! You agree she has many knives! Her name fits! Thus, it shall remain!"

Tvrtko sighed, deeply annoyed. Dho'mago'te patted his shoulder sympathetically. "If you really feel so strongly about it, you may name the other one."

Tvrtko simply glared at his partner before slamming his fist into the larger Yautja's gut. Tvrtko then strode off after the vanished transporter, feeling slightly better.

**5)**!_][/.'.0/^!(*#

The two warriors looked on as the two females packed up their camp. The tall one was acting strangely and Dai'za'te was clearly trying to avoid her. Dho'mago'te frowned. This abnormal behavior MUST have a reason. Then, it hit him. He turned to Tvrtko and hit his shoulder.

Tvrtko started. "What was that for?"

Dho'mago'te frowned behind his mask. "YOU must have done something to anger Dai'za'te's companion!"

"Why me? It could have been you!"

Dho'mago'te sniffed. "I was with Dai'za'te. Besides, I KNOW, for a FACT, that you offended her!"

Tvrtko was getting exasperated. "WHAT did I do?"

Dho'mago'te crossed his arms, glaring down. "She cared for you when you were weak. She could have slain you. You owe her a life debt. But you left her! You rejected her AND her healing. Clearly, she must be offended that you brush off your debts so lightly."

"I took her back to her transporter!"

Dho'mago'te was unmoved. "I asked you to do that anyway. Doesn't count."

Tvrtko growled. "I saved her from a large grouping of_ Kainde Amedha_!"

"She deals with those all the time. I'm sure she would have been fine. You must placate her and restore your honor!"

Tvrtko turned away, staring down at the tall female. If it was true, then he had to begin to pay the life debt. But she shot at him almost every time he got close. How could he possibly get near enough to begin repayment?

Sighing, Tvrtko turned to his friend. "Fine. I will do as you say. But how will I get near? She shoots me."

Dho'mago'te sat down and thought for a little while, before straightening up. "You should present her a peace offering!"

Tvrtko quirked his head. "Would that work?"

Nodding furiously, hair swinging, Dho'mago'te replied. "Of course! Did you not see yesterday how the tall one presented Dai'za'te with a gift when Dai'za'te was angry? It was a peace offering, and Dai'za'te was placated! You should do the same."

Tvrtko nodded. This made sense. He thought upon what he could present the angered _Ooman_. Suddenly, it came to him. She had lost her own version of a trophy the other day, a small, shiny bauble. He would give her a better trophy.

**6)**!#_%&)!+_(#%^*!#+++++++++$_#$(%&!%&$)^_$%+&)^+$*&^&$*%^_#$)+*^)$#_#$^)#%&+&*$#%&_(*$^&(%)*#_^#)$^(+#%^)*#$*#_0/01258JD)W(ER)$!_+(^%_%*)!#%+#)O/o#$)(^&#$%(#$^&+_!*)$^&!(+_&#$+_%&!^+_($%*!+(^!$&+_!%*_#

Tvrtko lurked in the brushline surrounding the _Oomans _ that he and his companion had been tracking all warm season. The females had made camp once more. Tvrtko steeled himself, then marched into the circle of light, decloaking as he went. Dho'mago'te followed close behind. The tall female started, reaching for her burner, but he held up his hands, hoping to show his lack of weaponry.

She seemed to calm a bit, as she lowered her weapon. Dai'za'te charged over and latched onto Dho'mago'te's arm. Dho'mago'te lifted his arm and Dai'za'te hung from the limb, swinging back and forth, making happy noises.

The other female seemed to be scolding Dai'za'te, standing in the process. Tvrtko seized his chance. Going over, he stood in front of her, gazing down. Her ugly face furrowed and she stepped back, beginning to raise her weapon up to point at him once more. He held up one hand, trying to prevent any further shooting.

She stopped and waited, but did no lower her burner. He pulled his peace offering out of his belt and held it towards her. It was a necklace, with one of his hair bands and several small skulls. He had been busy hunting the small, furry rodents that continually mocked his mother from the perceived safety of the treetops. He was rather pleased that the trophies he had been taking from them were able to be of use.

It had been hard to give up one of his bands, a sign of the hard-worn honor that he was granted for his prowess, but he hoped it would prove that he had meant no disrespect when he had left. It also showed that, as long as she had the band, he owed her a debt. He would try and get that meaning across on some other day.

She looked at it askance and he worried that she would refuse it. He pushed it forward once more and she took it from him, holding it in her much smaller, squishier hands. He chittered happily as she willingly put it over her head and around her neck, saying something to him that he could not understand. He was fairly certain she was pleased, however.

Tvrtko gave a small bow, then turned away and strode over to Dho'mago'te, who was occupied with keeping Dai'za'te entertained. She was busily clambering all over the large Yautja, making strange squealing noises when Dho'mago'te lifted her up to set her back down on the ground.

Dho'mago'te looked up at the pleased Tvrtko and smiled. "I take it all went well?"

Tvrtko nodded, then headed toward the edge of the clearing. "Come, Dho'mago'te. Now that we have restored peace, we should leave. We've stayed too long in the cold zone as it is."

Dho'mago'te frowned, looking at the small female he had held in his hands. She was kicking her legs and seemed happy. She looked up at him and bared her teeth, which he took as a good sign, at least among _Oomans_.

Sighing, he set her down slowly and gently. She gazed up at him, confusion written all over her strange little face. He patted her on the head. "Don't worry, Dai'za'te. We shall return once the cold has gone."

He turned to leave, but was stopped in his tracks by a small wail that rose up behind him before Dai'za'te wrapped herself around his left leg. It made walking mildly difficult. Reaching down, he carefully pried her arms apart, lifting her from him.

He set her down, and looked at her. She was clearly distraught. She hadn't understood him. Thinking, he finally recalled one recording he had that could work. A deep voice came from his recorder as he hit the button. "I'll be back".

She bared her teeth once more and he nodded, turning to follow Tvrtko. As the two left, cloaking and sprinting for their ship, Tvrtko looked over at the depressed behemoth. "Dai'za'te will be fine. As will Faru'qi. Don't worry. Your observational subjects can go without us for awhile."

Dho'mago'te looked over at Tvrtko, then laughed. Tvrtko frowned, confused. "WHAT is so funny, Dho'mago'te?"

"You named her! FINALLY! I was getting impatient."

Tvrtko just clacked his mandibles and sped on, leaving Dho'mago'te in the dust.

**7)**!_%&)(!+#(%^!&#+%_!+^&!+_%*!+_(_#&%^!_%(!_)O?o!)#(%&!+#_(!_%!%&!+#_(%!+_#&+_!)%*(!&$^%+!_(#%*!+&+_%_!#+%*&!$%^(_!#%*(!#&%_*!(#%^!&+#_(%&)!#+%^_(!#%+^&+!$%*!(#$%^*)#&%*+!(#$^&!_#%*&(!$)*%^!#%*!#+

Author's End Note: We would like to make an apology for the lateness of this chapter. Family reunions, plus getting ready for school, plus massive amounts of flooding has made getting this chapter done difficult. We hope that it was worth the wait! We love you all.

Also, if this chapter seems a little choppy, it's because we skipped over events that happened in the Minivan Escapades. We've vowed to never repeat the same content if we can help it. Hope you enjoyed!

And for those of you, like MissCaty, who wanted the Shakespeare insults, here it is again. Hopefully you all will be able to go to it this time. We took the http:/www. off the front. Hope that works!


	9. Dashing Through the Sand

Author's Note: roxfox62 won! Yay! Good job! Thanks to everyone who participated and to everyone who has reviewed. We heart you!

Moving on. WIIIINTER MOOONTAAAGE!

Disclaimer: We own nothing and nothing owns us! We think. O.o

!)&_#+$_!#&($^+!_%U!Y#$^(&!#%(!+_*(#$^#$+_%)!#$^(&!#$_(%*)!#$^((((

Chapter 8: Dashing Through the Sand

The van crested over the hill and the girls both heaved sighs of relief at the sight of the strange fortress on the mound in front of them. They drove down into the valley, towards the man-made monster of a hill, coming to stop at the first of three fortress walls. Marie leaned out and pushed a com button, speaking towards it. "Hey, Marv! Evie and I are here. Open up!"

A nasally voice came back at them. "How do I KNOW it's you? You could be held hostage. Trying to get other bad people in. YOU'RE LATE."

Marie tried not to burst out laughing, but one look at Evie and they both gave in to their giggles. This was an old game. Marie leaned back to the com. "Marvin. Darling. You have cameras. You can see us. We're fine. Wave for the cameras, Evie!"

The two leaned out the side windows, waving both arms. Marv responded once more. "They could be in the back! You people are tricky like that. I can't trust you! Go away!"

Marie reached back and grabbed a bag of cookies. Evie looked at her and quirked an eyebrow. "So THAT'S what you were saving them for."

Marie nodded. "Extra insurance."

Leaning out the van once more, Marie waved the bag of cookies out the window, in clear view of several cameras. There was a pause, before Marv's tentative voice rang out. "Are those COOKIES?"

Marie pulled the treats back into the vehicle, hiding them from sight. "I dunno, Marv. Why don't you let us in and you can find out?"

"I dunno…"

Marie smiled, crinkling the wrapping. "I could always open this up and eat them myself…"

There was a creaking noise as the gate opened just enough for the van to slip by. Marie giggled and went in. The door slammed shut behind them and they were in a wide courtyard, another wall in front of them. This area was covered in buildings, as it was used as shelter and a trading hub by most caravans in the summer.

They drove up to the next door and called through the com. The door opened with little trouble and they sped through, finally relaxing as they hit their domain. The second ring belonged to fewer buildings, including warehouses, a car garage, and the place Evie and Marie stayed in for the winter.

Marie took Goners to the door of a warehouse and the doors slid open. Marie leaned out the window once more. "Thanks, Marv! We'll get stuff sorted down here. We've got a GREAT haul this year!"

"That's nice. Leave the cookies on my special table."

"Will do. Catch ya later."

The van went to the center of the warehouse, the lights having come on automatically. The girls hopped out and began unfastening the bungee cords holding things on the roof. They worked with practiced ease and efficiency, moving on to what was stored inside the van quickly.

Once everything was sorted out, the girls took a few things for themselves. New blankets, some of the medicine, a couple of books and other extra luxuries. Marie slammed the rear doors shut and waved to Evie. "I'm going to take Goners over to the shop, see what I can do for him without Marv."

Evie waved back, heading for the door. "I'll be in my room, getting settled. I'll put your pack in your room."

Marie smiled, then took off towards a building on the other side of the small complex. Evie walked to a small, two story building and pushed the front door open. She walked into a small, comfortably furnished living room and added the books to the shelves already there.

She passed some other doors, leading to a kitchen, den, and a bathroom. Going upstairs, she took the second door on the left, leaving Marie's well worn pack on her purple bed spread. Giggling at the purple everywhere, she went to her room across the hall.

She sighed and flopped onto her own green bed spread, and realized her "green" themed room was no better than Marie's purple. Eyeing the green, brown and gold covering her room, she settled back into the softness of her bed. "This beats camping out and Goners ANY day."

She heard feet clomping about downstairs and knew Marie would be in the kitchen. Sitting up, Evie decided to take a shower while Marie munched. She felt disgusting. Hopping off the bed, she kicked off her shoes and drug off her socks, padding out the bedroom door and further down the hall.

She opened the door at the end and smiled at the sight of a fully furnished bathroom. She opened the taps on the bathtub and sent the water rushing. Humming happily, she threw in bubble bath. "Ah. Marv, you make surviving the apocalypse totally bearable."

!_#)(%&#+$~(#%$(!%&!_%!^&+!_%&!+_(%*^!_(0/o!_#$&)(%+#%&(!^+)#_(!%*

Marie and Evie were snuggled up in Marie's bed, tucked under the covers. The lamps were on and it was snowing heavily outside. Evie clutched a mug of tea in her hands, listening raptly as Marie read to her.

"This head, the Khan stated, had been taken by his grandfather, Genghis, when he returned from his conquests in the West. Polo wrote that the head was aware of their presence. It even watched them with nearly decomposed eyes. When he reached out to touch it, the head snapped at his fingers. The Khan chastised him for this foolish act, recounting the tale of a low ranking court official who had tried the same thing and had been bitten by the severed head."

Marv's voice crackled over a hidden intercom. "Read that paragraph again. I like it."

Marie nodded, turning the page back. "You want me to hold up the picture?"

"Yes."

Marie and Evie were used to Marv randomly commenting on their activities. He had cameras and coms in every room, save the bathrooms. Marie read the paragraph, turning the book to face the room, though she had no idea where the camera was, before continuing on.

She reached the end of that particular anecdote and Evie sighed, pouting as she snuggled closer to her friend. "I HATE not being able to read anymore… I'm sorry to have to have you read for me."

Marie just smiled. "It's no big deal. I like reading with you. It reminds me of when I was little! Besides, books are funnier with both of us reading them together."

Evie nodded, still annoyed. "I just wish I had had some glasses before the Xenos came… I mean, yeah, I'm not as bad as you and I can shoot just fine, but the little details are lost on me. And there aren't any contacts left."

Marie just patted Evie's head. "No worries. Now, come on. Let's try and get this finished tonight."

Evie nodded and settled back, letting Marie's warm, soothing voice wash over her. "1523 A.D., Oaxaca, Mexico. The natives tell of a sickness that darkens the soul, causing a thirst for the blood of their brothers…"

!_%&(!+#_(&#_^)+(#_%$!#$%^)*+!$(&_#!%(+#&^128671+$_($^&!)%+!^#%^(!#$_

Marie stomped down the stairs into the kitchen, looking distinctly rumpled and sleepy. She plopped down at the table, and let her head thud down. Evie didn't look up from where she was making breakfast. The more awake of the two turned and smiled over her shoulder. "Good morning, duckie. Did you sleep well?"

"Mrrph."

Evie couldn't help but giggle. "Oh, cheer up! I'm making you bacon! Marv gave it to us for my birthday. I think he got our likes mixed up, but oh well. I would have preferred our own chicken, but alas. Maybe for your birthday."

Marie finally sat up, blinking slowly. "Bacon?"

Evie scooped the last of the sizzling meat onto a plate and put it on the table with the rest of their breakfast. "Yes. Bacon. Make sure you have some other food, too. Marv let us have some nice fruit from his green house. Eat some. And I made sure to put everything you like in your omelet. Even the onion. And plenty of cheese."

Marie reached out and grabbed a thick slice of bacon, munching on it happily. Evie sighed and put other food on her plate. After another strip of bacon or two, Marie would be awake. Evie settled down herself and began digging into a bowl of strawberries.

Suddenly, with a small whoosh, two envelopes dropped onto the small side table in the hall. Evie blinked, curious. She looked over at Marie, but her friend was far too engrossed in nomming on another piece of bacon.

Standing, Evie went to the small table and picked up the two small envelopes. One card had her name and the other Marie's, both done in very nicely done calligraphy. On the back it was sealed with wax, stamped with what she assumed was Marv's seal. She went back to the table, still ogling the letters. "How terribly fancy. I didn't get anything this nice even before everything went to pot."

Marie looked up as the envelope landed next to her. Evie already had hers open and was reading the small card out loud.

My Dearest Genevieve,

You are cordially invited to a small Christmas gathering this evening. Food will be provided. Gifts are not necessary. Please arrive promptly at 7pm to the gate of the Keep. This is a formal, black tie affair. A dress has been provided, as well as other accoutrements.

Sincerely,

Sir Marvin Michael Geraldo Reynolds V, PhD.

Evie glanced over at Marie, who had been reading the card silently. Looking at each other, they burst into hysterical laughter. Wiping the tears from their eyes, Marie looked up, talking to the ceiling. "You know, you COULD have just asked us over the com system."

"That would be highly improper and lacking in proper manners. I am a GENTLEMAN."

The girls just shook their heads. Evie set the card down and returned to her breakfast. "We accept your generous invitation, Marvin. We'll be by promptly at seven. Have a good day."

"Thank you. Farewell."

!$^#$^*%^*)^(_+*&(^&&^#$%#^#$*&%&(^&_((_^&)^#%^^%#!#^#^#%&$^*%&(%^(%*

That evening the girls showered and prepared for dinner. They went to their separate rooms to get their dressed. Marie rolled her eyes. "I just bet he found some random dresses he thought would fit."

Evie nodded. "Probably, but smile and nod. He was nice enough to go this extra length for us, so we should be grateful."

Marie pouted, but nodded. Going their separate ways, Evie went to her closet. There, amongst the mostly ragged and worn clothing, was a brand new dress. She took it off the hanger and grabbed the shoes that were resting underneath it.

She held it up against her in the mirror and was, quite frankly, amazed. It was a piece of art and flowed beautifully. The dress had two straps and a graceful cowl neck. The entire thing was patterned, the base a lovely brown, with turquoise and gold designs spiraling all over it. The hem was asymmetrical and trimmed in gold.

Stepping into it, she realized that it fit almost perfectly. She pulled the side zipper up and looked at herself. Even scarred and lacking any form of makeup, she had to admit that she looked FINE. She tugged on the gold heels with a frown of distaste. "Gold is SO not my thing."

She busied herself with putting on the long earrings that had been left and fussing with her hair and makeup, when a shriek of dismay came from across the hall. Starting, Evie hurried as best she could to Marie's room.

She stopped, knocking on the door. "Marie? Honey, you all right?"

The door was pulled open violently. Evie just stared, trying to contain her laughter. Marie's dress was a vibrant red and looked lovely on her. It looked almost like a corset dress, it cinched in just right. The skirt was, to put it mildly, enormously puffy. But, what clearly had stoked Marie's ire, was the enormous puff of tulle on the one shoulder strap.

Marie was glaring viciously. "It looks like I have a SECOND HEAD."

Evie giggled at her enraged friend. "But it's poofy! And so cute!"

Marie's response was to pull a knife out and hack off the offending monstrosity. As it fell to the floor, Marv's voice came alive. "NO! What are you DOING? Do you have any idea how long that tulle took?"

Marie simply ignored him and lifted the skirt, hacking out a few of the layers of tulle underneath. The dress hung much more smoothly after Marie's redesign. Marvin kept wailing. "My masterpiece! What have you DONE?"

Marie stomped over to her dressing mirror, pulling on her own pair of gold shoes. "I don't. Do. PUFFY."

!+#($&&_(#$%^!#%)+!_($+_#(%!+#_%!+%!_%)))*#+$^(#&_$%(!#+_$!%)(#*$^(

The girls walked carefully over the snow covered ground to the doors of the third wall surrounding the Keep where Marvin stayed. They rang in and the doors opened wide. Scurrying forward, they sighed in relief as Marvin opened the door and welcomed them into his secret lair.

The girls shed their ugly, but warm, jackets and Marvin took them graciously, but with a disgusted look on his face. He clearly did not approve of their outerwear. He hung them up carefully and the girls took a look at one of the only people they cared about.

Marvin looked a tad bit ridiculous in his black tux and red cummerbund. He was of average build, close to the height of the girls, but gaining a bit of fat around the middle. He was balding and what orange-red hair was left was shot through with gray.

He gave a formal bow to the both of them, before offering each of them an arm. "Ladies. May I escort you to the dining hall?"

Evie giggled and Marie made a face, but they each took the arm offered and they were led away, up the stairs. The girls oohed and aahed as they passed elegant rooms. A fully furnished library, a den, a piano room, every glimpse a flash into a decadent past.

Finally, they reached a set of double doors that were open wide and the girls couldn't contain their gasps of delight as they took in the grand room. A large, circular, dark mahogany table stood at the center of the room, a stunning chandelier of Victorian era loveliness hanging above it. A thick Persian rug lay over the hardwood flooring, and a fire roared in a grand fire place.

He led them to their seats, carefully seating them, before offering to get them drinks. They both just asked for water, but Marvin poured them some wine, just in case. He sat down between them and pulled a controller from his jacket. His hands danced across it and suddenly a robot came bustling through another open door, carrying a platter.

The bot set the plate down in front of Marvin before retreating to whence it came. Marv lifted the lid of the platter and delicate appetizers littered the fine silver. Evie and Marie both stared, drooling. They hadn't seen such fine food for years. Marv made a gentle shooing gesture. "Well, go on. I didn't make this all for me."

The girls didn't need a second hint. They went through the appetizers and the soup and the salad dishes that Marv had the robot bring in. Using the mechanical butler took more time, but it added a certain flair to the proceedings and neither of the women minded in the slightest.

Finally, the main course came. The robot set down the tray and the humans all set their dirty dishes in its arms. Marvin dismissed it with some quick control handling and then whipped the lid off of the tray. There, sizzling before them, was an entire roasted turkey. Evie gasped. "Marvin! How did you get a turkey?"

Marv looked incredibly smug as he began carving the meat. "I have my ways, my dear."

Evie quirked her head at him as he called the robot again to bring some side dishes. "Marv. I've been meaning to ask you. How did you know our dress sizes? I thought you were a gentleman?"

Marv sniffed as he scooped a dollop of mashed potatoes onto her plate. "I must take care of the women I've taken in and to do so required certain personal information. I did nothing untoward, I assure you. I think of you both as honored guests in my home."

Evie smiled at the strange man that had saved her and Marie those few years back. He was an odd duck indeed, but a good one. She dug in and was amused to find Marie already going for seconds. Marvin scowled at her. "Marie. A lady should eat more daintily. I think you've had plenty of rolls, too. I want the last one."

Marie gave him a look that spoke volumes of contempt for what she thought about how a lady should eat. Before he could do anything, she snatched up the roll, licked it, then plopped it onto his plate. She smiled sweetly as he stared in horror. "There! It's all yours."

Marvin paled, looking distinctly faint. Evie frowned, reaching over to remove the now "contaminated" plate from in front of their sickly host. "Marie! That was a terrible thing to do! Marv was nice enough to invite us in for Christmas and all you're being is a brat! Apologize at once!"

Marie slumped down, lower lip trembling, looking like she was going to cry. She looked at the recovering germophobe and mumbled an apology, slipping into sulky silence. Evie stood, going for a new plate, careful not to touch it with her bare hands.

She set it in front of Marv and gently placed more food on it. "Here, Marv. I'm sorry about that. Ever since our incident with getting split up, she's been acting just like a child. I wish I could say she'll get over it, but I'm not sure she will."

Marvin nodded, recovering himself. "Quite all right. I know of Marie's… Delicate state. All is well. Don't worry about it Marie. Thank you for trying to defend my sensibilities, Genevieve."

Evie gave a gracious nod before settling back down. Dinner progressed and they were eventually able to pull Marie out of her funk by offering her dessert. In came three lovely fruit tarts that were quickly devoured.

Marie accidentally dropped a grape on the floor and she reached over to scoop it back up. Popping the fruit in her mouth, she came face to face with not one, but TWO horrified stares. Swallowing, she looked about nervously. "What? What did I do?"

Shuddering, Evie responded. "You ATE it off the FLOOR!"

"There's the 5 second rule! It was safe! Besides, this floor is very clean!"

Evie flailed and Marvin looked faint again. "That's not the point!"

Marie had had enough and began snuffling softly, patting at her eyes with her napkin. Evie calmed down and felt guilty for snapping. Even before everything bad Marie had had a tendency to pick up dropped food. Marie wasn't NEARLY as picky or as germaphobic as she was. "Marie… I'm sorry. You're right, the floor is perfectly clean. It's all right. Don't cry. It's Christmas! If you cry, you don't get presents!"

Marie stopped most of her sniffling, looking up, pathetically hopeful. "Presents?"

Marvin had been fanning himself, head between his knees, but he had recovered enough to sit back up and nod. "Yes, presents. I, myself, have some for you two. In thanks for your fine service to me and for your… Companionship."

Evie gaped. "Marv! You didn't have to do that! We have nothing ready for you!"

Marv waved her protests off. "You two do plenty. Take the gifts."

Marie was bouncing up and down in her seat, giggling happily. "Presents! Presents! Presents!"

Marvin stood and walked over to a side table, plucking some finely wrapped boxes from a drawer. Coming over, he presented two boxes to Marie and two to Evie. He waved to Evie first. "Please, dear Genevieve. Open yours first. It took me some time to manufacture your first gift."

Evie looked at him quizzically, then began tearing the wrapping paper as Marie pouted. Opening the small box, she pulled out what appeared to be a very ugly pair of glasses. The wire frames seemed very fragile and the glass lenses were not the same size. She held them up, confused. "Um… Thank you?"

"They're new reading glasses for you. I know you've missed doing your own reading. As much as we both enjoy hearing Marie read, I thought this would make a fine gift. I think I guessed the prescription right. I can, of course, adjust them as need be."

"They're very… functional looking. How did you get a pair of reading glasses?"

"I made them."

"You MADE them?"

"Yes. It's one of my recent hobbies."

Evie just blinked. "Well. All right then. You are a man of many talents, I see."

Marvin nodded. "Now, the other one, if you please. Marie is getting antsy."

Evie returned her attention to the last present and opened it up quickly. Resting on a bed of red satin lay a small, diamond shaped silver pendant. Lifting it up, she realized that what was etched on it were the access codes to all of the doors to complex, minus Marvin's Keep.

Eyes watering, she held it close. "Thank you, Marv. This is wonderful."

He nodded again, a slight smile showing up on his lips. "Let's move on to Marie, shall we?"

Marie had been eagerly awaiting her turn and she tore rabidly at her first present. Opening her box, she was filled with glee at what lay within. Lifting the item out of the box, Marie held up a bayonet. Marv smiled again at her glee. "It's folded steal. Should hold up well, provided no acid gets on it."

"Thank you, Marv! This is great! I've always wanted one!"

Marie easily took down the next present and found her own set of access codes etched into a large triangular pendant. Unable to express her glee in words, she stood and threw her arms about the aloof man, startling him. He gently patted her shoulder, then pushed her away carefully. "I'm glad you're so enthused."

Marie and Evie sat back, admiring the fine and useful gifts Marvin had bestowed upon them. Marie suddenly frowned. "It doesn't feel right. Marvin should get a present. He gave us a nice place to stay, food, clothing, pretty things, useful stuff, now awesome stuff!"

"I have everything I need. Your companionship is all the gift I need."

Marie looked unconvinced, as did Evie. Then, Marie perked up. "Hey! Evie! Come with me to the bathroom quick."

The girls stood and demanded directions to the nearest rest room. Marv gave them directions and they vanished, Evie looking confused and Marie giggling. He sat back and continued enjoying his after dinner scotch.

The girls returned some time later, after he'd poured himself a second shot. He watched them come in the doors and was very glad that the dresses he'd made suited them so well. The two stood, looked at each other, then looked at him. Marie took the lead. "Marvin! Since you have everything you could want and all that jazz, we've got the perfect present for you!"

"How so?"

The women smiled sweetly and said in tandem. "We're going to sing for you!"

Marv's eyebrows went up, then he relaxed. Waving a hand, he smiled. "Well, go on then. This should be interesting."

Marie hummed a note and Evie matched it. Stopping, they took deep breaths, then began to sing.

Marvin hadn't expected much from the women in his keeping. He hadn't actually thought they'd be good singers. Decent enough, perhaps, but nothing fabulous. But, the thought was what counted. Now, hearing their voices twining together, he felt tears come to his eyes. Hearing them sing was, truly, a gift. Good thing he was recording all of it.

And the rich, sweet voices carried on into the wintery, cold night.

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas. Let your heart be light! From now on our troubles will be out of sight…"

!_$^*_%^+#^%_!#$^*!#_%#%_+!#^_(%$^*%_&+_&^+&#$&(#_$*&%_^)#+$^)#_(+^#+^

The spring would come soon. Another winter was slipping to a close. Marie felt a bit sad about this. Winters were her favorite time now. She got to kill the Spiders from the fortress walls, take care of Goners, read, had plenty to eat, lots of hot showers, all sorts of wonderful things. It could almost be called home.

The girl frowned, firing a shot at a lone spider. "No place can be home anymore. My only home is gone."

Suddenly depressed, Marie left the outer wall, returning to her room. Flopping on the bed, she sighed, letting her eyes fall shut. Memories would come back to haunt her, images from years ago. Her father reading to her and her siblings before bed. Shopping with her mother. Playing games with her brother and sister. Sweet kisses and long talks with the man she had loved.

It all hurt too much. As much as she loved winter, she hated it at the same time. On the road she had no time to remember such things. It was remembering that killed her, chipped away at her sanity, to leave her a shell. She knew something was wrong with her, but couldn't stop it anymore. Sometimes she wondered if Evie remembered things. It was unlikely. Evie had always pushed things aside. It wouldn't be different now.

Sitting up, she heard squawking and shrieks from outside. Going to her window, she threw it wide, letting the memories vanish once more into her shattered psyche. Smiling, she watched Evie battling the chicken that Marie had gotten for her birthday as a gift from Marv.

Evie was screeching and flailing wildly, attempting to flee from it. " AWAY, DEVIL BIRD! AWAAAAY!"

Marie leaned further out. "Evie! His name is BINFORD. Not Devil Bird. I've told you that before!"

Evie said nothing and simply sprinted into their house, slamming the door shut in the face of the demonic chicken. Marie padded downstairs and Evie was slumped in a chair panting. Evie glared at her friend viciously. "I. HATE. CHICKENS."

Marie nodded. "Yes, so you've said. But, we get eggs! You like eggs! And baking! And stuff! Besides, she's not THAT bad."

Evie sniffed disdainfully. "Try saying that when she's trying to peck YOUR face off, THEN talk to me."

Quirking her head, Marie smiled. "What? Binford would NEVER do that! She's such a nice chicken!"

Evie said nothing and stood, going to the kitchen and depositing the eggs in a cooler. Turning about, she caught a glimpse of Marie heading outside. Evie shrieked and slammed the door shut before the chicken could make a run for the house.

Outside, Marie jumped as the door slammed and looked curiously behind her. Evie was crouching by a window, glaring out and watching the chicken. Trying not to giggle, Marie went over and sat down on the ground.

Binford strolled up and hopped into Marie's lap, clucking softly. Marie began petting the little creature and Evie watched, dumb founded.

Deciding to risk the outside, Evie opened the door and stepped outside. She inched close to Marie and chicken seemed to be ignoring her. Suddenly, when she was inches away, Binford hopped up, cawing loudly, and began charging Evie.

Evie screamed and ran for the house once more, Binford following close behind. Marie stood, confused. "Binford! Bad chicken! Evie is not a worm! Bad, BAD chicken! No biscuit for you!"

!_%&(!+#$^%)!+_#$(%^!#%+*)#%&+!#(%!#%!+#%$!($^%!+#%(&!%!+#(%*!_#(^%+

The sun was finally setting in the hot, arid desert. Dho'mago'te shouldered his hammer, surveying the mountainous landscape. Tvrtko strode up behind him and they watched the sun dip below the horizon. Turning, they both left for their ship, to shelter against the cold nights.

Sighing, Dho'mago'te fell into his bunk, staring at the ceiling. Tvrtko busied himself with removing his mask, preparing to eat. Looking at his companion, Tvrtko frowned. "Dho'mago'te. What is wrong with you?"

"I simply wish to return to my studies. That's all. Think of how much information I have missed!"

Tvrtko snorted, returning to his meal. "Studies. Of COURSE. You just want to go play with the females again."

Dho'mago'te sat up, distinctly annoyed. "I have been studying, so that I may communicate with them better! See here? This is _Ooman_ writing. I have discovered that the area we are in is called A're'zoonah! I'm certain Dai'za'te will know of this place and can tell me much!"

Tvrtko quirked his head. "And WHY should Dai'za'te know of this place?"

Dho'mago'te held up the paper he had found. It was brightly colored and scrawled in funny marks. "These on the front? It says something like this is the greatest place to be in this land! She MUST know of it if it is the best!"

Tvrtko simply rolled his eyes, choosing to ignore his friend. "Just eat your dinner."

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Early the next morning, just before sunrise, the two Yautja observed a strange sight. Several hundred _Kainde Amedha_ were heading up into the cold zone, most likely on orders from their queen.

They watched on, then Dho'mago'te spoke first. "Tvrtko… Perhaps we should return to the cold zone."

"Why would you say that? We are in our hunting lands now and we should stay here."

Dho'mago'te waved his hand. "Do you not see our prey leaving these hunting lands? We MUST follow them. They are OURS to hunt!"

Tvrtko frowned behind his mask. "They are leaving this territory and are therefore someone else's to hunt. We have much glory to our names, we need not go and seek more and risk angering our leaders."

Dho'mago'te chittered angrily. "Fine. You stay here then. I will return to the cold zone and gain far more kills than you could ever dream of!"

Tvrtko shook his head, exasperated. "We both know the truth! You just wish to go and follow those females around more! That is NOT an acceptable reason for disobeying orders!"

But Dho'mago'te ignored his partner, heading for the ship. Turning at the door, Dho'mago'te looked back. "You should come. I'm sure Faru'qi has missed you. And don't you have more trophies to present her?"

Tvrtko scowled, touching a small pouch on his hip, where he stored many small skulls from creatures he'd hunted in the desert. He went forward reluctantly.

Settling into his seat, Tvrtko began working the controls. He was irate and shot a glare at Dho'mago'te. "For the record, these are NOT for Faru'qi. They are MY trophies. I'm just allowing her to borrow them, since she has so few."

Dho'mago'te nodded, hiding a smile. "Of course. How noble of you."

!)(#%&!+#%(!&+%!(%*!+#%&!+#B%(&!(^!+%(!&%+!%(+!_%+!#$^*!+#_%(+!+#(

A'no'kur watched the ship of the strange ones rise and cloak, but he could still see its faint outline. The ship shot off in the direction of the cold zone and he smiled. Leaving their hunting grounds could get the other two in very serious trouble. So'zilr would be pleased with this turn of events.


	10. Progress Depends upon the Unreasonable

Author's Note: Sorry for the delays, but Life… Isn't always agreeable. We're trying to get caught up before we start college and are able to post only once or twice a month. Thank you for sticking with us. We heart you all!

Disclaimer: We didn't do it, we swear! Wait… maybe we did. Nope! Never mind. Carry on.

!_&#+(%&!+%^!&#%(!#%&!+#(%&!+(#$!%+*(+#(%!$!+(%!+#(&!+#%(&!+%(!+#

Chapter 9: Progress Depends upon the Unreasonable

Evie and Marie leaned against the outer wall, watching the curious spectacle before them. The Xenomorphs kept going to one spot near the wall, getting slaughtered by the dozens by the automated weapon system. Marie frowned, then looked over at Evie. "You know, I didn't think they were THIS stupid. Don't they usually get smarter?"

Evie nodded, concerned. "I don't like this. I'm sure Marv is watching the situation, but I want to check in with him, just in case. Nothing good comes from suicidal psychopaths."

Marie just nodded and they continued watching the acidic blood pour. Suddenly, a shrieking, high pitched wailing started up from behind them. The noise was loud enough that even the Xenos stopped their fruitless struggles for a moment.

Turning about, Evie and Marie blinked rapidly at Marv's Keep. The roof was spinning and emitting flashing bursts of red light, the speakers still blaring the irritating noise.

Marie quirked her head to one side. "I wonder if he's just testing it?"

Marv's voice came over the speakers. "THIS IS NOT A TEST! I REPEAT, NOT A TEST! GENEVIEVE! MARIE! GET UP HERE!"

Evie glanced at Marie. "I guess it wasn't a test. Come on!"

The two set off, sprinting towards the formerly most secure location in the fortress. In a matter of minutes, they stood in front of what was once a very nice door to the Keep. It was now just a very large hole in the wall, with the sides of the blasted outline melted smooth.

Marie brightened as Evie sighed. They both spoke at the same time, but in very different tones. "They're back."

!+_(#%&!+#(%&#%&!+#%(!+#(%!+#%&!#+_%*&!#+(*!+_(#*!+_#%$+!#(%&!+#_(%!#%*!

Evie and Marie made it to the top floor, somewhere they had never been before. In front of them was a very sturdy looking door. There, ready to blast yet another hole in the Keep, were Martello and Ninja.

Marie charged forward and jumped, latching onto Martello's arm. "NOO! BAD SQUIRE! NO BISCUIT FOR YOOUUU! Don't hurt the Marv! He is good!"

Martello looked down, then raised his arm so Marie was even with his face. They commenced in a staring contest. Suddenly, Martello chittered happily and proceeded to perch Marie on his shoulder. Ninja turned about and eyed the two, before nodding towards Evie. He lowered his gun.

Evie went forward and hit the intercom button. "Marv? It's Evie. Everything's all right now. You can come out."

Marv quickly responded back. "They're not dead yet! They're trying to kill me!"

Evie quickly tried soothing him. "No, no, no! They were just confused. They were probably just looking for us and got impatient, that's all. We've taken care of it."

"Are you SURE they're not just using you as hostages to bring me out?"

Evie looked back over her shoulder, watching Marie attempting to braid Martello's strange hair. Turning back, she spoke into the intercom dryly. "Yeah, I'm pretty certain they're not holding us hostage. It's not normal for hostages to be playing with their kidnappers' hair, yeah?"

"What about Stockholm Syndrome?"

"Wouldn't have had time to develop in five minutes."

"…True. Very well, I shall come out. But only if they stay 3 yards away at all times!"

Evie smiled. "I'll keep them in check."

Evie stepped back, gently shooing the giant aliens away from the door. The door cracked open and she spotted a small shock of red hair as Marv peered about the door, before stepping out into the hallway.

He eyed the aliens warily, glancing up at where Marie was still sitting, flailing at Martello's hair, then looking over at Evie, standing near Ninja. He sighed. "What the hell are these things and why am I not surprised that you're friends with them?"

Evie frowned, crossing her arms. "They are NOT friends. They are temporary allies."

Suddenly, Marie and Martello shouted, in Marie's voice. "Friends!"

Evie winced, turning back to Marv with a pathetically sad face. "You believe me, don't you?"

Marv simply raised an eyebrow.

Evie sighed. "It's a long story."

Marv nodded. "It usually is with you two. Shall we retire to the dining room? I think I could use some food."

Evie nodded. "Stress eating. Used to be bad, but right now it is desperately needed."

Marv glared hard at the aliens, then back to Evie. "My rule stands. I'll follow behind you. You keep them 3 yards from me."

Evie smiled. "Of course."

Evie started off and Ninja immediately followed, Martello and Marie following close behind. When Marv decided the aliens were far enough away, he strode after them, muttering to himself about how he needed to get better walls.

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The next morning, after all had been explained, Marie and Evie were preparing the new and improved Goners for the beginning of their travels. Marv was once more ensconced in his Keep and kept offering advice from over the intercom.

Every time Marv spoke, Ninja and Martello peered about, trying to locate the source of the voice. Occasionally Evie and Marie caught him giggling as he led the aliens from one speaker to another. Evie smiled and Marie laughed, continuing to finish preparations.

Finally, everything was loaded, all tests had been run, and Kitty-chan was in her appointed seat. Evie and Marie were checking a few things when Martello sidled up to the van. One of the doors was open and he peered inside, curious.

Deciding he needed to look further, the red behemoth slipped into the vehicle, setting it tipping one way. He settled down in one of the seats, marveling at how tiny it was. Marie came striding over, noticing the strange angle of the van, then screamed. "KITTY-CHAAAAN!"

She charged over, shoving at Martello. He blinked down at her, then slowly worked his way from the small space. Marie sobbed at the sight of a very squished Kitty-chan, still buckled in. Unbuckling the small stuffed animal, Marie cuddled it close, sobbing. "I'm SORRY Kitty-chan! Oh, my poor little buddy! Why, why cruel world?"

Turning her head, Marie glared at the innocent looking Martello standing nearby. Marie puffed herself up and barreled towards him. When she was standing toe to toe with the alien, she inhaled deeply and let loose a verbal barrage upon the confused warrior. "Thou venomed toad-spotted flax-wench! Thou fobbing pottle-deep horn-beast! No knighthood for YOU! EVER!"

Evie had strolled up while Marie had been spouting off Shakespearean insults. Smiling, she quirked an eyebrow. "Lover's spat?"

Marie whipped about and flung Kitty-chan at Evie and the flying stuffy bapped Evie in the face. Marie squealed, then scooped the fallen cat from the ground, snuggling it. "I'm SORRY Kitty-chan! I didn't MEAN to! It's all Evie's fault! She never liked you, anyway!"

Evie glared at Martello. "NOW look what you've done! You've gotten me in trouble! What have you got to say for yourself?"

Martello quirked his head, then touched his wrist pad. "No biscuit for you!"

Evie gaped and Marie howled further. "DON'T STEAL MY LINE!"

Evie shook her fist. "You can't deny me my biscuits! I am the maker of my own fate! Er, biscuits!"

Marv's voice cut through the din. "NO! DON'T!"

All three of the others turned in time to watch Ninja jump up and tear a speaker from inside the wall. Marv screeched from the other speakers while Ninja held the speaker up above his head, roaring his victory.

Ninja proceeded to attach the speaker to his belt and saunter over to the rest of the group, looking terribly smug. Evie and Marie began scolding Ninja while Marv wailed on in the background about the further damage to his fortress.

Martello looked about at the scene of chaos and raised his wrist, punching a few buttons. Silence ruled as he put in his two cents worth. Turning to Ninja, he pointed a finger while the recording played. "No knighthood for YOU! EVER!"

!%&(!+#(%&!+#%(!#+%(!&+#%&!#!+#&+!#(%&!#)(%&+#(%&+#(!+#%!+#%(*!+%&+(%&+!#(%

They were camping out for the first time in several months. It had taken Evie a bit to light the fire. Marie used to do it, but Evie didn't trust the nut job with fire anymore. Not after LAST time. Evie was STILL pulling splinters out of her face.

Marie sat by, humming and talking to Kitty-chan. Evie ignored her for the moment. So far, Marie was harmless. Evie wanted it kept that way.

Finally, dinner was ready. Marie scooched forward and immediately began munching on the food presented to her. Evie was just about to settle down when a shrieking squawk came from behind her. Evie screamed and flew up, defending herself once again from Binford, the demonic chicken.

Marie ran after Binford, who was chasing Evie. "Bad Binford! Bad! My grandfather's namesake shouldn't act in such a disrespectful manner!"

Binford stopped and looked at Marie, then strutted over and cooed at her. Marie smiled and picked her up. "Good Binford! Let's put you back in your carrying case, shall we? Evie looks to be in a bad mood, and you know how she feels about you. Bed time!"

Marie went over to the van and opened the back doors, gently putting Binford away in a small cage filled with straw. The chicken obediently sat down and tucked its head under its wing. Marie nodded and shut the doors, setting herself back down by the fire.

Evie glared at her and Marie pouted. "Don't look at me in that tone of voice! I LOVE Binford! He just senses your HATRED of him! He doesn't react well to your negative chi!"

Evie just continued scowling and refused to speak to Marie. Marie sulked and poked at her food, before retreating to her nest of blankets to glare at the surrounding area. Evie continued ignoring her and puttered about the campsite.

Eventually, Marie got bored of sulking and shuffled out, lurking about the edges of the campsite. She pulled some string from her pocket and began fiddling with it, wandering about. Suddenly, she got a brilliant idea. Crouching down, she tied the string between two trees. Stepping back, she nodded and smiled, then returned to sit by the fire.

Marie carefully slid closer to Evie, inch by inch, until they were sitting side by side. Marie fiddled with her shirt, then looked over. "I'm sorry about Binford. She really is a good chicken."

Evie just sighed. Before she could say anything, her eyes sharpened and she squinted hard at a nearby tree. "Marie. Do you see something in that tree right over there?"

Marie whipped her head about, a psychotic gleam in her eye. "Is it a SQUIRREL!"

Evie groaned. "AGAIN with the squirrels. Can't you let it be? That happened ages ago. Besides, we were attacked by a CHIPMUNK, not a SQUIRREL."

Before the odd conversation could continue, there was a resounding thud from behind them. They both turned around at the strange, body shaped indent in the melting snow. The slush began to fly and foot prints appeared, before they vanished back into the woods. Marie giggled, clapping happily. Evie quirked an eyebrow up. "Why are you laughing?"

"My tripwire! It worked!"

"WHY did you set up a tripwire?"

"Because! I could! And I couldn't make a punji stake trap quite yet. The ground is too hard!"

Evie sighed. Then, she crossed her arms. "Marie. Dear. I think we need to 'accidentally lose' our guests."

"Why? They are our buddies!"

"No, they aren't. Besides, if you do this, you can set fireworks off!"

Marie perked up. "REALLY?"

Evie nodded. "Indeed. So, shall we?"

Marie stood and pointed in a random direction, striking a pose. "Let us go forth and blow shit up! WHOO!"

"Um, let's do it tomorrow. The tripwire is enough for tonight. We've got them edgy."

Marie slumped. "No boom?"

Evie smiled, patting Marie's shoulder. " Not yet. Not yet."

Marie frowned, then shuffled to her pile of blankets. Curling up, she yawned, then began singing to herself. "Blaack soocks, they never get dirty. The longer you wear them the stronger they get…."

Evie watched Marie doze off, leaving the song incomplete. When she was certain she was alone, Evie sang out into the night. "Soometimes I think I should wash them, but something inside me says don't wash them yet. Not yet. Not yet."

Sighing, Evie went to her own blanket nest, pulling one out from it, settling in for her watch. "Damn it. That stupid song."

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Dho'mago'te wandered into the camp of the female's early in the morning. Dai'za'te was watching off in a different direction, looking slightly dazed. He slipped in easily and headed towards the transporter.

He was curious about the other strange white creature that had suddenly appeared. Dai'za'te seemed to love it, while Faru'qi seemed to fear it. It bore investigating. Opening the doors, he saw the creature. It seemed to be asleep.

Carefully, he opened the simple contraption keeping the cage closed and reached a hand in, poking it in the side. That was when all Hades broke loose. The white thing cried out in a manner similar to a _Kainde Amedha_, before it flew at him.

He stumbled backwards, wishing Tvrtko had come with him. The silly warrior still had a bit of a bruised ego from tripping over the pathetically primitive and simple trap, and refused to come near. The white thing left him be and charged for Faru'qi, while Dai'za'te made one of her usual high pitched noises of greeting, charging over to him.

He looked down at her as she gesticulated at him, yattering on. He had not yet mastered enough _Ooman_ to be able to communicate well, but he thought she was asking him to engage in another hunt against the small, evil ones.

Nodding, he picked her up, letting her scramble into place upon his shoulders. It was times like these he was glad he hadn't bothered with his burner.

The two were so preoccupied with each other, that neither noticed an epic battle taking place nearby.

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Evie was not having a good morning. She was running through the woods, having been woken up with a chicken mauling her face. "GOD DAMN YOU, BINFOOOORD!"

She slowed, having lost the demonic fowl for a moment. Looking at her surroundings, she smiled evilly.

She waited, letting Binford find her. The chicken squawked and charged her, getting enough momentum going that it actually flew up into the air. This was Binford's downfall.

Evie let him attack, then grabbed him and held the struggling beast away from her. Grinning, she walked to the cliff nearby. "So. Don't like my negative chi, eh?"

She dropped Binford, swung her foot back, and punted him right off the cliff. As the bird fell, she leaned over to watch her descent. "Sense my chi now, BITCH?"

Smiling, Evie turned and set back towards camp. Stopping, she quirked her head. "I feel like Link right now. Yay!"

And off she went, humming the Ocarina of Time theme song.

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Evie strolled into camp and was amused to see Marie riding about on Martello's shoulders once again. But, she was also annoyed. This would not do. Marie noticed her standing there and waved. "HI EVIIIEE!"

Evie waved and walked closer. "Hey, Marie?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry to have to tell you, but Link just showed up. He didn't take well to Binford, either. He must also have bad chi. Alas, poor Binford is with us no longer."

Marie slumped, horrified. "B-but, Link is the Hero of Time! Why would he hurt poor Binford?"

Evie shrugged. "You know he's never liked chickens, dear."

Marie continued slumping and Martello plucked her up, setting her on the ground. Quirking his head, he produced a dead squirrel from his belt, holding it out to Marie. She immediately perked up. "Martello! You've done it!"

Martello nodded, then proceeded to rip the squirrel's spine and skull from its body.

!&(%!+(%^+!$(^&!#$+(*!#$*%!(#%&!+(#*%$!)(#*%&^#%*!_#)(%*!#($!+_#%*#!)*%+!_

Evie was plotting carefully. She HAD to get rid of the aliens following them. As much as she loved Marie, she didn't love her comrade's new 'friends'. They could prove to be all kinds of dangerous and she had to keep Marie safe.

They had parked and Evie made sure to look around very carefully for any sign of the aliens. There was nothing so far. She set up camp, then doused the fire before it could grow too large. Marie looked up at her, confused. "Aren't we going to have dinner?"

Evie shook her head. "No, we need to trick your friends. It's, ah, April Fool's Day! That's why we had to wait for today. See?"

Marie nodded, standing. "Of course! Now it all makes sense. So, what are we going to do?"

Evie smiled. "Don't worry. All you need to do is keep your lighter close at hand."

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Dho'mago'te and Tvrtko looked up, startled by the blaze of light and sound that suddenly filled the night sky. It was coming from the direction that Dai'za'te and Faru'qi had gone in.

Tvrtko huffed. "NOW what have those idiot _Oomans_ done? They'll attract _Kainde Amedha_ for miles around with that!"

Dho'mago'te wasn't listening. He had charged forward, straight for the lights. "We must hurry! What if they are trapped and die? I must have my observations! FOR SCIENCE!"

Tvrtko ran after, easily catching up with the brawnier warrior. "I thought we agreed you weren't going to say that anymore."

Dho'mago'te huffed. "It's my battle cry! All good warriors have them! It's the battle cry that my whole bloodline uses!"

"Your entire bloodline is strange."

Dho'mago'te shrugged. "This is true. We are a bit… Odd."

Screams came through the night and Tvrtko clicked his blades into place, Dho'mago'te pulling out his hammer. Dho'mago'te sighed.

Tvrtko looked over. "What?"

"Now we're NEVER going to catch up! Think of all the observations I'm going to miss because of the _Kainde Amedha_!"

Tvrtko sighted. "We DO have a tracker on their vehicle. We'll catch up by tomorrow sundown at latest."

This made Dho'mago'te brighten. "True! Right then. Let's get this fighting business out of the way so I may return to my studies. FOR SCIIIEENCE!"

Tvrtko glared. "I'm going to hurt you."

$*(!_*#^%!#%!+%^!&+^!(%^+(#%!+(#&%^!#(+!#%&(+!#^$#*^%(#*&+_$!+#$&#$!+

After a few weeks of travel, they were finally nearing their destination. Evie pondered the strange turn that events had made in her usually peaceful life. Well, as peaceful as life after an apocalypse could be.

She busily shot at the Xenos charging them. This was the first time she and Marie had really had to fight since their journey began. Evie turned to look at Marie, who had just shot down another Xeno. "Hey, Marie?"

Marie grunted in response.

"Have you noticed anything strange? Like, we've been on the road for, oh, about a month and this is the first time we've had to fight any Xenomorphs?"

Marie stopped, looking over. "You know, I have been able to actually sleep through most nights. That didn't happen before. They'd always wake me up. It's been very refreshing! Daddy always said I was more pleasant with a good night's sleep."

Evie was about to respond when she caught movement out of the corner of her eye. Turning too late, Evie tried not to scream. She wouldn't give the damn beasts the satisfaction.

But, just as she steeled herself for death, another black blur flung the Xeno away. Standing before her was Ninja. Evie instantly relaxed. She still didn't quite trust these new aliens, but they'd been all right this summer. So far. But something wasn't right and she didn't know what, so her guard stayed up.

Ninja turned and stared at her, then began fussing with her feet. Evie scowled. "Ninja. Now is NOT the time for karate lessons! Besides, I'm shooting!"

He looked up and chittered something. She thought it meant something about a warrior's way, but she wasn't very good with their language yet. But, all in due time. There were few languages she couldn't pick up.

Once Dho'mago'te had entered the scene, the fight ended quickly. With Ninja only managing to get a few more kills. At one point, the black warrior had aimed his laser cannon at an oncoming Xeno, and missed by several feet. The tree he DID manage to hit almost landed on Marie, who yelped and flung herself out of the way, cursing about squirrels again.

Finally, it was done. Piles of bodies lay about, but Dho'mago'te ignored them in favor of checking up on Marie. The girl was busy kicking the fallen tree, swearing at it and its furry guardians.

Evie slung her rifle over her shoulder and continued her train of thought. This wasn't right. So, maybe these things HAD killed Small Time on accident, if Ninja's aim was anything to go by. Marie HAD suggested it as a possibility months ago. But Marie was, well… Insane. She wasn't the most reliable source of intel.

Evie watched Ninja tearing at the bodies. These guys clearly had no problem killing things, including humans. Why were these aliens helping them? And why had they shown up now? After everything had gone down? It was too convenient. It didn't add up. Things that were too convenient, too coincidental, couldn't be good.

Sighing, she decided to leave the topic be for the moment. The two were good to have around, if only for keeping the Xenos at bay. And, as much as she hated to admit it, Martello seemed to be having a good effect on Marie. Sure, Marie was still acting like a child and crazy, but she was different around Martello.

Evie smiled as she watched Marie play with Martello. "You almost seem normal at times like this. Like when you used to be in one of your silly moods. Oh, Marie. You'll have to face it all over again, and soon. We're almost home."

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That night, the only noises in the camp were the crackling of the fire and the quiet whisper of the wind. Marie was totally zoned out and Evie couldn't blame her. Marie hadn't handled the apocalypse, and all that came with it, very well. She still couldn't.

Sighing, Evie turned her gaze from her distracted friend and onto the aliens that Marie had become fond of. Evie admitted, if only to herself, that they weren't the worst company she'd ever kept. At least THESE monsters had some honor. Human monsters didn't.

She watched Ninja sharpening his weapons and Martello studying his small wrist screen. All she seemed to do in the evenings now was watch them. She HAD to figure out what was wrong. Why her instincts were screaming at her.

Ninja looked up and caught her gaze. They battled in a contest of wills for a little while, then Ninja nodded to himself before returning to his maintenance work. Evie decided it was time to make the first move. She was getting nowhere like this.

"Martello. Why are you and Ninja here?"

Martello looked up, quirking his head. He gestured at her, and she guessed he wanted her to repeat what she said. She decided that hand gestures would help get her question across better. "Why are YOU and HIM here?"

She gestured at Martello and Ninja, then to the earth beneath them. Martello nodded and chittered something at her. Then, he fiddled with his wrist and a voice, not hers or Marie's, came from it. "Let's go kill those bastards!"

Martello then held up a tooth that was clearly from one of the Xenomorphs. Evie nodded. "So, you two came here to kill the Xenos. Why?"

Martello quirked his head again and Evie sighed. "YOU. HIM. Kill THESE. Why?"

She pointed once more at Martello and Ninja, then pointed at the tooth, and made a gesture that she hoped got across the 'why' part of her statement. He seemed to understand this time and he went at his wrist again.

"I hope they're not all dead."

Evie blinked, confused. "Hope who isn't dead? Some of your friends? I don't get it."

Martello paused to think, then replayed the clip and pointed at Marie and Evie. Evie still wasn't sure what he meant, but that's when Marie decided to step in. "He means that he hoped humans weren't dead. Us! Humans."

Martello nodded enthusiastically while Evie frowned. "Why would you care if we died? You didn't care about killing Small Time."

Martello laughed and Ninja looked up, frowning. Martello played another recording. "Not ME, you idiot!"

Marie giggled. "See? I TOLD you it was an accident. We BOTH saw how bad Ninja's aim is."

Martello nodded again, but Evie was not reassured. "That still doesn't answer my question. Why would you care if we died?"

Martello paused again, and turned to Ninja. The black warrior looked up, shrugged, and turned back to his weapons. Martello seemed conflicted, then played a recording. "To hunt a man is the greatest sport."

Evie blinked, confused. Then, the realization of what Martello had said dawned on her. Her face became a mask of horror. "You guys HUNT us? What the hell? We're not, not, RABBITS. Or DEER! You freaks! Come on Marie, we need to get away from them. NOW."

Evie had surged to her feet and strode towards Marie, pulling on the still sitting girl. Marie looked up, saddened. "But, but Evie! They haven't hurt US yet!"

"The key word to that statement is YET!"

Martello stood as well and wrapped his large arms around Evie, playing his trademark recording. "FRIENDS!"

Marie hopped up and latched onto both Evie and Martello. "GROUP HUG!"

Evie gasped. "Can't. BREATHE!"

Marie and Martello looked at each other, then over at Ninja, who was still cleaning his weapons, desperately trying to ignore those around him.

Martello then tipped over and landed on Ninja, knocking the weapons away, with Evie and Marie sprawled on top. Marie clapped her hands. "For once, I am not the bottom of the dog pile! WIN!"

Evie sighed. She resigned herself to the fact that she and Marie were stuck with these very deadly creatures, who may or may not turn on them and kill them in the near future. But, for the moment, she had bigger things to worry about. Like getting her arm out from under Martello.

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End Author's Note: … … … … … … (DOOdoodeeDOO)

RANDOM ENCOUNTER! Ninja vs. a wild tripwire! Tripwire uses TRIP! It is SUPER EFFECTIVE!

^_^ We're cool.


	11. 1 Plus 1 Does NOT Equal 5

Author's Note: The shit is hitting the fan, folks! Aren't you excited? We're excited. This is the turning point of the story! Life will get much more angsty and depressing! But still awesome, hopefully. And we can be done with these silly "no killing things" chapters. Whoo!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter, in the later books, is angsty. We don't own him. Or this! ^_^

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Chapter 10: One Plus One Does NOT Equal Five

Evie scowled out the window, then turned back to Marie. "Marie, honey, we really need to find a way to leave those creeps behind."

Marie spared a quick glance over. "But, why? They're our friends!"

Evie crossed her arms. "No. They're NOT. They are human hunting, killing machines! It doesn't sound like a good relationship to be in!"

"But, they haven't hurt US yet."

"There's that 'Yet' again. Marie, they're STUDYING US. Haven't you seen the way Martello watches us? And records everything? We're lab rats! And what happens to lab rats? They DIE. Usually PAINFULLY."

Marie slumped. "But, we're almost home… I wanted to show them our home…"

Evie shook her head. "Like they would even understand what it means to be home! Look at what it's become! Our home is nothing but dust, ash, blood and ruins! And I will bet you ANYTHING that THEY had something to do with it!"

Marie looked about ready to cry. "Nuhuh! They KILL the Spiders! Just like we do!"

Evie sighed. "You'll see. I KNOW I'm right."

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Dho'mago'te was worried. Dai'za'te and Faru'qi were being very unwise. They were taking a large road into a town, pushing other transporters out of the way. He and Tvrtko had been slaughtering _Kainde Amedha_ right and left, to keep them from attacking the females.

The _Ooman_ village was on a very flat plain, with some hills. It went on for awhile, the buildings low compared to the tall structures in the larger villages that Dho'mago'te and Tvrtko had seen in their territory. It seemed much smaller and quieter.

He also didn't approve of the stops that Dai'za'te and Faru'qi insisted on making. They had made three stops, wandering into large buildings, looking about, and he and Tvrtko had been forced to kill _Kainde Amedha_ to keep them safe. There had been far too many close calls.

And the two females kept swerving all about the village. They normally went in a straight line to their location, but this time they seemed to have no idea where they were going.

Finally, much to his and Tvrtko's relief, Dai'za'te and Faru'qi went on a straight path again. They left the village behind, only to enter another, smaller one, a short ways away. This time, the females went on a distinct path, one it seemed they'd traveled before.

The ended up on a small road that had only one entrance and they stopped their transporter outside one specific _Ooman_ dwelling. Dho'mago'te watched intently as Dai'za'te and Faru'qi got out. Dai'za'te seemed… different. This bore investigating.

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Marie and Evie looked up at the crumbling structure. Some bricks were missing from the front and shingles from the roof. Marie was quiet, staring at the house and yet staring past it. Suddenly, Martello and Ninja appeared next to them.

Martello gently tugged on Marie's hair, his usual greeting to her. Marie waved his hand away. "Not today, Martello. I don't feel so good."

The red behemoth quirked his head. Reaching down, he pulled a dead squirrel from his belt and held it out to Marie. She looked and smiled wanly, taking the gift. "Thanks."

Evie reached out, touching Marie's shoulder. "Are you sure you're ready to go in? We can wait longer."

Marie just nodded and started forward. "The garage door is still open. I should fix that."

Evie sighed. "There is no garage door. We took it off running away."

"Oh yeah…"

The two went into the garage, up some steps, and into the house. Marie stopped in the laundry room, looking about. "It's like I never left. Maybe Mom and Dad came home. And Mark and Susie came home. We can all go and have dinner together! Maybe get the sushi party platter. Or hibachi. Mark will eat anything."

Evie looked as well and winced. The once pristine space was covered in dust and cracked tiles. It was obvious to her that no one had been in here since last summer. She sighed. "Maybe they did. I'm sure they'd love to go have dinner."

But Marie had wandered off, drifting like a ghost through the huge house. She went around a corner and into her parent's room. The master bedroom was faded from the sunlight that had come through the windows for the past two years, but Marie paid it no mind.

She went into the bathroom, then into the closet. Evie found Marie riffling through old dresses. Marie turned and smiled, holding a faded red one. "Look, Evie! This is the dress that Mommy wore to that ball! She was so pretty. Wasn't Mommy pretty? I wonder where she is. Her favorite sweater is still here! Maybe she went to get coffee."

Evie nodded. "Yes. Your mom was very pretty."

Marie beamed and put the dress back, gently stroking the satin. Marie wandered off, back into the room, over to a small bedside table. It was strewn with small, broken items. She gently picked up a small plate, only a few inches across. "I gave this to Mommy for Mother's Day. It has such a nice poem on it. She really liked it!"

Marie set the porcelain down and set off again into the house, Evie following behind, sighing. "I feel like I'm watching a two-legged puppy..."

Marie stopped in the kitchen, looking in the fridge. She sighed. "Silly Daddy. He forgot to go grocery shopping again. He KNOWS Mommy doesn't like grocery shopping. And Mark and Susie are home, so we need plenty to eat!"

Continuing about the kitchen, Marie stopped at the sink, then looked in the dishwasher. "Oh! That's right. I did the dishes, didn't I? Daddy asked me to. That's why they aren't there!"

Through the first floor it went, room by room. Memories mixing with the present, haunting the old house. Marie finally went into her bedroom, gazing happily at the once bright space. The walls that had once been vibrantly colored with blues and purples, and stars and moons were faded and dingy in the cold sunlight coming in.

Marie ran forward and hopped onto a pristine bed, covered with dust, reaching out and pulling several stuffed animals close. "Hello, my friends! Did you miss me? I missed you! We'll get to sleep together, don't worry!"

Evie stood in the doorway, gazing about the space. There were cracks in the walls and ceiling, one of the windows wasn't looking too good, and all the wood furniture had seen better days. Marie fussed about, and Evie knew she had to get Marie moving.

"Hey, Marie? Don't you want to check downstairs? To see if Mark and Susie are home yet?"

Marie immediately sat up from the bed. "Yeah! Oh, I can't wait to see them again! Mark hardly ever comes home, now that he's in grad school. I think he's getting ready to propose to his girlfriend soon! Did I tell you? He even bought a ring and showed it to me! And Susie got that great job, you know. And I wanted to watch that one movie with her again. She liked it last time!"

Evie quirked an eyebrow. "You mean 'Silence of the Lambs'?"

Marie nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! It's one of the only scary movies she'll watch with me."

The two went down the stairs to the lower level. Evie winced as she saw the enormous blood stain in the carpet near the stairs. Marie passed by it, sniffing. "Evie. We forgot to clean up our spill again. Mom will be mad."

Evie nodded as Marie went into her sister's room. "I'll make sure to tell her that we'll clean it up."

Marie quickly searched through the room, flopping on the bed, pouting. "She's not home yet! She said she'd be home today. Didn't she? I can't remember. Maybe she was coming home tomorrow?"

Evie gently pulled Marie up. "Maybe she did. We'll check the Facebook post she left you, yeah?"

Marie beamed. "You're right! Now, maybe Mark is home. If he is, he's lurking in his room, doing computery things."

Marie skipped off to the other side of the basement, poking her head in another room, before sighing. "He doesn't look like he's home either. Do you think he went out with his friends? He won't be back until late, then. How are we going to play Settlers of Catan together if no one is home?"

Evie shrugged. "I dunno. I'll play Go Fish with you."

Marie nodded. "Maybe later. I'm very sad. Why isn't anyone home? Evie? Where are they? They should be home. I miss them."

Evie wrapped an arm around Marie, steering her out of the room. "Come on. Let's go outside. We have work to do."

Marie frowned. "Do I have to clean the dog run again? And did Daddy shanghai you into doing it with me?"

Evie smiled softly. "Not quite."

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Evie and Marie slipped out the backdoor, strolling towards the woods, when something clattered behind them. Blinking, they both looked up and spotted Martello and Ninja peering at them from the dilapidated roof.

Evie frowned. "What are YOU twits doing? Get off of there; you're going to break something."

Evie turned away and continued leading Marie away into the woods as Martello and Ninja landed and followed them. Evie stopped again, just before the trees. Facing the two aliens, she frowned, pointing at them. "Look, you freaks. STAY. OUT. You can't come where we're going. You don't DESERVE to, especially if my hunch is right. So, just stay by the damn car."

Evie turned and pulled Marie along, coaxing her confused friend with gentle words. Martello and Ninja looked at each other, then back to the girls. They shrugged and cloaked, following the two girls into the woods.

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Evie gently led Marie into a small clearing, leading the shorter girl to a few stones set in the ground. Evie sighed. "Do you remember these now? Do you remember at all?"

Marie blinked, confused, staring at the stones. There were five total, and each one had a different drawing on them. She reached out to the one in the middle, touching a faded painting of an eye.

Marie wobbled and collapsed in front of the rock. She stared straight ahead, looking at the mark. Evie stood by silently, willing to wait until Marie remembered, before doing her own mourning.

Tears began to fall down Marie's scarred face. "They're not coming home… Are they? Never again… How could I forget that? How could I forget them? Everything? I'm a horrible family member…"

Evie set her hand on Marie's shoulder. "You're not horrible. You couldn't handle their deaths. You cracked. I didn't want to push you. I was afraid… That you wouldn't come back to me."

"I'm crazy, aren't I? I haven't felt like this in a long time… Everything seems so blurry, like a cartoon that I can't remember, but know I've watched."

Evie sighed. "I don't know what's wrong with you. While we're here, you're normal. Like you used to be. But, when we leave, it fades. You start to forget. It's been getting worse over the years."

Marie nodded, bowing her head. "I'm sorry I'm like this, Genevieve. I know it's been hard on you. I'm sorry I can't stop it. Will you stay with me? Til the end? Even if I forget everything?"

Evie patted Marie's shoulder. "Of course I will. I promised I would never leave you. Now, I'll let you take care of your graves. I have my own business to attend to."

"Of course. By all means. But, we'll clean… THEIR graves together? I… I don't think I can face it on my own."

Evie looked over her shoulder as she knelt by one other stone, on the opposite side of the clearing. "That's all right. I can't either. Let me know when you're finished there and we'll go take care of them."

Marie nodded and set about clearing weeds from in front of the stones, refreshing the markings, and leaving the dead squirrel on the rock farthest to the left. She sat back, having saved that one for last. It was adorned with a stick figure of something resembling a dog. "I'm sorry, Holmes. Hope you like the squirrel."

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Dho'mago'te and Tvrtko watched intently from the trees. They didn't understand what was going on. Dai'za'te seemed… Strange. And she and Faru'qi were wandering about, pulling greenery and poking about rocks.

Dho'mago'te frowned. What could this mean? He had never heard of _Oomans_ doing anything like this. He set about recording it, making sure to keep his voice quiet as he took notes. Tvrtko gazed on, watching Faru'qi intensely. She was also acting different.

Finally, the two females stopped tending the separate stones and gazed at each other. They spoke softly, then went towards stones on a third side of the clearing. There were two, but close together. He caught them mentioning words he understood of _Ooman._ Death, hurt, miss them, don't think.

Dho'mago'te frowned. What could this mean? The females approached the double rock together, gazing upon it. Dai'za'te secreted liquid from her eyes and he worried, knowing she was sad or hurt. The _Ooman_ reached out to one of the rocks and stroked it, repeating a phrase over and over.

Faru'qi was quiet, gazing sadly. She knelt down and lowered her head and Dho'mago'te saw Faru'qi secreting the liquid as well. She did this rarely and he was alarmed. Tvrtko was as well and began to step forward.

Dho'mago'te shushed him, holding back his companion, shaking his head. They could not interfere here. He did not know why, but he knew they could not. This was holy ground.

After a time, Dai'za'te reached out and touched Faru'qi's arm. Dai'za'te shook her head and turned away, rubbing at her now reddened face, leaving the clearing. Faru'qi stayed a moment longer, then leaned in and rested her forehead upon one of the two rocks, the one to the left. Sighing, she stood and left, walking after Dai'za'te.

Quietly, both warriors followed the females through the growing gloom, concerned about what they had just seen.

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Marie sighed as she re-entered what had once been her beloved home. Only now did she see the wear and tear on the once beautiful place and she winced at the sight of the rust colored stain on the beige carpet.

Trudging past it, she remembered the night that the… Xenomorphs, had come. Monsters of darkness, death and destruction. She knew they had taken her father, mother and pet. She had never found out what had happened to her older siblings. Or, for that matter, the one man she had loved. Had wanted to marry. Her dearest one.

Trudging up the stairs, she heard Evie come in. Marie went to her room, into her closet, and began pulling out boxes. There were only three, where once there had been almost a dozen, but water damage had ruined the others.

She sat on her faded comforter and began pulling out pictures, one by one, gazing upon familiar faces and places. She shuffled through the pictures, smiling at some, crying at others. She saw her family, unharmed, alive, smiling. Her friends around her, back when she had been normal.

Evie came in and sat next to her, skimming her own photos. She had only one photo album and easily went through it before Marie had finished one box. Then, Evie leaned over and began going through pictures with Marie.

After awhile, Evie slipped away, leaving Marie to her memories and contemplations. She exited the room, pulling the door shut behind her. She went to the living room and found Martello and Ninja gazing over the few pictures out there that had survived, especially the pictures of Marie as a child.

Martello picked up one picture of Marie, short haired and gap toothed, and pointed at it, then towards where Marie was. Evie nodded. "Yeah. That's Marie. Cute little thing, na?"

Martello gazed at the frozen image, caught while Marie had been happy, care free, and unmarred, then set it down gently, chattering softly to himself.

Evie took a deep breath, preparing herself. This had to be done and done NOW. She couldn't go on not knowing. She stepped up to Martello and tapped him on the arm. He looked down at her, quirking his head.

Evie gazed up into his masked face, deadly serious. "I have some questions that I really need answered. You ready?"

Martello contemplated what she said for a moment, checking something on his wrist control, then back to her, nodding. Evie nodded as well. "Good. So. First question. Did you hunt and kill the Xenomorphs BEFORE coming to kill them to save humans?"

Martello stopped, chittering to himself, then nodded affirmatively. Evie frowned. "Next question. Did you bring the Xenomorphs here? To Earth?"

The red giant shook his head no. Evie was annoyed. Something wasn't adding up. "Okay. So, if you hunt them other places, how could they have gotten here?"

Martello was stumped by this question for awhile. Several hand gestures and recordings later, Evie thought she understood what he had said. "Right. You're saying the Xenos just… Randomly evolve and appear places?"

Martello nodded, pleased. Evie leaned against the wall. "That doesn't make any sense at all. Are you sure that you NEVER brought ANY Xenomorphs to Earth?"

Martello paused, thinking. Then, he played a recording. "Only a little bit!"

Evie was not amused. "Then, obviously, you guys brought them here. How could they have gotten to Earth otherwise?"

Martello shook his head no vigorously, stabbing at his wrist. "Kill them all! Kill them all!"

"Yeah, sure. You're absolutely, 100% certain that no Xenomorph EVER escaped and WASN'T killed? Really?"

Martello stopped, then looked over at Ninja. Ninja shook his head no, but Martello seemed unconvinced. The red warrior just shrugged.

Evie stomped her foot, rearing up. "How can you be so casual about this? Do you KNOW what you have done? My species, Marie's species, our FAMILIES and FRIENDS and our LOVERS are all DEAD. All because YOU idiots couldn't stop and think about the repercussions of your actions! Marie is fucking NUTS because of you! My best friend! Do you have ANY idea what we had to go through, because you couldn't clean up your own damn MESS?"

Martello was silent through her tirade, thinking. He stepped forward, reaching out the Evie, to touch her shoulder, but she pulled away. "No. No. We are NOT friends. We're NOTHING, as far as I'm concerned. Marie and I have been through HELL and back because of you. And so has everything and everyone else on this dead rock!"

It was then that Evie noticed that Martello had been recording her. Again. This only infuriated her more. All the hurt, rage, pain, humiliation, suffering she had gone through welled up and she was white hot with fury. "STOP THAT! Stop recording me like some twisted science experiment! I'm not a toy; I'm not a test subject! And neither is Marie!"

The two aliens and one human stopped as they heard something clatter to the floor. Turning, they all saw Marie, standing outside her room, a picture frame fallen from her hands and shattered on the floor. She looked lost, confused. Evie took a step forward. "Marie. Honey. Come here, okay? Don't do anything stupid, all right? We're gonna go now, okay?"

Marie didn't listen. She let out a sobbing wail, tears rolling down her face, and she fled, charging out the front door of her shattered home. Evie started after her, but Martello was faster and he leapt towards the open door, pounding after the quickly vanishing Marie.

Evie kept running towards the door, but Ninja grabbed her, pulling her back. Evie felt the fury again and she turned, pulling out the small hand gun that Marie insisted she carry. Pressing the barrel against Ninja's stomach, she pulled the trigger, making a satisfying crack in the silence.

Ninja dropped her arm and stepped back, gazing at the small trickle of green blood flowing from the wound. Evie kept the gun up, infuriated. "Don't you EVER come near me AGAIN. I HATE you. I hate Martello. I hate your race. I loathe EVERYTHING about you and yours. Come near me again and I will FINISH YOU."

It was almost unnoticeable, but Ninja seemed to slump, stepping back again. Evie snarled, then turned and went out the front door, gazing up the street. "Marie! Marie, come back! Please… Please come back…"

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Dho'mago'te ran slowly, keeping up with Dai'za'te, but not catching up. He wasn't sure he wanted to catch her. But, it wasn't safe and she had few weapons. He didn't want any harm to come to his small companion.

Finally, Dai'za'te seemed to slow, trudging towards some strange metal contraptions, sitting on some sort of sling and swinging about in it. He stepped forward quietly, not wanting to startle her. Finally, he was in front of her, and he had never been more terrified in his life.

He knew. He KNEW what had happened. He knew that planets were seeded for hunts, about the incident on the _Ooman_ planet, of the abomination that had come from a Yautja warrior. He had thought that it had been handled, by both Yautja AND _Oomans_. Clearly, he had been WRONG.

He didn't know what to say anymore. It had all been so simple. _Oomans_ were to be prey or to be studied. That's all. But, he had studied too much. He knew why no one had done it before him. _Oomans_ were too alike.

He, too, had kin he didn't wish to see taken by the Black Warrior. He felt his heart well with sorrow at the thought of not seeing them again. He knew he wasn't supposed to feel those things, they should have been beaten out of him in training, but he and his clan had always been odd.

Feeling that sadness, he realized it was only a tiny fraction of what Dai'za'te felt in her heart. At least, the Black Warrior willing, he would see his kin again and have them with him for many years yet. But Dai'za'te… She had lost many, many kin and friends because of his peoples' carelessness.

Reaching out, he tried to touch her, as he had so many times before. But now, it had new meaning. He reached out to her as a friend; as he would Tvrtko, not as something fun to do with a pet.

She looked up sharply at him, pain in her small face and green eyes. She bared her teeth in a way he knew wasn't good and lashed out at him. He felt a blade enter his arm and he blinked. She had not attacked him in some time.

Looking down, he was dismayed to find that it was the very blade he had given her. He pulled it out of his arm and tried to give it back to her. She stood, pulling away, waving her arms, refusing to accept the weapon.

Shoulders slumping, he placed the knife on his belt once more. The weight felt strange after being gone so long. Dai'za'te looked ready to run again and his scanners were picking up the approach of some _Kainde Amedha_. He wanted to bring Dai'za'te back alive, so that Faru'qi would not lose another of her kind and so Dai'za'te could continue to live.

Darting a hand out, he grabbed her arm easily and pulled her close, enfolding her in his grip, picking her up and setting off at a quick jog. Dai'za'te kicked and bit at him, trying to be released, but he endured. Taking her abuse was the least he could do to begin repaying the debt he had to her.

She secreted the fluid again, screaming at him. His heart clenched, knowing he was causing this, but not willing to let her run. Finally, after a short time, he reached the abode that had once been home to Dai'za'te and her kin.

Faru'qi rushed forward, waving a weapon, and Dho'mago'te gently set Dai'za'te down, letting Faru'qi take her. Faru'qi yowled at him, pulling Dai'za'te away. The two females went into a different home, one right next to Dai'za'te's, and shut the door.

Dho'mago'te sighed and cloaked, slipping up onto the roof above Dai'za'te and Faru'qi's heads. Crouching there, he resolved to not allow anything to harm the two females again. He and his had done enough to cause them suffering, pain they did nothing to deserve.

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The night waned and Dho'mago'te waited, occasionally picking off _Kainde Amedha_ that got too close. Finally, Tvrtko reappeared, bleeding from a small wound in his stomach. Dho'mago'te didn't bother to look up to acknowledge his friend. "Tvrtko… What have we done to these people?"

Tvrtko said nothing. He simply stood next to Dho'mago'te, frowning and thinking.


	12. FML

Author's Note: Life hates us. But we love you. So we're trying to do this anyway. Don't even ask about everything that's happened. You will cry.

Also, make sure you read QuickStar's gift fic in "Misfit Tails" if you want this chapter to make any sense. Kay? Kay.

New Contest! So, we got bored of search and find challenges, so we wanted to do this! This time, you have to send us your BEST "Yo Daddy" joke. Yes, you read that correctly. Yautja highly respect females, so it is NOT "Yo Mama" jokes. That being said, the winner that we choose from the entries will get a gift one shot with their "Yo Daddy" joke inserted either in their one shot or in Minivan Escapades.

This contest will run from September 22 to September 29. Yes. It WILL last a full week and we shall go through at the end and declare our winner. If there is a tie, we MAY choose both as winners. We shall see.

Good luck, comedians!

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Chapter 11: FML!

Marv peered through his telescope at the Xenos around his wall. During the past winter, they had begun acting strangely, running at one spot only to be gunned down by his defenses, and now their activity had taken on a frenetic pace. He sat back and steepled his fingers, thinking. "What are those blasted critters doing?"

Standing, he began to pace. So far, he had done well during the apocalypse. He had created this sanctuary long before the Xenomorphs had come, having been obsessed with the idea of an impending zombie apocalypse. He was grateful that it worked for alien defense as well.

But, something was wrong. Several times this week he had set out some of the creatures he housed, such as pigs and chickens. The animals had been ignored by the aliens. This was not normal. And there was a growing hole at the location all of the Xenos seemed intent on being at. No, this wasn't good.

Marvin drew himself up and straightened his bow tie. More extreme measures would have to be taken. Going down the steps of his tower, Marv quickly made his way to his garage, which housed his tank, the same vehicle that Marie and Genevieve had dubbed "Betsy". He snorted at the silliness, and then closed the hatch.

He went through his many safety hatches, then emerged above ground, 100 yards or so from his outer wall. Turning the vehicle, he made his way towards the growing hole. Parking the tank, he took aim at the mob of Xenomorphs and fired a shell.

The weapon discharged and took many Xenos with it. However, instead of turning and attacking him, the Xenomorphs kept charging the hole, to be cut down by his automated gun defenses. Acid blood flew.

Scowling, Marv fussed with his bow tie. This was most unusual. Suddenly, there was the sound of claws on the roof of the tank. A Xenomorph leapt down from the top of Betsy and landed in front of him, joining its brethren in their relentless charge.

Marv scowled and turned away, returning to his garage. He exited the tank and slowly walked back up the stairs to his control room. Sitting down in his favorite chair, he loosened his bow tie, thinking. The only possible explanation for their behavior that he could come up with was rather worrisome.

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It had been a fairly successful summer, but Evie was worried. The caravans that they normally worked with had been denying them work for some time. They'd gotten a few jobs here and there, but not nearly as many as they were used to getting.

Evie carefully took stock of what she and Marie had managed to get so far and scowled, cursing. "I can't BELIEVE we've only gotten 8 cans of fruit for that last job. We haven't done this badly since we first started! At least then it made sense. I mean, sure, supplies are low, but STILL. We didn't even get ANY dried meat!"

Marie came over, peering over Evie's shoulder. "Not looking good?"

"Not at ALL. I just don't get it. Pretty much ALL of the caravans in the Midwest know us! They KNOW we do good work! Why aren't they hiring us? Hell, we're one of the cheapest groups out there anyway!"

Marie frowned. The cogs of her mind were whirling just as hard as Evie's. "I don't know, either. We're almost back to Marv's. We're about three days out. And we haven't had a job in the last week and a half. And it's the heavy traveling season."

Evie snorted. "Maybe they don't like us anymore because we played Robin Hood last season."

Marie waved the suggestion off. "Hey, most of them were perfectly willing to give us our due once they saw we were alive. We only had to REALLY rough up one of them. I'm sure the other caravans would understand."

Evie nodded and sighed, hopping out of the van and shutting the doors. "Maybe we just need to ask when we find another caravan. I'm sure someone would be willing to explain why they aren't hiring us much. Maybe it's been a bad year?"

Marie nodded vaguely, eyes focused across the clearing. She made a shooing motion with one of her hands and Evie frowned.

"Marie. What are you waving at?"

"Nothing!"

Evie started walking to where Marie had been gazing at. "You are a TERRIBLE liar."

Marie ran in front of Evie, keeping her from going further. "Okay! Okay, you caught me. It was, uh, Jimbob! Yeah! He was about to throw another acorn at you! I was trying to get him to stop."

Evie just stared at Marie and stepped around her shorter friend. Evie peered into the trees and caught the barest flicker of movement. She scowled, reaching for her hand gun. "I SEE you, you bastards! Don't you even TRY to come near here!"

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Dho'mago'te winced at the harsh tone of Faru'qi. He had warned Tvrtko about getting too close to the campsite. Even though he had made a truce with Dai'za'te, Faru'qi was still very displeased with the two of them.

Sighing, Dho'mago'te waved Tvrtko over. There was no use pretending that they weren't there. They would just have to get this over with.

Dho'mago'te uncloaked and started forward. "Come, Tvrtko. Let us do what we have discussed."

Tvrtko uncloaked as well and followed slightly behind the larger warrior, grumbling.

They entered the clearing and Dai'za'te was clearly trying to prevent Faru'qi from shooting them as they came in, as Faru'qi was yelling and Dai'za'te was clinging to her arm desperately.

Dho'mago'te went straight for Faru'qi and stood over her. He nodded at her angry visage and went to one knee in front of her. Tvrtko knelt next to him, still hissing angrily.

Reaching up, Dho'mago'te undid his mask. The burst of air from the outside world threw him off for a moment, but he held still. Tvrtko removed his mask as well.

The two warriors looked straight at Faru'qi and nodded to her. Dho'mago'te took the lead. He cleared his throat and began speaking in his best _Ooman_. "Whee Sa're. Oo eet as? R'evenga?"

Faru'qi blinked, confused. She turned to Dai'za'te and spoke. Their _Ooman_ was much faster than his, but he understood them fairly well. Faru'qi was asking for clarification of what he said. Cursing mentally, he swore to practice his _Ooman_ more.

Dai'za'te spoke and Faru'qi made more noises, then turned back to himself and Tvrtko. Dho'mago'te met her infuriated gaze. But, even as he watched, the anger faded and was replaced with what he took to be annoyance.

Faru'qi snorted, then turned away, walking to the camp. Dho'mago'te blinked and stood, holding his mask. "F'arendz?"

Faru'qi stopped and glared over her shoulder. She spat out words he had heard before and he nodded. It was what she had always labeled them as. Temporary Allies.

Tvrtko was already melting back into the trees, saying something about not needing forgiveness from _Oomans_. Dho'mago'te smiled. Tvrtko had been angry since the events at the home of Dai'za'te and Faru'qi, but mostly because Tvrtko felt bad for the injustice done to them. Not that Tvrtko would say that.

Dho'mago'te looked over at Dai'za'te as he left the clearing. She gave him a small smile, lacking her usual baring of teeth, and gave him a thumbs up. Then, she turned away and went to Faru'qi.

Dho'mago'te left, feeling marginally satisfied. There was still hope that their comradeship could be maintained.

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Marv's abode was only about fifteen minutes away. Marie sighed, feeling the relief coming through her system. It had been a rough summer and she was ready to relax somewhere safe. Marv wouldn't be too disappointed with their haul. She'd managed to find an old laptop that still had a functional battery. He'd be thrilled with that!

Smiling, she brought the van over the hill and into the valley. Rolling up to the gates, she pushed the intercom button. "Hey! Marv! We're back!"

Minutes passed silently. Marie frowned, feeling her paranoia creeping back in. She remembered Marv saying that something strange was going on… "Marv? Hellooo? Hey! Let us in! Don't MAKE me use the codes you gave us!"

Still nothing. Marie quickly punched in the access code for the first door and inched across the perimeter. Not much seemed out of place in the outer ring. They made it to the next door and tried the com again. Still nothing from their friend.

Evie was loading her weapons and checking that everything was in place. "I don't like this."

Marie nodded, pulling up her machete from beside the seat. "Me either."

Again, the access code was punched in and they went into their ring, the inner ring. Marie drove about. It was too quiet. Parking, Marie grabbed her weapons and got out, advancing towards the tower door. Evie followed close behind.

Suddenly, an all too familiar screech resounded in the complex and Marie whipped her gun up to bear. A Xenomorph lunged at them from the walls surrounding the tower. She fired and missed. Retreating, she and Evie watched the black monster approach.

Evie scowled. "Damn it all, we've gotten SOFT. THIS is what we get for not getting to fight Xenos every night."

Marie nodded, never taking her eyes off of the beast in front of them. It hissed and lunged again. This time, Marie stood her ground, slipping into her mental kill zone. She shot through its torso, then, as it lay gasping on the ground, Evie dispatched it with a shot behind the extended cranium. The Xenomorph went still.

Marie and Evie looked into each others' eyes and knew that something had gone horribly wrong. Running to the door to the tower, they punched in the code and vanished into the gaping maw of darkness that consumed the interior of the tower.

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They had gone through the tower relatively swiftly, finding no further Xenomorphs inside. But, it was clear that they HAD been in there. The dining room was shredded, the grand piano destroyed, there were very few rooms that were left untouched by their acidic blood and deadly claws.

Finally, the women made it to the top of the tower. Marie choked back a cry of dismay. The steel door that had previously been there was demolished, melted and shattered on the floor. Going in, they scanned the small room.

There was nothing. Marvin was nowhere to be found. The only evidence that he had been there recently was a bowtie, lying strewn on the floor.

Marie knelt and picked it up, holding the scrap of fabric in her hands. "Evie… He's GONE, Evie…"

Evie nodded, head low. Their return had been heralded by death and destruction. "We need to leave. If there is one Xeno here, there are going to be more. We can't fight them all. We're not prepared to."

Marie nodded. "I know. Can't we look a little longer? Just in case? Maybe he made it outside."

Evie nodded. "All right. We can do that. But, we can't take long."

The two stood and carefully picked their way down the stairs, guns ready. They stood on the bottom floor, scanning the area. Marie took point. "Come on. Let's check our house first. He could have made it there and then up to the walls. At least there could be something salvageable."

Evie nodded, pleased to be taking up her old role as a follower. She had never been comfortable leading herself and Marie about. It just wasn't how it was supposed to be. But now, Marie was, slowly, getting better. And Evie was willing to let them slip back into their old roles.

They easily made their way through their old home and the few other buildings in the central complex. Other than gaining supplies, they found nothing. None of the animals were left. Not even carrion birds were circling.

The two finished loading the van with what they had found. Marie heaved a sigh, head low. "If he didn't make it out to here, then there's no way he could have made it to the outer ring. Right?"

Evie nodded. "Most likely…"

Marie sniffed, wiping her eyes. Straightening up, the shorter girl put on a stern face, but Evie could see her lower lip wobbling. "Well, no point in lingering about here, then. Gotta find a place to hole up for the winter. It's gonna be here soon."

Evie nodded. Suddenly, loud noises began coming from the tower. Marie took a few cautious steps forward. "Marv? Izzat you?"

A piercing shriek rang out and Marie paled, charging back to the van. "GET IN! NOW! We've gotta go!"

Evie dove into her seat, buckling in as Marie threw the van into gear and charged out the gates. She stopped only to close the huge doors, before barreling out the front gates and shutting them as well. She hit the gas and drove as fast as she dared.

Evie held on for dear life, hoping she wouldn't need to hurl anytime soon.

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The fire crackled before both of them. Neither of the women spoke for a long time. Finally, Marie whispered into the silence. "Evie… Did you SEE how many of them there were? If we hadn't been able to get a head start and shut the doors…."

Evie nodded, poking the fire. "I can't BELIEVE there were so many… Maybe there's a queen nearby there? They're scouting for a lair to bring their victims, to make more baby Xenos?"

Marie shrugged. "I don't know… I really can't think too well right now. I think the crazy is trying to come back… I mean, Marv… You know. He SAVED us… You were dying and I was so scared and we were starving and if he hadn't come-"

Evie cut her friend off by wrapping an arm around the other girl's broader shoulders. "It's all right, Marie. Marv… Well, we can only hope he took the easy way out for himself. At least he won't have to suffer anymore. They don't have germs in heaven."

Marie nodded and leaned her head against Evie's. Evie nuzzled her gently and they sat together, whispering memories of good times with Marv. The fire died down and the two curled up in a blanket nest together, ready to sleep.

Marie sat up before she fully drifted off. "Need to set a watch. I'll go. Thought I heard something."

Evie yawned. "It's almost morning anyway, dummy. Just sleep. We should be fine."

But Marie stood. "No. No, I heard something. It's coming from over there…"

Evie sat up and stretched. "Maybe it's just Martello and Ninja. They have a habit of stalking us."

Shaking her head, Marie edged closer to her gun. "I don't think so… Martello and Ninja NEVER make noise… And they left, remember?"

Suddenly, before either woman could react, lights flared about them. Marie and Evie both cried out as the bright lights burned their eyes. Strong hands grabbed at them, pulling them up. Marie, still light dazzled, struck out blindly with her fist, connecting with a nose. She grinned as she heard a yelp of pain.

Evie flailed, kicking and biting and clawing at her attackers. Pulling her ever present sidearm, she fired behind her, hearing a grunt as two hands loosened on her. Pulling away, she slammed the handle of her sidearm into the head of the other holding her.

Marie had, as usual, caused maximum damage in minimum time. The stocky woman was whipping her knives about, stabbing, slashing, and hurling them with deadly precision. Their vision restored, Marie and Evie stood on separate sides of a clearing swarming with men. Human men.

The women snarled, shocked and infuriated that their own race was attacking them. The men advanced and they fought on, but it was no use. Overpowered by sheer numbers, soon Evie and Marie were bound hand and foot and thrown in the back of a strange truck.

The men congratulated each other, talking about how hard it had been to "capture those psycho bitches". As a precaution, both girls were gagged, since several men had bite marks to prove how dangerous they still were, even tied up.

Marie and Evie HAD managed to kill and/or maim several of their attackers. At least 4 of the men were dead, that was for certain. No one could come back from a slit throat or a bullet to the brain. The others were breathing, but no one was certain for how long.

Most of the rest of the group that had taken the two women were also damaged, but less so. The worst, non-lethal, injury was a man who'd been unfortunate enough to get one of Marie's knives to his shoulder. The other were bitten, scratched, or had other grazing injuries. Only a couple men got away unharmed, and they were the ones that had been holding the lights.

Marie wiggled, trying to reach another of her knives. They'd searched her, more like felt her up, for her collection, but she knew they hadn't found all of them. Unfortunately, one of the men guarding the bound women was twirling the blade that Martello had given her in his hand.

He grinned down at the glaring woman. "What? You mad that I've got your toy? Girls shouldn't play with such dangerous things, you know. They could get hurt."

Suddenly, he stabbed it down, stopping just above her throat. Marie didn't flinch. She simply glared at him harder, wishing she could burn a hole through his head.

The man above her laughed nervously, pulling the knife away. He hated the way she glared at him and how she refused to be scared. Not even of the possibility of death. Scowling, he spun the blade around and slammed the hilt down onto Marie's head.

The girl twitched, eyes rolling back, and then fell still. She was still breathing and the man sighed, finally relaxing.

Evie watched this all, desperately wanting to rescue Marie. Scooching closer, she nuzzled her unconscious friend. She shut her eyes, wishing this would all disappear. Terror went through the very core of her being. Her only thought was that all the things they had managed to escape from and get over, were going to happen able. Her lips thinned and her eyes narrowed as the surrounding men rejoiced in their hard-won 'victory.' History would not repeat itself. She and Marie wouldn't let it.

And the raucous group drove on through the autumn morning.

!)#%&!#%&!(#^!)#%(#$^&!$)#^%(!)&#%(!%*#)$(!)#%&!(#$&)#$(!#)%*!)#%&!)#%*!(#$&%!)#&%!#)(

Author's End Note: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The end!

No, not really. But, we'll bet ANYTHING that you want to know what happens to them. (Cus we're jerks. ^_^) And why for is this happening? You shall see. Tee-hee.

Don't forget our contest and we'll see you in the next installment of "Hero is a Cheap Label"!


	13. Don't Burst My Bubble!

Author's Note: Here we come to save the DAAAAAY! Not really, but we do bring an end to our cliffhanger! We know you're all terribly excited. So. Anyway. On with the tale!

Also, why don't you people give us some "Yo Daddy" jokes? We can't hand out one shots without anyone giving us anything. So, nothing this time. Come on, people, you're creative! We don't care what it is, give us something! Please?

WARNING: This chapter, while not horribly graphic, WILL contain rape and other unpleasantness of that nature. If you don't like that, and don't want to read it, we understand. Please note that we do not condone such acts, and that this is just a story. Please don't be angry.

Disclaimer: We own nothing. Seriously. We're in college, people. We're POOR.

!)#*%)!*#%(!*)#%&!#)%(!#)%*!#$%^!#(%#)%*^)#%&^)*!#)%*!)(#%*#)$%^!#%(*!#)%*(!#&)!#%

Chapter 12: Don't Burst My Bubble!

Marie groaned, feeling as if her head was about to burst like a rotten melon. Evie woke to her friend's soft groans and nuzzled into Marie gently. Marie blinked, looking over, feeling horribly confused. Seeing the gag over Evie's mouth and feeling her own bonds, Marie's memories came back swiftly.

Staying still, Marie glanced about the truck they were in. The men were still awake and fairly alert, holding weapons. Marie was incensed to note that the man who had hit her head was lovingly stroking HER Hand Cannon.

The truck halted and she and Evie were picked up and carried out. Clearly the men had learned their lesson about letting the two women having their feet free. One man was still recovering from a savage kick to his groin from Evie.

The two were carried through a large camp. Taking it in as best as they could in their groggy state, Evie and Marie both noted how huge the camp was. A large caravan, probably close to a hundred or so people, give or take. Most likely that was a generous estimate.

There were mostly men, but a few women and children could be spotted slinking along behind the men. Soon, Marie and Evie were dumped, still bound and gagged, in a tent at the center of the camp. The men left, laughing and congratulating themselves, while Marie and Evie desperately tried to get the ropes off.

Needless to say, they failed miserably. Soon, some women entered the tent. Marie and Evie looked at each other askance, then back to the women in front of them.

The three women looked AWFUL. Their hair was loose about them and they wore skirts to the knee, but it was easy to see the bruises on them, and the defeated, whipped look on their faces. These were women that had given in to their situation and had been broken.

Mentally, Marie swore she wouldn't let that happen to her and Evie. She made a mental note to speak with Evie as soon as possible about possible escape plans. If nothing else, she would kill Evie and then herself before letting them become like these husks of women

The women pulled out knives and began cutting the thick clothes off of Marie and Evie. They both thrashed violently, and Marie managed a good wallop to one woman's gut, but soon the two were naked.

They both curled up, trying to cover themselves with their bound hands. Again, it proved fruitless. The broken women laid out a small tarp and placed Evie and Marie onto it, and began gently scrubbing the dirt and grime from their bodies with sponges.

Despite the struggles of the warriors, the tarp was soon put away and they were clean. Their hair was washed and dried and brushed, Marie's left down, which annoyed her to no end. Quickly, the women finished up, somehow managing to get Marie and Evie into scanty nightgowns, without leaving them unbound for too long.

Marie was infuriated and Evie looked like she was going to be sick. The night gowns were flimsy, filmy, see through monstrosities. Marie thought that she would have been happier without the farce of this being a willing encounter.

The women had pulled out pillows and blankets, making two nests of some sort. Marie was placed in one and Evie in the other. Then, just as quickly as they had arrived, the women left. Marie managed to wiggle enough to look over at Evie, locking gazes with her terrified friend.

They both heard male voices from outside the tent, getting closer. Ugly laughter pervaded the air. Marie looked over at Evie again and nodded to her friend. Evie whimpered behind the gag and shut her eyes, burying her face in a pillow.

Marie lay back, sighing, feeling empty and hollow. She had sworn to never let Evie be hurt like this again. But, not even her strength and skill could protect Evie from all the cruelties of man.

As the men entered, stinking of booze and sweat, Marie shut her eyes tightly. She felt hands on her, touching her, and horrible voices whispering in her ear of all the things that would be done to her. If she hadn't had a gag in, she would have hurled.

The gag was removed and her legs were shoved apart and she could hear Evie crying and she was so angry and frustrated and helpless. She bit down, hard, on the first thing to enter her mouth and she smiled in satisfaction at the cry of pain.

She winced as she was punched and felt her nose go out of alignment. She had already been lightheaded from her head injury earlier and her head lolled on her neck. She fought against blacking out. She would stay awake for this, remember every injustice, and exact it back upon these monsters in men's bodies a thousand fold.

She glared furiously, refusing to cry. She stared her attacker in the face, in his eyes, and she knew that he was afraid of her. But, not as afraid as he would be. She would make sure of that. They would let their guard down. Then they would know to be afraid.

As the next man came to her, she caught a glimpse of Evie. Evie seemed to be comatose, staring at nothing as she was abused. Marie winced, knowing that Evie was reliving every past suffering. Laying back, Marie longed for her past to return to her, where she and Evie were safe and respected and protected.

Now, they were alone. And no one cared about respecting them. Unbidden, an image of a man came to her. He was tall and broad, with a gentle smile and kind, blue eyes. Marie shut her eyes, focusing on the image of the man that she had loved, her fiancé. She hoped she could pretend that it was him in her, that it was their wedding night, that the world was kind and good and just.

She felt tears burning behind her eyes, but she wouldn't let them fall. The men in the tent would think that she had broken. She refused them that pleasure, since she could deny them little else.

Bruises were already appearing on her as yet another man took her. Suddenly, in her mind, next to the image of her beloved, came a second man. Yet, this man was not a man. He, too, was tall and muscled, but with skin the color of the Arizona sands.

Tightening her fists, she shoved the image from her mind, focusing on what had been there previously, keeping her mind barely intact. The night wore on and her suffering continued, long into the hours of the morning.

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Marie was deeply focused on wiggling her right leg. She almost had it loose, and the man grunting away above her hadn't noticed. She grinned mentally as her foot slipped free. The man had just sighed, pulling away, and Marie glared at him furiously.

Her right knee slammed into the relaxed man's side, and Marie giggled as he made a satisfying yelp of pain. Cursing, he stumbled away from her, nursing an already bruising side. He snarled at her, furious that his post coital bliss had been ruined.

"You fucking crazy bitch! Dingo was right about you two!"

Marie blinked, processing the words that had come from her most recent attacker's mouth. He grinned at her sickly.

"Yeah, that's right! He came to us, telling us all about you two nutjobs. Trying to kill those freak aliens. We thought it would be a mercy to reign you two in, teach you how ladies should act. But no! You're a goddamn hellcat, and your friend is a cold fish!"

Marie took a deep offence to Evie being called any sort of fish. Evie hated seafood. Marie's foot lashed out once more, hitting into the man's knee and sending him toppling over.

He cursed, reaching for the escaped foot. Marie managed to land one more kick to his face before he was able to secure her. Panting heavily, he stood, pulling his clothes on, cursing at how insane the new bitches were.

Just before he left, the man looked over his shoulder. "Good thing Dingo will be back soon. Maybe he can beat some manners into your thick head!"

As he stormed from the tent, Marie sighed, relaxing as much as she could. Rolling her head, she could see Evie laying still. Then, slowly, Evie turned her head and the two women locked gazes. Evie began to tremble slightly.

"Marie?"

"I know. Don't worry, it's gonna be okay. I won't let him touch you or me."

"But… You can't promise that. He'll keep coming after us!"

Marie frowned, thinking hard, before taking a deep breath and gazing serenely into her dearest friend's eyes. "I swear I won't let him touch you. I promise you that, if all else fails, I will kill you to keep him from you. And I promise that I'll follow right after. Okay?"

Evie blinked, then slowly nodded. "I'll do the same for you, if it turns out that way. We'll go together."

Marie nodded once more and shut her eyes, hoping to get some sleep before the next onslaught of "visitors".

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A few days later, Evie was now busily working to loosen the ropes around her wrists. Since she was always so still, the men had been tying her less carefully. Marie encouraged Evie to get the ropes loose, but not to slip from them. Not yet.

This day, they heard noises, and singing. Evie began panicking "It's Dingo! He has to be back! Oh god, oh god, oh god!"

Marie tried talking Evie down. "Hey, now! Maybe they're just singing because it's someone's birthday. Come on, now, let's try and slip away while we can. And, if nothing else, we'll keep our promises. Now, come on, slip out of those ropes and help me."

Evie nodded, quickly releasing herself from her bondage, then setting Marie loose. Marie rubbed her chafed and raw wrists and ankles, sighing and stretching as her muscles got used to moving again.

They stood, staring at each other. Marie glanced at the tent door. "Well, do you want to try running? Cus if we're going to do that, I demand pants and a shirt. Have I ever told you how much I have missed wearing pants?"

Evie gave a shaky smile. "Yeah, pants would be nice."

Wrapping some blankets around themselves, Marie and Evie slipped out of the tent, picking their way through the camp, aiming for the tree line. Marie took the lead, blinking in the fading sunlight.

Marie paused, whispering to Evie. "Hey, do you feel how warm it is?"

Evie nodded.

Frowning, Marie looked about them. There was little to no snow on the ground and grass was slowly growing. Marie sucked in a breath. "Goddamn! The bastards have had us all winter! That's, like, seven or eight months! Fuck."

Evie slipped closer to Marie, whimpering. They kept going and just as they were close to escape, shouting commenced in the camp. The two women charged towards the trees, desperate to reach freedom.

But, they were too slow and weak. Months of little to no movement had left them tired and worn. Just as Marie hit the trees, she heard a yelp behind her. Wheeling about, she saw Evie in the grasp of the man she hated most in the camp. The man that had taken her knife and her Hand Cannon.

He grinned at her, holding a gun to Evie's head. "Come on back here, hell bitch. Nice and easy. You don't want your friend losing her head, hm?"

Marie snarled, spitting curses at him, but she came back, slowly. Two men grabbed her and the women were marched back to the camp and thrown into the back of a large van. They were locked in.

Marie pounded on the metal doors to no avail. Turning, she saw Evie hunched in a corner, rocking back and forth. Sighing, the bespectacled woman went to her friend and wrapped her arms around the shivering wreck.

"Shh… Evie, shh. It's gonna be all right. I'm sorry we couldn't make it. But I'll make everything better, all right?"

Evie nodded, curling more closely into Marie. Marie pulled a knife from out of nowhere and settled Evie in front of her. Marie looked at the blade in her hand, and then gently pressed it close to Evie's throat.

Evie sniffled. "Marie?"

"What is it?"

"You'll come right after, right? You won't leave me alone?"

Marie hugged Evie. "You know I'd never leave you alone. You never left me. Now, shut your eyes. I'll make it quick."

Evie nodded and relaxed into Marie's grasp, baring her throat. Marie touched the blade down and took a deep breath. Just as she was about to slash through, a familiar noise broke through the air.

"STOP!"

Marie jerked the blade away, looking about her wildly. Evie blinked, confused.

Evie looked up at Marie. "Marie? Why did you say stop?"

"It wasn't me!"

"It's HAMMERTIME!"

Marie and Evie blinked rapidly together, then looked towards the doors of the van. Marie set the knife down. "Was that?"

Evie nodded. "Martello."

The two women ran towards the front of the van, where the doors had been previously guarded and they clambered out, looking about them at the rampant chaos taking place.

There were screams and gunshots and fire blazing in every direction. They hurried away, but Marie stopped, hearing a familiar voice. She grinned, cradling her knife lovingly.

"Evie. Wait here."

Evie grabbed Marie's arm. "Wait, where are you going?"

"Not far. I have to say hello to an old friend."

Evie frowned. "First of all, that line was horribly cheesy. Second, can't we just leave?"

Marie shook her head. "I'm sorry, but I have to do this. I'll never forgive myself if I don't. Besides, he's got my knife. And I can't see Martello again without it."

Evie nodded and stepped back, hiding behind some vehicles as Marie advanced into the eerie light.

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Marie carefully slipped through the shadows, clutching her knife, eyes locked on her target. The man that had tormented her from the beginning, the man that had taken her special knife and her Hand Cannon, was right in front of her.

A Xenomorph darted out, screaming at Marie's intended victim. He jerked, surprised, and whipped a gun around, sending a round into the creature's torso.

The Xeno writhed on the ground, acid blood leaving a swath of destruction, then it lay still. He grinned, giving the gun an affectionate pat.

Marie took her chance. Putting on a burst of speed, she flew towards him and slipped the knife into his back.

He screamed, jerking away, and Marie took her chance to grab HER GUN, and throw him to the ground. Panting from the exertion, Marie cured the fact she'd gotten so weak. He should have been dead on the first knife strike.

He stared at her, wide eyed. He tried to run, move his legs, but Marie was still proficient enough that she had severed part of his spinal cord. He looked up at her in horror.

Marie smiled. "Yeah. That's right. It's me. So, I think you have something else of mine. I don't want to touch your disgusting self, so you better just hand it over, so I don't have to search your corpse for it."

"Why are you doing this? I'm going to die this way! I can't move!"

Marie crouched down, staring him in the eyes. "Why am I doing this? Really? Did you seriously just ask me that? You kidnap me and my friend, you take my special knife, you hit me in the head and probably gave me a concussion, you rape me and my friend constantly for several months, AND you've taken and have used my Hand Cannon. What, am I supposed to be madly in love with you now?"

He whimpered, holding up his hands. "I'm sorry! I was just following orders!"

Marie blinked. "Seriously? You were ordered to steal my things and rape me?"

"Uh, um, no? Yes! I mean, yes!"

Marie scowled. "Bullshit, you bastard. Now, I won't say this again. GIVE. ME. MY. KNIFE."

He fumbled about, pulling the large, beautiful knife from behind his back, holding up to her with shaky hands. "Here! Take it! Please don't hurt me!"

Marie gently took the blade from him, smiling at the mysterious metal knife. Then, she checked her Hand Cannon, and looked back at the terrified man.

"So. This? This is MY GUN. That you have been using without PERMISSION. Now, tell me. How much ammo is left for my baby Cannon?"

If possible, the man looked even more terrified and he whispered. "There… There is none left. I used the last of it, just now, to kill the alien…"

Marie made a blank face, staring at the now useless gun in her hands. Slowly, she stood and glared down at the man cowering before her. She smiled evilly. "Well. Thank you for that information. I'm afraid I have something to give you now."

The man smiled hopefully. "A quick death?"

Marie shook her head. "No. Remember, I'm all about an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a concussion for a concussion."

The man's smiled left his face and he began to beg her to just kill him. His pleas fell on ears that couldn't give a damn. Marie hefted the gun, then brought it slamming down onto his skull. He jerked, then fell backwards, still.

Nodded, Marie turned and left to go find Evie. She stopped, then turned back and unlaced the boots the man was wearing, slipping them on her own feet. Lacing up the worn boots, she admired the make of them. Strolling away, Marie smiled. "Hell, he won't need them anymore anyway."

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Marie finally found Evie huddled in one of the vehicles, desperately trying to figure out how to hotwire the car into action. Marie gently pulled Evie away and they once again journeyed through the camp.

They stopped when they heard whimpering and crying from one of the tents. Stepping through the flaps, Evie and Marie blinked in confusion. All the women that they had seen over the past few months were huddled in the tent, crying and trying to keep away from the door.

Marie shouldered her useless gun and readjusted her blanket dress, glaring down at the dozen or so women cringing on the floor. One woman stared up at them, tears running down her face.

Marie sighed. "So. You guys. Your camp is a wreck, Xenos have already started arriving, and your men will probably be dead soon. If you come with us, we'll do our best to keep you alive and get you to the point where you can take care of yourselves. All right?"

The women all stared at Marie as if she was completely insane. Then, one woman shook her head. "No. No, we'll just stay here."

Marie frowned. "Why? You're all just going to be killed if you don't do something. Do any of you even know how to use a gun?"

"No… That's why we have the men. They take care of us. They'll come and keep us safe. They care about us."

Marie shook her head. "No, they probably don't. You're good for cooking, cleaning, caretaking, and screwing. They'll be able to find more women. You're more useful in general if you can fight."

Another women, cradling a child in her arms, glared at Marie. "Men don't LIKE women that fight. Besides, if we fight, we'll get ugly like you two. Then no men will want us and we won't be safe!"

Sighing, Marie brushed her hair out of her face. "Look, you're going to get old and ugly anyway, and then they'll ditch you no matter what. Wouldn't you prefer knowing how to take care of yourselves when the time came?"

All the women just shook their heads, shut their eyes, or looked away. Marie felt fury building in her gut. "FINE. You broken down, useless hunks of humanity. I can't believe I wasted so much of my valuable time trying to help you. You wanna die? Be my guest. But first, someone had better find us some clothes."

One of the braver women stepped forward, standing toe to toe with Marie and staring down haughtily. "Or you'll do what, scarface? You can't do anything to us! There's more of us than you!"

In a flash, Marie had the woman pinned, the blade to the woman's throat. "If you don't, I'll grant your wish quickly. More of you? HA! You're all spineless cowards. You're nothing. No matter how much nothing there is, I'll win. Now, you, over there. Go find Evie and I some goddamn pants."

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Marie and Evie ran through the trees, panting heavily. They stopped, leaning against some trees, and bent over, trying to catch their breath. Evie glanced about, trying to figure out where they were.

"So. We made it. Now what?"

Marie looked around, then jumped as screams resounded in the distance. Looking pale, Marie began moving again. "Maybe we should get a bit further away and find some shelter. I mean, these shirts, while shirts, aren't exactly warm. And damn it, we need to find a Walmart and get some bras."

Evie nodded and began following close behind Marie. She winced, hopping on one foot. "Goddamn pinecones! I need to find some shoes."

Marie stopped and stared mildly at Evie. "Well. At least YOU have PANTS ON."

Evie held up her hands. "Okay, okay! I get your point, I'm sorry I laughed at you. Can we keep going now?"

Marie nodded, turned back to take the lead, and came face to face with a Xenomorph. Not blinking, Marie began backing away as Evie cowered behind her. The Xeno hissed and followed the two women carefully.

An acorn suddenly arced from the trees, hitting the beast in the head. It turned, screaming at the trees and then Marie and Evie noticed that this particular alien was missing the end of its tail. Their eyes widened.

Marie kept her useless gun up. "Evie. Is that who I think it is? Is that the same one? It's been forever!"

Evie nodded. "Yeah. That's him. But, is he bigger?"

"Eating well. Maybe he found some miracle gro."

Their conversation was cut short as their old opponent turned to stare at them again. It seemed to eye Marie warily, watching the gun in her hands. Marie smiled.

"Hey, Evie? It's scared of my gun. It remembers that I shot it with this before. I think we have an out."

Evie blinked. "But, you don't have any ammo."

"But HE doesn't know that."

Marie began backing up again, keeping herself between the alien and Evie. The creature followed slowly, then stopped. It appeared to scent the air, then turned and ran.

Marie blinked, lowering her gun. "Well. That was… different?"

Evie nodded. Then, more noises came from behind them. Marie again placed herself in between Evie and whatever was coming towards them. Evie clutched at Marie's shirt, silent.

Then, a familiar recording resounded in the trees. "Friends!"

The two women stopped and stared at the figure coming through the trees. Martello came and stood in front of them, Ninja right beside him. Martello quirked his head, then played another recording.

"How YOU doin?"

Marie blinked, then started to laugh and dropped her gun, quickly closing the distance between her and the red giant. She looked up at him, craning her neck, then she hiccupped and began to sob, wrapping her arms around his torso as much as she could.

Martello quirked his head the other way, then patted the sobbing woman on her head. Evie came forward and Martello looked at her.

Tears slipped down Evie's face and she tried to smile. "Friends?"

Martello lifted up an arm and Evie wrapped her arms around him. Martello patted her head as well. Then, he played two recordings. "Friends! Snuggles!"

Evie looked over and saw Ninja close at hand, watching them both intensely. She extricated herself from Martello, who went back to playing with Marie's hair. He'd never seen it down before.

Evie walked up to Ninja and stared at him. He stared back. Then, she wrapped her arms around his torso.

He chittered at her, seemingly confused. Then, hesitantly, he repeated Martello's action and patted her on the head. She sniffled, then began sobbing again. Ninja busied himself with fussing with her now much longer hair. Evie almost hummed at the attention.

Suddenly, Martello spoke to Ninja and they seemed to come to an agreement. Ninja scooped up Evie as Martello grabbed Marie and the two warriors set off through the woods.

Marie had begun to fall asleep, lulled by the sound of Martello's steady breathing. The warriors brought the women to a cave and settled them in there, nested on some dead leaves. The girls clung to the aliens, tears slowly stopping.

Marie and Evie fell asleep, resting against the warm bodies of their rescuers. Some time later, the girls woke to see Martello and Ninja leaving the cave. Martello turned, waved at them, and made a motion that they interpreted as "Stay here".

The women scooched together, cuddling, staring out the cave entrance into the dark night. A short while later, they began to hear horrible screams. Marie looked over at Evie, and Evie gazed back at Marie.

They both looked out the cave again, hearing a particularly loud scream that was swiftly silenced. Marie smiled, eyes narrowing sharply. Evie smiled angelically, with just a hint of vicious glee in her eyes.

They stayed awake until dawn, listening to the cacophony of screams. Soon after that, the warrior aliens returned.

Ninja came to Evie and crouched in front of her and gently held out the necklace she had been missing for months. The tiny animal skulls were splattered with blood.

Evie smiled at him and took the necklace, doing her best to rub most of the fresh blood off, before slipping it over her head. Ninja nodded, then stood, waving her up.

Evie and Marie stood, looked at each other, then followed the aliens into the early morning.


	14. Hello! My name is

Author's Note: So, because of the distinct lack of interest in our contest, we are not doing any more of them until our fragile manly egos are restored. BUT, because we had two entries, they both win! Congrats to PocketSevens and QuickStar! There will be two new one shots up in Misfit Tails soon enough.

Now, on with the show! We guarantee you will LOVE these upcoming chapters.

Disclaimer: We own some pretty awesome characters. But not the ideas that originally created them.

!)($&+!#(^&+!#%*!&+#%&$(#^&!(_#%*&!+(_#$&#_(%^+!)*^+()%*&+!(#)^&+!%*&!#(&^!$#!$&^)$&^+!)%*&+#(^&%!#+%

Chapter 13: Hello! My Name Is…

Rick pedaled along, huffing and puffing. He HATED being the scout. But, Dingo told him to do it, so he did. Squinting, he thought he saw some lights nearby. It HAD to be the large caravan.

Pedaling onwards, he saw a vehicle in front of him. It looked relatively large, perhaps a van? Some figures were moving around it. He slowed down, walking his bike along. Hiding behind some trees, he blinked his one eye, recognizing the people in the gloom.

It was the women that had been a thorn in Dingo's side since day one! He was fairly certain that they had been prisoners in the camp. This couldn't be good.

Then, two much larger figures appeared. Rick whimpered, hiding further in the bushes. It was the giant alien from before, but now with a second one! The last time he had seen one of the girls, the large alien had been with her. His brows furrowed and he scratched at the bandage covering his empty eye socket as he thought about the possibility that the women might be traveling with the strange new creatures.

The van drove off, the aliens easily keeping pace. Once they were out of sight, Rick slipped from the bushes and set his bike up once more, determined to see what had happened to the camp.

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Shortly after the sun had risen, Dingo strode into the destroyed camp. Surveying the wreckage and carnage of the once large group, the leader frowned. He had expected to come back and get to bang some bitches, not deal with a genocide.

Dingo glared furiously at the large man cowering next to him. "Patches! What the hell happened here?"

Patches scratched the side of his head. "Um, actually, my name is Rick and-"

"I don't CARE what your name is, Patches! Now tell me what happened or so help me I'll leave you as bait for the Xenos!"

Patches shuddered. "Some aliens, not Xenos, attacked the camp and killed all the men. No women or children. The crazy girls escaped. We don't know how. And I saw the girls with the two new aliens this morning. They seem to have teamed up."

Dingo's face turned into a mask of pure rage. "Those BITCHES! Friends in high places, eh? Well, I'll fucking kill the fuck out of them AND their alien buddies! I'll make them wish they'd never escaped from me!"

Patches nodded, shuffling away. He didn't want to get hit by the smaller man. Dingo paced around the camp, rounding up all the men that were left. Standing before the small group, he sneered at them. "What kinda wussy bitches are you? You let two, TWO, guys take out EVERYBODY? And, on top of that, you let those nutjobs ESCAPE?"

All of the men scuffled their feet, feeling very awkward. Dingo shook his head. "Now I gotta lead around a bunch of women! Well, I'm going to make sure you dipshits pull your fucking weight! We're going to go to all the caravans around here and go after those fucking bastards! We're going to kill those aliens, just like we kill the Xenos! Any questions?"

None of the men raised their heads. Dingo nodded and turned away. "Get the bitches and food packed up. Let's go find us an army."

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The past few weeks had been rough on Marie and Evie. They had slowly rebuilt their strength and arsenal of weapons, but it was nothing compared to the former intimidating force they had once been. Marie had been hunting down knives and they were strapped and hidden in every conceivable, and inconceivable, place on her body and in Goners. And occasionally on Evie.

Evie had recovered well enough physically, but she still struggled with what had happened to her. Occasionally she would vanish and Marie would find her sobbing, curled in on herself. Evie was terrified of every sound and almost any touch. Only Marie was able to be near her.

But, Marie kept pushing her, keeping Evie as busy as possible. The girls often had run ins with Martello and Ninja over how capable the women really were. The males tried to keep Evie and Marie behind in camp when they went to fight, but the girls did not approve of this.

Marie knew that she and Evie HAD to fight, or they would get weak again. It was because they hadn't fought that the group of men had overpowered them. It would not happen again.

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Marie and Evie slipped away from the camp, sneaking through the darkness, attempting to find a lone Xenomorph to attack. They were practicing. Suddenly, Marie halted, freezing at a small sound. She held up her arm, stopping Evie.

Evie quirked her head, whispering in the darkness. "What is it?"

Marie stared intently into the darkness. "I hear voices. We haven't seen any other humans in weeks. This can't be good."

Evie listened hard as well, finally picking up on what Marie had heard. The two began making their way towards the noises. Gradually, the woods lightened and they caught glimpses of a large group through the trees.

Evie shrunk back. "We should leave. They're going to draw too much attention to themselves. The Xenos are going to descend on here like flies on a corpse."

Marie nodded. "Let's save our Xeno hunt for another day."

Before the girls could get too far, they heard a familiar roar ring out in the night. They caught a rustling of leaves as a cloaked figure tripped and vanished into some sort of hole. The girls sighed. Marie took the lead. "Damn you, Ninja… Why always the tripwires?"

But, before them, Ninja uncloaked. Marie and Evie blinked, mildly shocked. Leaning forward, Marie tapped Ninja's arm. He looked down at her. She stared up at him. "Was it seriously Martello this time? For real? Seriously? Not some other random thing?"

Ninja stared, then nodded gravely. Marie and Evie both sighed again, facepalming.

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Ninja, Marie and Evie decided upon a plan of action in record time. Evie and Marie slipped around the group of men that was busily staring into the deep hole that Dho'mago'te was trying to scramble out of.

Marie crouched, waiting for the perfect opportunity. Then, in a flash, she hurled one of her blades into the thick of the group. A pained squeal erupted from one of the men as his shoulder oozed blood from the knife embedded in his shoulder.

Standing, Marie strolled into the clearing, Evie close behind. Smiling lazily, Marie eyed the shocked group before her. "Hey there, ladies! Going our way?"

The men blinked at her, then erupted in a fury, charging the two women. With a loud whoop, Marie charged off into the night, Evie taking off in a separate direction. As the group split, Marie hoped that Evie would run fast enough to lose the men in the woods.

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Tvrtko slipped towards the trap hole as the females took care of their roles as distractions. Leaning over, he looked down at his partner and tried not to laugh. Lowering some rope, Tvrtko uncloaked and called out. "Faru'qi and Dai'za'te did not believe it was you who fell this time!"

Dho'mago'te grasped the rope and began climbing up the slippery, muddy walls. Slipping a few times on the way up, he finally emerged, glaring at his friend. "That is because it is usually YOU that falls for such foolish traps!"

"Yes, but now it was your turn to take a tumble."

Dho'mago'te scoffed and tried wiping the mud from his body as Tvrtko looped up the rope again. They both cloaked and vanished back into the woods, hunting for their _ooman_ comrades.

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After a short time, the warriors found the scent of the females getting stronger. Tvrtko paused and scented the air once more, nodding at Dho'mago'te. "They have been through here recently. We should catch up with them soon."

Dho'mago'te set off, taking the lead towards the women. He paused, taking stock of the scents around him. He waved to Tvrtko and quickened his pace. "We must hurry. The males are convening upon Faru'qi and Dai'za'te."

The two charged forward, the forest whipping by them, silent as ghosts in the night. Cloaked, they emerged upon a cliff. There was still some distance between them and the edge. Dho'mago'te guessed that a fall from this particular cliff would be relatively harmless to a Yautja, but it was much more worrying for an _Ooman_, particularly with the rocks scattered at the bottom of the drop.

Hurrying along the cliff edge, they found Faru'qi and Dai'za'te surrounded by the males, the women far too close to the edge for comfort. The males were yelling, hurling rocks and other things towards the women, and the two women were yelling something back, spitting out their words like venom.

The two warriors wasted little time swooping in and dispatching the distracted males. Within minutes, the small group was dead, their blood seeping into the muddy ground.

Dai'za'te and Faru'qi stepped over and around the corpses, coming to the Yautjas' sides, baring their teeth in a smile to the warriors. The four trudged back to their camp, the _Oomans_ nursing the few small wounds they had received from the projectiles flung at them and tree branches.

Settling back in at camp, Dai'za'te took a watch while Faru'qi bedded down. The women had refused to sleep both at the same time any more, which Dho'mago'te and Tvrtko respected.

Dho'mago'te looked at Dai'za'te, who was staring up into the slowly lightening sky. He came to her and sat next to her, staring up as well. She seemed entranced by the points of light dotting the blackness. He did not understand why. He leaned over, trying to see what she found so fascinating.

Dai'za'te pushed him away, giving him a strange look. "What are you doing?"

Dho'mago'te quirked his head. He pointed at her and then up at the stars, rumbling at her. "I try see like you."

She looked at him, quirking part of her forehead at him. "You're trying to see what I see?"

Dho'mago'te nodded and Dai'za'te laughed quietly. Smiling, she turned back to the sky. "I'm just looking at the stars. The night sky is beautiful to behold."

Dho'mago'te quirked his head again, looking back into the sky. He forgot all the information he knew about each point of light and simply looked at the lights in the dark. He wasn't sure he understood what Dai'za'te saw, but it was enough to sit by her side and try.

The peaceful moment was ruined when Dai'za'te spotted Tvrtko inching towards Faru'qi. A look of worry came upon her face as Tvrtko got very close to the slumbering woman. Dai'za'te made a soft noise, calling Tvrtko's name as best she could, then made shooing motions at him.

Tvrtko made a small scoffing noise and scooched back away, sulking and leaning against a nearby tree trunk, pretending that nothing had happened.

Dai'za'te smothered some laughter, then looked back up into the dawn. The stars were vanishing, one by one, until red lit the horizon.

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Marie and Evie trundled along under the lightening sky. The sun was creeping above the horizon, casting a green haze through the tree branches. The two were quiet, enjoying the early morning noises caused by the few remaining animals.

Evie noticed something out of the corner of her eye. Smiling knowingly, she tapped Marie on her shoulder, leaning in to whisper into her friend's ear. "Hey, look. Over in the shadows. Do you see them? There's the two of them. They think they're so sneaky in their invisibleness."

Marie barely cast her glance, passing over the shifting waves of light in the dimness of the tree shade. She easily caught the movement, having gotten used to searching for Martello and Ninja when they were cloaked.

The slight glimmers stopped, the males clearly trying to not be noticed by the two women. Slowly, the girls diverted their path, strolling towards the glimmers. Then, just as they neared one of the two cloaked aliens, the girls each reached out a hand, playful punching at the figure beneath the cloaking device.

The humans both laughed, pulling slightly away. "Found you! Thought you could use those tricks on us, eh?"

Suddenly, a discomfiting noise resounded in the air. It was the sound of blades being released. Brows furrowed, Evie and Marie took a step back. Marie's eyebrows furrowed. "Hey, guys? Martello? Ninja? What gives? We know you're not going to kill us. Don't even try that intimidation thing. It won't work."

Then, one of the aliens uncloaked. Only, it was neither Martello nor Ninja. This one was in between their friends in height and was a strange, sickly shade of yellow brown, with more yellow than brown. The new alien snarled, stepping towards them as the second one uncloaked.

This one was more green than yellow, but still with brown mixed in. He was the one with his wrist blades revealed. Marie took her place between Evie and the new threats.

Evie stared at the slowly advancing enemies. "Holy crap on a cracker! Who knew there were more of Martello and Ninja? Ugly, too."

Marie blinked, then turned to stare behind her at Evie. "It kind of makes sense that Martello and Ninja wouldn't be the only ones around. Also, that is the ONLY thing you could think of to say? Holy crap on a cracker? Seriously?"

Evie pouted. "Hey now-"

The banter was cut off as the greenish one roared and charged them. With a shriek, the girls took off, zigzagging through the trees, darting just out of reach of the enraged aliens. Sadly, this chase did not last long.

The green one made a quick burst of speed forward, grabbing at Marie, who had raised an arm to fend off the impending attack. He pulled Marie into the air by her arm and snarled at her from behind his mask.

Marie spat curses at him, swiftly pulling out the knife Martello had given her, sinking it deep into the bicep of the arm holding her. The green one hissed, hurling Marie away and into the trunk of a tree. Marie's attacker pulled the blade from his arm and stared at it, seemingly stopped for a moment.

Marie took the opportunity to spit out a curse that she thought he would understand. Screaming, she flipped him off. "Ell-osde' pauk!"

Even though she was certain she had botched the pronunciation of her curse, it was close enough that the alien warrior bore down upon her again, snarling and hissing, picking her up by her shirt collar.

Cursing, Marie began pulling blades from her person, stabbing the green attacker as many times as she could before he removed the blade from her hand. Evie stood by, wondering whether she should attack or run for help.

The yellowish alien had come to her side by this point and reached out, easily picking Evie up off the ground. He shook her and Evie scowled. "No, I am not like the crazy woman over there. SHE is the one with the insane amount of knives on her. Not me."

The yellow one quirked his head, in confusion or contemplation, Evie could not tell. But, Evie DID manage to find one of the knives that Marie had managed to hide on her person, in case of emergencies.

Giving a wild cry, Evie stabbed the small blade down, managing to surprise her foe enough that he dropped her. She skittered away, crouching in a defensive stance. The yellow warrior was advancing upon her and Evie tried to wave him away. "Look, sorry about the stabbing thing, but I don't like being touched! I don't even know how I found that knife, anyway. Marie hides them on me while I sleep! I'm not sure how, you'd think I would wake up. But, she does it anyway."

Marie stopped her sadly one sided battle to chime in. "It's because I have mad ninja skills!"

A familiar roar broke through the trees and Ninja came darting out of the woods, knocking the yellow alien away from Evie with surprising ease. Martello also joined quickly, removing Marie from the grasp of her green opponent.

Marie and Evie sighed with relief as the two new ones backed off a little, and the four aliens spoke at each other in their strange hissing, clattering language.

Evie and Marie looked on, confused. Leaning over, Evie whispered to Marie once more. "I think these guys know each other."

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Dho'mago'te held Dai'za'te easily in his grasp, having pulled her from So'zilr's clutches. Setting the small _Ooman_ down next to Faru'qi, Dho'mago'te placed himself between the two females, while Tvrtko watched A'no'kur with a dangerous eye.

While Dho'mago'te was still trying to figure out what to say, So'zilr broke the stillness. "WHAT are you two fools doing with those _Ooman_ females? Have you forgotten what these things are? And which one of you has given the short one your ceremonial blade? And taught her some of our tongue? Not only that, but you are far from your hunting zone! You two will surely be cast out as Bad Bloods for this! And the _Ooman_s will be eliminated. Clearly they know far too much."

Dho'mago'te growled. He did not like it when Dai'za'te was threatened. "I gave Dai'za'te, the short one, my blade. She earned it through hard won battles. And I have learned much of their tongue. I wished to better learn about the _Ooman_ species and better communication was required, so I taught her some of ours as well. She, and Faru'qi, deserve respect for their victories against even the _Kainde Amedha_."

So'zilr barked out a mocking laugh. "_Oomans_ are nothing but fodder. Deserving of our respect? These… LESSER beings? I'd sooner give respect to the _Kainde Amedha_. At least THEY can kill some of the weaker of us."

Before Dho'mago'te could snarl back his response, A'no'kur stepped in. "This seems like a heavy matter. We should take this to the Elder for this region. He will decide how we should proceed."

Dho'mago'te thought this over. He could tell that Tvrtko was not pleased with this idea. Slowly, the red warrior nodded. "This is fair. We shall go. But, the _Ooman_s, Dai'za'te and Faru'qi, go free."

"No! They must face the judgment of the Elder as well. Especially if they deserve our… RESPECT, as you so claim they do."

Dho'mago'te scowled behind his mask, but gave a quick nod. He could practically see So'zilr's smug look of victory behind the mask. A'no'kur and So'zilr took the lead, cloaking and striding through the trees, quickly breaking into a run.

Dho'mago'te gazed at his clearly infuriated partner, shrugged, then picked up Dai'za'te, running to follow the quickly vanishing figures of So'zilr and A'no'kur.

Tvrtko looked down at Faru'qi. The small _Ooman_ nodded grimly and the black warrior scooped her up, easily catching up with his larger friend.

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A'no'kur loped along through the dark tunnels, feeling vaguely annoyed with how this situation was turning out. He could deal with So'zilr, even though he was one of the most insufferable males he had ever known.

But this, this was something unexpected. Here he was, trying to remain relatively unnoticed, and now he had to bring in two of the most notorious warriors around. Not only that, but he also had to deal with _Ooman_s that knew about the Yautja. And that had HIT him! Nothing damaging, but his pride had taken a blow.

This was not how he had wanted to meet his father for the first time. Rear guard to two insane warriors and their pet _Ooman_s. With So'zilr leading the whole rabble proudly, as if he were bringing in the head of a wanted Bad Blood. How could this possibly get worse?

Looking up, A'no'kur noticed one of the females acting strangely. He could smell the fear on her and notice the small twitches she made. But, other than those barely noticeable spasms, she was holding her hysteria in quite well. He gave her that.

The other _Ooman_ was talking lowly to the shaking one, trying to soothe the scared one's nerves? He could not understand what they were saying, but the tone of Dho'mago'te's pet suggested that.

Finally, they reached the main chamber in the underground complex. It was hot and steamy from the hot springs located there. Two guards stood at the entrance and So'zilr approached them.

So'zilr stood proudly. "We have need to speak with the Elder here. Let us pass."

One guard quirked his head, clearly taken aback by the presence of the _Ooman_ women. "You have no right to demand such entrance. Besides, why have you brought _Ooman_s with you to this place?"

Clearly annoyed by such treatment, So'zilr pressed on. "These two warriors claim these _Ooman_s are deserving of our respect. That they battle the _Kainde Amedha_. And they have been teaching them our ways and language. The Elder must know."

Grudgingly, the head guard nodded in agreement, allowing the small group past. A'no'kur could feel the curious and annoyed gazes of the guards as the band passed by them, heading towards a smaller, side cave where the Elder, his father, resided.

So'zilr stood before the cave opening and called out. "Elder! We have need of your guidance."

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Evie was still having a small problem breathing normally and not twitching. She hated caves. At least this one was bigger than the ones they had traveled through to get here. Suddenly, the green warrior at the front of the group made noises and struck a silly looking, dramatic pose.

Marie snorted. "Oh look. The idiot has arrived. I'm sure whoever we've come to see will be terribly impressed. Do you think he knows how stupid he looks?"

Evie giggled. "Not a snowball's chance in Hell."

Martello and Ninja set the women down on the ground and faced the cave opening, while Marie and Evie looked about, amused. Evie quirked her head. "Why do males all have to make those silly looking poses? Do they think it makes them more manly?"

Marie was about to respond when one of the aliens stepped out from the cave. He was only just shorter than Martello, which meant he towered over the others. He was a tawny golden brown shade and had a rich, red cloak that was tattered and ragged on the edges wrapped about his shoulders.

This new warrior struck the most dramatic pose of all and a few seconds later his cape began slowly fluttering as if in a breeze.

Marie and Evie blinked, watching the cape intently. Marie licked her finger, sticking it in the air, testing for any sign of a breeze that could be causing the cape to move. Lowering her arm, Marie turned to Evie, perplexed. "Evie, darling. Do you feel a breeze coming from anywhere? I can't find one."

Evie shook her head. "We're underground. Where would we get a breeze from? There don't appear to be any large holes to the surface in here."

The males were busy chattering back and forth while the caped warrior listened intently, cape still fluttering. Marie and Evie slowly scooched away from Martello and Ninja, trying to see what trick the new alien was using to make his cape move.

Finally, they got close enough and both girls gaped in surprise. Marie pointed, mouth gaping. "DEAR SWEET BABY JEEBUS!"

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End Author's Note: CLIFFHANGER! MWAHAHAHAAAAAA!

Ahem. Moving on.

So, we have three gift one shots we should be working on, once all of them get back to us. And we'll have a new Minivan chapter up relatively soon as well, within the next week or so. Thank you so much for your patience waiting for this chapter! We hope it was worth the wait.

So. We have stopped the contests for the time being, because there has been a gradual decline in interest. We're hoping that if we do them more sparingly, we'll spark more interest in them again. No, we're not really mad, it's okay. Yes, we'll have contests again. Sometime. Eventually.

Once again, thank you for your patience and we can't wait to get you all further acquainted with our FAVORITE character, the Elder. You'll all see why. ^_^


	15. Getting to Know You

Author's Note: Aaaaand we're back! From outer space! We just walked in to find you all here with that sad look upon your faces! If there were locks on the internet, we would have changed them. Do passwords count? Someone make us a remake of that song for the internet! Ahem. Anyway. We'll write stuff for you people now.

Disclaimer: We're too sleepy to write a decent disclaimer. Zzz.

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Chapter 14: Getting to Know You

Marie and Evie took turns drawing Xs and Os, playing Tic Tac Toe over and over again in the dim cavern they were hiding in. Martello and Ninja had been taking turns keeping watch, waiting to be found by the Elder and some of the other aliens.

With much patience, Martello had managed to explain to Evie and Marie that the person who Marie had tried to stab was, in fact, a very important person in their society, an Elder. And, evidently, this Elder was terribly fond of his cape. That Marie had stabbed.

Evie sulkily drew an X, blocking one of Marie's attempts to get three in a row diagonally. "I can't believe, of ALL the people you chose to stab yesterday, you pick the person IN CHARGE. Not ONLY that, but you ripped his cape and didn't actually do anything but piss him off! You're slipping."

Marie scowled darkly, drawing a circle quickly. "Oh, shut up. He was going to do something to me. I just reacted. And if he hadn't moved, it would have been fine. He'd just be limping a bit. They're sturdy guys, these aliens. I didn't want to stab the human girls because, well, they're human. And squishy. And delicate."

Evie snorted, sketching out an X. "And kinda scary."

With a triumphant grin, Marie drew a circle. "Ha! Tic Tac Toe, three in a row! I win! After 34 Cat's Games, a victor emerges! Who's slipping NOW, Evie?"

Evie pouted. "Get me a deck of cards and then we'll see who has the last laugh!"

Marie smiled sweetly. "Oops! No cards. Besides, you know the only the card game I can play is Go Fish. More Tic Tac Toe?"

Evie shook her head. "I can't believe you can never remember how to play War. It's the simplest game EVER."

Marie shrugged. "Cards are not my strong suit."

They heard a scuffling noise and looked up, expecting to see Martello or Ninja. Unfortunately, this was not the case. In front of them was one of the aliens that had captured them previously and brought them to the Elder. The quiet one who was a funny yellowy brown color, not the mean green one.

He quirked his head at them, then held out a hand, waving the two women over. Marie was in a defensive crouch, eyes darting about, searching out a possible escape. Then, the stranger alien held out his hands, giving the two girls a thumbs up and grumbling out a barely recognizable word. "Friend."

Marie blinked, then looked over at Evie. "Well? What do you think?"

Evie pondered this. "I think that if he knew the meaning of that word, he wouldn't have said it. But, this means he had contact with Martello and Ninja. So, they probably sent him to come get us."

Marie thought this over, then nodded. "I'm still keeping an eye on him, though."

The girls stood and dusted themselves off, then followed the stranger through the twists and turns of the tunnels.

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Back in the main cavern, Evie and Marie stuck close to each other as they were led through a much larger crowd of alien warriors than they had originally seen. Marie counted about fifteen of them before they were pushed towards the small chamber that belonged to the Elder.

Gulping a little bit, the women entered. There, they found Martello and Ninja. The girls smiled to see their friends, before being knocked back to reality when they spotted the Elder looming nearby. He stared at them, then nodded.

Marie went forward and sat next to Martello, looking up at him, confused. He gazed down at her, then patted her on the shoulder. Evie was settling down next to Ninja. When everyone was comfortable, the Elder began to talk.

It was a long process, but Martello translated what the Elder was saying to where Evie and Marie could pick up the general meaning.

The Elder accepted that he had been overly hasty and had invited the attack upon himself, and his cape. He was willing to forgive the insult, due to their ignorance. But, it would not due to have the two women stabbing other, less forgiving, warriors, unless the girls felt that they were to be injured or attacked. The Elder wished for them to stay in the caves for awhile, due to the fact that he wished to have Martello and Ninja assist him and his group in hunting down a Queen Xenomorph. The women would stay in the main cave, protected, and would be kept company by his women.

Marie and Evie were mildly annoyed with this arrangement. They wished to be out, fighting alongside Martello and Ninja. Even if the other warriors didn't think they were capable of doing so, both Evie and Marie were certain they could help take out a Queen. Martello talked them out of this, however, due to the fact that Marie and Evie were still not back to full strength after their winter ordeal.

Grudgingly, they conceded this point. In the end, it was agreed that, provided no one was stabbed without cause, the girls would stay in the cavern and train, to regain their strength and skill, and they would be tested to see if they were, indeed, worthy. In the mean time, Martello and Ninja would assist with tracking the Queen and killing it.

As the conversation shifted to the hunting of the Queen, Marie and Evie stood, pacing about awkwardly. They didn't want to leave without Martello and Ninja, but they weren't part of the conversation anymore. And, it was very obvious that the Elder had a chip in his shoulder about the cape fiasco.

Marie and Evie were preparing themselves to go out into the main cavern and face the other aliens, when the other girls appeared, out of nowhere.

Faith smiled at them. "Hey there!"

Marnie bustled past her and grabbed Marie's hand. "Come on, we have a cave all set up for you two! It's very nice. Perfect size!"

Marie and Evie were confounded once more. "What?"

Faith laughed. "Well, we can't have you sleeping out there with all of those boys, can we? So, we made up a cave, special for you and your guys!"

Marie and Evie shook their heads. Marie verbalized their feelings. "No! No guys! We're very not wanting of dudes in our, uh, quarters!"

The other three looked at each other, then back at Marie and Evie, and all of them burst out laughing. Marnie rubbed a tear from her eye. "Oh, you two! You're going to be so much fun!"

The trio bustled Marie and Evie off, taking them through the main cavern area, chattering the whole time. Evie and Marie felt the eyes of all the alien warriors on them, judging them.

Soon enough, in a dim corner, the other women nudged them through a shadowy doorway, hung with a cloth. Inside, there were two smaller alcoves, both stuffed with pillows and blankets. In the main area there was a large, round flat rock to serve as a table, and several rugs and pillows.

As Marie and Evie took it in, the three filed out. Faith waved and Marnie blew them a kiss, while the last girl winked at them.

Marie and Evie stood together, feeling awkward, for quite some time. Evie made the first move. "So. We still don't know the blonde's name."

Marie nodded. "Yup."

Evie moved from foot to foot. "Well. What room do you want?"

Marie shrugged. "Don't care. I'll go to that one, I guess."

Evie nodded. "So. This is awkward."

Marie sighed heavily. "No doubt."

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Marie grunted as Evie landed a solid punch to her gut. Recovering quickly, Marie crouched and whipped her leg about, knocking Evie off balance. Taking the opening as Evie recovered from her stumble, Marie grabbed for Evie and the two grappled, rolling about. Finally, Marie managed to pin Evie and twisted one of her friend's arms behind her back.

Evie pounded the rock floor. "You win! You win!"

Marie laughed, then stood, panting. Reaching out a hand, she pulled Evie to her feet easily, patting her partner on the shoulder. Marie smiled. "Damn, girl, you're getting better! Giving me a run for my money in close combat. I've still got plenty of muscle on you, though."

Evie sniffed, brushing bangs out of her eyes. "I'll get you next time, musclehead."

Marie went and picked up a small cloth, wiping her face. "Yeah, yeah. How many times have you threatened THAT one?"

Evie scowled, grabbing her own cloth. Exercising near hot springs really got them sweating. Both girls eyed the water, then the beings surrounding them.

Martello and Ninja had left long before the girls had woken. Not knowing what to do, Marie decided that she and Evie should work on getting back into shape. They had been going for a few hours now and they still didn't feel any less awkward.

The warriors in the cave were, to put it mildly, extremely intimidating. The Elder was doing his thing, being in charge, while there were five guards at the entrance, per usual. But, there were two other warriors who seemed, for lack of a better term, to just be chilling in the cave.

One was a few inches taller than Ninja, with a mottled brown coloring. He had come in early on while Marie and Evie were working out and had made a bee line for the springs. After that, he simply went off to the side of the cave, laid down, and dozed off.

The other alien was a huge monstrosity. He was just shy of Martello's height, but with far more girth to him. He had been staring intently at Marie and Evie the whole time, his massive musculature rippling under his olive green and tan skin. His coloring had earned him the nickname "Camo".

Marie sighed, leaning towards Evie. "Do you get the feeling that Camo has less than friendly feelings for us?"

Evie rolled her eyes. "I get the feeling that MOST of these dudes have less than friendly feelings for us. Haven't you seen how they act? I know we both hear them talking."

Marie shrugged her shoulders, coughing awkwardly. She HAD been hearing them. Only snippets, but she could easily fill in the blanks. They weren't liked. They were only tolerated because the Elder had said not to harm them. They were alone and without friends, save for Martello and Ninja.

Marie hung her head, rubbing her temples. "Goddamnit. First, we're hated by humans for hanging out with these guys. Then, we're hated by these guys for hanging out with them. And mostly for just BEING human. Why does life suck?"

Evie yawned. "I dunno. Cause life is a bitch?"

Marie contemplated this answer, then nodded. "I can work with that."

Sighing, the two moped for a moment. Straightening, Marie spied something interesting. The wall of the cavern was plenty tall, with lots of hand and foot holds. She decided to give Evie a chance to win at a competition.

Sidling closer to her friends, Marie nudged Evie. Evie looked up, confused. Marie smiled. "Hey, come on. Let's have a climbing contest! You know you're good at that and we need to build up our upper body strength. How bout it?"

Evie grinned. "You're on. Clean up after this?"

Marie nodded as she headed for the wall. "You're on!"

The two stood at the base of the wall, staring up. There was a large crack high up on the wall and Evie pointed to it. "The first one to the crack wins!"

Marie nodded and rubbed her hands together, readying herself. Taking a deep breath, both girls tensed and started a count down.

"Three."

"Two."

"One."

"START!"

The two women grasped onto the hard rock, hauling themselves up with impressive speed. At first, the two remained neck and neck, neither one gaining the lead. But, Marie began to tire, struggling to pull herself up on the small ledges. Evie darted ahead, laughing merrily.

Marie smiled, glad to give Evie something to feel good about. Marie was about fourteen feet, and Evie a few feet above her, just short of the crack. In an instant, Marie felt the world shift around her. Her hands slipped and she felt herself falling backwards, tiptoes clinging to the small ledge.

Time slowed. Arms wheeling, Marie toppled backwards, reaching out to grasp something, a startled shout escaping her lips. Evie looked down just in time to see the look of shock and terror on Marie's face, before Marie fell from the wall, plummeting towards the rock floor below.

Evie screamed, scrambling down the wall as fast as she could, even though she knew she'd never reach the bottom in time. Marie fell, shutting her eyes, preparing for impact. She hoped it would be quick.

But, the rock floor never came. With a thud and a sudden exhalation of air, Marie landed on something much softer than rock. But, not by much. Blinking, dazed, Marie looked about, wondering why she was only feeling mildly bruised, instead of dead.

Looking up, she found herself face to face with a mask, the same one that the sleeping alien wore. He looked at her, said something, and abruptly dropped Marie from his grasp. With a yelp, Marie only dropped a few feet, landing hard on her butt.

Groaning, she started to stand. "Damn you, rocks! You bruise my behind!"

Evie, also surprised at the rescue, ended up releasing her hold on the rocks and falling a few feet directly onto Marie, sending both of them to the floor once more. Marie groaned, pushing herself up yet again. "I don't DESERVE this! I really, truly don't!"

Evie rolled off of her friend, standing easily and offering a hand. "Thanks for breaking my fall! I'm glad you're okay. Man, he was FAST to get to you in time!"

Marie nodded, irritated. "Yeah, yeah. But he didn't have to drop me, damn it!"

Glaring, Marie scooped up a small pebble, tossing it up and down in her head. Grinning, she took aim, and let the small rock fly through the air, pinging into the back of her rescuers head. He stopped, then looked back over his shoulder.

Marie, unremorseful, stuck out her tongue for extra emphasis of her irritation. Growling, the warrior picked up his own small rock and flung it at Marie. Giggling, Marie darted out of the way of the projectile with ease, launching a counterstrike that pinged off of the warriors mask once more.

Thus, an epic battle began. Marie would chuck small rocks with amazing accuracy, while darting and dodging about the much clumsier throws of the alien warrior. Neither seemed deeply intent on harming the other. Then, Camo let out a loud snarl that startled both the rescuer and the rescuee.

Camo growled out something, turning to face both Marie and her rock flinging buddy. Then, the behemoth nodded sharply and settled back into staring out into the cavern. Marie was annoyed by the fun wrecker. And so, in another moment of brilliance, she chucked a pebble at Camo, and it hit dead on, pinging off his helmet.

Camo started and Marie laughed loudly. Until Camo roared and charged her. Yelping, Marie darted away, fleeing for her and Evie's cave, where Evie was waving at her to hurry. Running, Marie could feel the ground vibrating with Camo's footsteps.

Then, a familiar pinging noise rang out and the thundering steps stopped. Marie made it to the small side cave and looked out. The one she had been playing rock wars with was leaning against a wall, staring away from Camo. Camo had stopped in his tracks and was staring angrily at the small rock that he now held in his hand.

Snorting, Camo went back to his post in a huff, muttering under his breath. Blinking, Marie and Evie peered about, looking for who had intervened. Then, the one who had saved Marie turned his head to them and waved. Both girls smiled brightly and waved back, before ducking into their hidey hole.

A new ally had been found.

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Marie and Evie sighed, content. There was a hot spring just outside of the main cavern that had been cordoned off for use by the five women. Marie and Evie had made it a point to NEVER EVER bathe with the other three, if there was any way they could possibly avoid it. The one time they had, Marie and run shrieking from the spring, with Faith charging after her, shouting something about oil and wrestling.

Evie and Marie had finally learned the blonde's name was Alex and that she was, in reality, a woman of Hispanic origins. Hence, the roots appearing at the top of her blond hair job. With these small mysteries solved, Marie and Evie had turned to a much more important problem.

Evie stared intently at the three girls across from her and Marie. This was one of the times that the two women had been unable to connive their way out of the potentially awkward experience. She and Marie made sure to keep all their private bits below the milky water, arms crossed carefully to prevent any boob gropage by the Elder's women.

Faith, Alex, and Marnie had managed, for once, to slip into the springs at the same time as Evie and Marie. This had Marie ready to bolt and Evie a bit worried as to the potential molestation she would have to endure. But, this did prove to be an excellent time to answer a question that had been bothering her.

Clearing her throat, Evie called out to the three girls across the way. "So, how did you end up here, with the Elder, anyway?"

Faith sighed, leaning back. "Well, we three were all working at Target when all the shit went down. We stuck together, since we knew each other, and we managed to survive through sheer dumb luck."

Marnie took this time to butt in. "After awhile, we traveled around. You know the early caravans? We actually stayed at a town for awhile, one of the places that we were trying to rebuild society in?"

Faith cleared her throat. "Well, that place got trashed by Xenos. So, we three make it out and we're running and we run into this very cave system. We wandered around and got caught by some of these guys."

Marnie took over once again. "So, there we were. Scared. Alone. Unarmed. The dudes take us to their leader! They all talk and then we three are shoved in a side cave. They keep us there and feed us and we can't leave!"

Faith nodded. "After awhile, we totally get bigger. As you can tell. But, for some unknown reason, Hot Rod liked that better. One thing led to another and now we are WELL taken care of."

Evie quirked her head. "Hot Rod?"

Alex chimed in. "All we could catch when he tried telling us his name was Car, so we called him that for awhile. After a bit, we decided that was too simple for him, so he became Hot Rod. And, BELIEVE me. He DOES have a 'Hot Rod'."

Marie put her hands over her ears and began humming to herself, while Evie just cringed. The other three women laughed, shaking their heads.

Marnie seemed particularly amused. "Oh, come on! Why are you two so shy about it? It's just sex. You'd think you two were virgins the way you two carried on."

Marie glared, only her eyes and the top of her head poking from the water. Evie cleared her throat. "No, we're not… Virgins, that is. We just, well, don't like men right now."

Alex raised an eyebrow. Evie waved her away. "And we don't like girls like that. Sorry."

Alex flopped backwards, clearly deflated and disappointed. Faith quirked her head. "But, you two DO have sex with those two boys, right? The big red one and his little buddy? They sleep in your cave with you and everything."

Marie spluttered, emerging from the water, forgetting her modesty in the process. "We do NOT HAVE SEX with them! They see us as fellow warriors and friends and companions and how could sex with them even WORK?"

All three girls laughed. Marnie smiled brilliantly. "Of COURSE it works! They have all the same parts we do. Just, bigger. And MUCH better."

Alex sent her own bemused smile towards Evie and Marie. "Besides, you don't ACTUALLY expect us to believe that crock? They see you as 'friends'? You can't fool us, so don't even try."

Marie growled. "We're not. LYING."

Alex smirked. "Suuure. By the way, I LOVE the view you're giving me. I still can't believe those knockers are the real deal."

Evie was eyeing Marie warily throughout this conversation: she was getting angrier and angrier. Alex's statement was the final straw for Marie. With a shout, Marie dove for Alex, perfectly prepared to beat in the blonde's face.

Fortunately for the unsuspecting woman, Evie had been prepared and managed to wrap her arms around Marie's waist, holding the broader girl back. Alex gave a small shriek and scrambled away and all of the other three girls seemed distinctly terrified at the look of bloodlust gleaming in Marie's eyes.

Marie snarled viciously. "EVIE. Let me go. NOW."

Evie grunted, straining to keep Marie at bay. "No. We can't have you killing them. The Elder is already super pissed at you about the cape."

Marie grappled her friend's arms. "They called us LIARS. And I am SICK and TIRED of getting GROPED and HARRASSED by a posse of DITZES who wouldn't know a GUN from a shiny ROCK!"

At this point, life just got more awkward. Martello and Ninja, alarmed by the screams that emanated from where Marie and Evie had gone, charged onto the scene, ready to kill something. The Elder Zulfaqar, also worried about the screams he recognized as coming from his women, ran into the area as well.

All three warriors were confused by what they found. Marie had just escaped Evie's grasp and had Alex in a chokehold with one arm, while she reached out, grabbing Faith's hair, ready to pull her under the water. Evie was screaming, trying to pry Marie's arm loose from Alex, who was still able to breathe at least a small amount.

Marie looked up and found herself being watched by the three men. In an instant, she realized that she was still stark naked and mostly exposed above the water. With a gasp, she released both Faith and Alex and put an arm over her chest, glaring pointedly at Martello and Ninja.

Martello and Ninja nodded and immediately turned around, moving a bit further away, ensuring that they would see nothing of Marie, Evie, or the others.

The Elder, on the other hand, was perfectly happy keeping an eye on the situation. He had never seen what Marie and Evie really looked like under their clothes, and he approved of what he saw.

With a shriek, Marie flung a rock at him. "TURN AWAY, YOU OLD PERV!"

Evie had sunk under the water, face flaming. This was a worst case scenario that she had never thought would ever come true. And now, it had.

Faith, Marnie and Alex finally convinced the Elder to turn around, and that was when Marie and Evie got out, hurrying into their clothing. As soon as she and Evie were dressed, Marie walked to Martello and tapped him on the arm.

The red giant turned about and reached out, touching Marie's shoulder, chattering a few noises. Smiling wanly, Marie sighed. "Don't worry, Martello. We're fine. Just some issues between girls. Let's go back to the cave, all right?"

Faith stepped towards Evie, who was speaking comfortingly to Ninja. Clearing her throat, Faith caught Evie's attention. "So, uh, they turned around."

Evie nodded.

Faith blushed, though it was barely noticeable. "So, you guys were actually telling the truth? You two AREN'T sleeping with them?"

Evie nodded again and began walking away with Ninja, following Marie and Martello.

Faith sighed. "Well, sorry. But, it's kind of weird you aren't."

Evie glared over her shoulder. "We have our reasons. But we don't want to share them with you."

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Some time after Marie's confrontation with Alex, Evie and Marie had forgiven the three women for their lack of faith and for their incessant molestation. The women all began getting along relatively well.

However, one day, Faith came to both Evie and Marie, who were busy lifting rocks to try and gain back more muscle.

Faith waved to them. "Hey! You two! Could I talk to you for a moment? It's pretty important."

Marie and Evie looked at each other and set their rocks down, nodding. The three went into Marie and Evie's cave and sat around the makeshift table.

Marie sighed, wiping sweat away. "What's up, Faith?"

Faith shifted, clearly feeling awkward, which was strange. "Well, Hot Rod has been talking with Marnie, Alex and I, and we all felt like we should warn you."

Evie quirked her head. "Warn us of what?"

Faith cleared her throat. "Well, Hot Rod told us that he'd been hearing about some of the guys, well, taking an interest in you two. They all know better than to mess with Marnie, Alex and I, but you two are relatively fair game."

Marie frowned. "What do you mean?"

Faith sighed, fussing with her hair. "You see, some of the guys want to know why Hot Rod is so into human girls. It's not normal for them, you know. At ALL. He's different. But, he's an elder. So what he does is pretty much okay. They want to see what he likes about it."

Marie and Evie blinked, not quite grasping what Faith was trying to say. Faith groaned. "Basically, stick close to your guys, or some other dude is going to think you're open for business, as it were, and take one of you for a ride."

Evie stared in horror and began trembling. Marie wrapped an arm around Evie, pulling her terrified friend close. Marie stared at Faith, who seemed confused by Evie's actions. Marie snapped her fingers to get Faith's attention again. "Hey! Would they be willing to do it by force?"

Faith snorted. "Well, DUH. Do they LOOK like the most conscientious and gentle of people?"

Evie choked back a whimper, and Marie rocked her gently. "Shh, Evie. It's gonna be okay. I'm not going to let it happen again. I promise. You're gonna be fine."

Marie sighed and turned back to Faith. "Would you leave us? I need to take care of this."

Faith nodded and stood. "Just remember. Stick near Big Red and Darkie there. Hopefully no one will challenge them for you. If that happens, and another one wins, you're screwed. Literally AND figuratively."

Faith left and Marie continued comforting Evie. Finally, Evie returned to her normal self. Gulping large breaths of air, Evie smiled at Marie. "Thanks."

Marie nodded. "No problem. Now, we gotta think of what to do."

Evie frowned. "Do?"

Marie stood, pacing. "Yes. We gotta convince the other guys to let us be. That we aren't free game."

Evie nodded. "But, I don't want to do anything really overt… And I'm NOT sleeping with Ninja OR Martello. Or the Elder for that matter."

Marie nodded. "Well, what can we do then?"

The two thought deeply, Marie still pacing. Then, Evie sucked in a breath. "I think I know."

Marie stopped her movement. "What is it?"

Evie gave a small smile. "Just gotta do the little things."

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Dho'mago'te and Tvrtko paced along in the dark tunnels, keeping a sharp eye out for any sign of the Queen they were hunting. As they came to an intersection, Dho'mago'te tapped into his wrist computer, trying to decide where to go next.

Tvrtko, suddenly, spoke. "They are acting strangely."

Dho'mago'te knew who 'They' were. "Yes. They are."

Tvrtko turned and looked at his partner. "What could have brought this on?"

Dho'mago'te looked up from his computer thoughtfully. Dai'za'te and Faru'qi had been sticking surprisingly close to them recently. The women would follow them and talk with them far more often than they had before. But, the strangest was the physical contact.

Dho'mago'te had been trying to ignore it, but he had been greatly pleased that Dai'za'te had willingly come to him recently. She would embrace him warmly and had taken to snuggling up against him at night to sleep. The most amazing change had taken place in public. Occasionally, Dai'za'te would actually place herself in his lap and talk to him, or another, nearby.

Tvrtko had been having similar occurrences with Faru'qi. She wasn't as physical as Marie, but even she was doing far more than she used to. She would sit near him always and stayed next to him at night. She had even reached out and grasped his hand, to slow him if he was walking to fast. While Dho'mago'te gladly embraced the change, Tvrtko found himself in a losing battle against the attention.

The two warriors stayed lost in their own thoughts as they finished their rounds and headed back towards the main hall. They had to make their report to the Elder.


	16. Something Witty and Clever

Author's Note: Hey guys! Sorry for the long delay between updates. We were very tired of writing after having to do multiple papers for Finals. We just needed to focus on those and then take a break.

BUT! Now that it is Winter Break, we fully intend to be writing like maniacs. Our goal is to FINISH HERO IS A CHEAP LABEL. That's right! We want to finish this guy off. There's only going to be 20 chapters, and we don't foresee any new plot twists, so it should be done in 4 chapters!

We'll continue adding to Minivan Escapades, because we love it dearly, and we know you guys do too. We'll probably have one more contest, just before the end, so be prepared.

With that said, let's get this ball rolling again!

Disclaimer: Nothing is owned by us. But, we DO have fabulous new haircuts! We own those.

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Chapter 15: Something Witty and Clever

Marie stretched and yawned, tugging on her shirt. She didn't know how long it had been, but she was getting tired of being underground. It was always dark and she missed the sunlight. Everything seemed better in the sun.

She waited for Evie to finish dressing and pondered. She and Evie had been all over Martello and Ninja for some time, probably a few weeks if she were to guess. It took that much to stop the awkward stares from the other warriors around them.

She had no doubt that being alone with the other fighters was becoming a worse and worse idea. Particularly when it came to Camo. Marie frowned, fussing with her hair. It was getting too long.

Camo was becoming a serious problem. She knew that he watched her and Evie. She had felt the stares more than once. Several times she had turned around, only to find him right there, close to her. He followed her and Evie around, when he wasn't in the tunnels.

"Seriously creepy."

Evie blinked, looking over at Marie. "Who or what is seriously creepy?"

Marie sighed. "Camo."

Evie nodded sagely. "Ah. Yes, yes. He is. Best to keep an eye on that one."

Marie hummed in agreement, then grabbed up her things as Evie picked up hers. The two began walking towards the exit, to head back to their cave. Marie hesitated as she caught a glimpse of something moving out of the corner of her eye.

Camo had been waiting for them. He reached out, grabbing the back of Marie's neck, and lifted her up. Marie screamed, flailing wildly, as her belongings fell from her arms to the ground.

Evie shrieked and charged, desperate to save her partner. Camo spotted her coming and backhanded her, sending her flying a small distance away.

Camo turned and pinned Marie to the wall by her neck. He held her with enough force that she felt her throat being constricted. It was hard to breath. She gasped, desperate for air, clawing at the large hand holding her in place.

Camo gazed at her, quirking his head, before he reached out with his other hand and tore the front of Marie's shirt. Marie barely managed to make an indignant squeak as her torso became exposed to the cold tunnel air.

Leaning in, Camo gazed at Marie, almost curiously. Reaching out, he appeared ready to continue his vendetta against Marie's clothing. Fortunately, Evie had recovered enough by this time to send a rather sizeable rock flying through the air, slamming hard into Camo's helmet.

The warrior reached up, trying to stop the vibrations the rock had sent through his helmet, as he turned to face Evie, loosening his grip on Marie. Taking her opportunity, Marie snatched at one of her knives. With a snarl, she plunged the five inch blade deep into Camo's shoulder, just above his collar bone and below his neck.

With a thunderous roar, Camo dropped Marie, reaching towards the knife lodged in his upper torso. Marie landed with a solid thud, and she was automatically on the move, rolling away into a crouch and sprinting towards Evie.

The girls darted away, legs pumping, flying across the uneven stone, desperate to escape. The tell tale crashes of Camo's footsteps resounded behind them and the girls put on an extra burst of speed.

Unfortunately, Camo was still faster. He reached out and snagged the back of Marie's shirt, dragging her backwards. Screaming, Marie charged forward, shrugging out of the remains of her shirt, left in just her bra.

Evie waved to Marie, calling to her. "Marie! Come on! We can't stay down in the cave! Let's try and get up this pillar here! I think he's too big to get up it!"

Marie nodded, panting. She hated running. Evie had already begun scaling the spiraling stalagmite, and was several feet in the air by the time Marie began to follow her.

The two climbed quickly, leaving Camo on the ground. They finally stopped when they were twenty feet up. Clinging for their lives, the girls trembled, watching the warrior below them. He was too big to get his hands and feet in the cracks that Marie and Evie had used to climb up.

Nodding, Camo wrapped his massive arms around the pillar and began scooching up the stalagmite slowly, using his sheer muscle strength to keep him going. It was slow progress, but effective.

Marie and Evie screamed for help; the noise echoing around them. The two began pulling out chunks of rock, flinging them towards the slowly advancing alien. He would stop momentarily, shake his head, and then continue on up.

Then, Camo was being dragged back down, away from the girls. Blinking, Marie and Evie watched as their rock flinging buddy and the yellow brown one pulled Camo down to the ground. The two smaller warriors began speaking to Camo and it sounded like a distinctly angry conversation.

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D'bravko was less than happy. He and A'no'kur had been trying to find the new women, and had been rather perturbed to find Ta'adwa harassing said females. It was not a favorable position to be found in, considering the Elder Zulfaqar's fondness for _Ooman_ women. Tvrtko and Dho'mago'te wouldn't be pleased either. It was simply not a good idea.

So, when the two slightly smaller Yautja were able to drag Ta'adwa off the stone pillar, both were distinctly irritated. D'bravko spoke first. He felt the most defensive towards the new women, since they were a great way to break up the monotony. Drawing himself up, he rumbled low in his chest. "Ta'adwa. What are you doing? You know those females are off limits, as stated by the Elder."

The broad giant quirked his head. "Trying to see what's so interesting about _Oomans_."

A'no'kur stiffened. "Why would you feel the need to do such a thing?"

Ta'adwa crossed his arms. "The Elder has his _Ooman _women. Now, the Elder allows more _Oomans_ in, and protects them. These things must have some interest to them, or else he would not bother. I wish to understand what makes these things special."

D'bravko growled. "You do not need to explore these things. The Elder gave an order. Either accept it and obey it, or challenge him officially. Now, leave this place. It's almost your turn for patrol."

Ta'adwa stood quietly for a bit and both D'bravko and A'no'kur were concerned he would attempt a fight. Now was not the time or place for such things. But, the burly warrior simply turned and walked away, vanishing into the tunnels.

D'bravko sighed, as he looked up towards where the _Ooman_ women were hiding. The two were staring down at him, clearly startled and bewildered. If this wasn't such a serious situation, he would find their small, squishy facial expressions amusing.

Grunting, A'no'kur crossed his arms. "So. How do we get them down? We must return them to their cave soon."

Circling around the pillar, D'bravko contemplated this conundrum. Then, he reached down, picked up a small rock, and tossed it up, bopping the shorter one on the head. She made a strange yowling noise and flailed an arm his direction.

D'bravko grinned behind his mask. The one Dho'mago'te called Dai'za'te was definitely an enjoyable creature to be around. He flung another rock and she repeated her actions, before looking down at him. Her face changed again, rapidly, into the strange teeth baring grimace he had come to associate with her good moods.

She jabbered to the other one, Tvrtko's pet, before Dai'za'te began to clamber down. The other yelled, then grumbled and slowly followed. As Dai'za'te hit the floor, she faced D'bravko, seeming to size him up.

D'bravko gazed down at her, enjoying watching her face change. _Oomans_ had so many expressions they could make. Finally, Dai'za'te strode up to him, nodded, and punched him lightly on the arm.

It was clearly meant as a gesture of camaraderie, and so he punched her back. This had the unfortunate effect of knocking Dai'za'te over into her partner, Faru'qi. They landed in a tangle of limbs and shrieks. Wincing, D'bravko noted, once again, that _Oomans_ were small and weak, and he shouldn't hit them at the force he would a fellow Yautja.

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Zulfaqar was not pleased. D'bravko and the other one, A'na'kar?, had given him a disturbing report. He did not approve of the fact that Ta'adwa was questioning his judgment. Perhaps a beat down was in order. It would be good for morale.

He sat with Dho'mago'te, Tvrtko, D'bravko, and that last one. Clacking his teeth, he began. "I have learned that there is dissent about your _Oomans_, Tvrtko. Dho'mago'te. Something needs to be done about this. My suggestion? Just claim them officially. You really are just dancing about the issue."

D'bravko sighed. "That won't work. The others will simply challenge Tvrtko and Dho'mago'te for them if they really desire the women."

Elder Zulfaqar looked taken aback. "They never did with ME."

Shaking his head, A'no'kur addressed his father. "That's because you're an Elder."

Nodding, Zulfaqar contemplated this. "Yes, yes… Thank you, Na'nawonk. Any other suggestions?"

Dho'mago'te was sitting silently, thinking over the options. "We cannot leave them alone. Perhaps they can come in the tunnels with us? They have healed and can fight."

The elder waved the idea away. "Not possible. This is OUR hunt."

The five sat in silence for some time, each one thinking as hard as they could for ways to keep the tiny _Oomans_ safe. Finally, Tvrtko spoke. "It seems our only option is to have one of us near them at all times. It will be inconvenient, but I see no other solution."

The others stared at the floor or the walls. Slowly, one by one, each of them nodded. It was the only solution. Elder Zulfaqar took charge. "Well, if that is the case, we must make shifts to watch them in. I will ensure that you are on separate shifts, so that two of you are with the women at all times. I must go and work this out with my second. Until I call for you, carry on with your business."

As Zulfaqar swept out of the room, the other four stood. Dho'mago'te sighed. "These things just seem to get more and more complicated."

Tvrtko snorted. "And I blame YOU for that."

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Marie and Evie lounged around the floor, bored out of their minds. Sighing, Evie rolled onto her back. "Hey."

Marie, busy braiding her hair, sighed. "What?"

"What should we call them?"

"Who?"

"Those two guys. You know. Rock flinger and that other guy."

Marie stretched, also turning onto her back. "Hm. Well, rock flinger is Bravo."

"Why?"

"Cus. That's what it sounds like to me when they say his name."

Evie nodded. "Fair enough. Then, I say the other one is Anchor."

Marie thought on this, tapping her fingers on the ground, then bobbed her head in acceptance. "Cool. Works for me. But, what should we call the Elder?"

"I'm not calling him Hotrod, that's for sure."

Both girls made a face at the thought. Sighing, Marie began messing with Evie's hair. "Well, how about Elder Pimp?"

"Eh. I guess that would work. He does have a harem."

Marie giggled. "Besides, all he needs is a pimp hat and a pimp cane, and he's ready to rumble. He already has a pimp cape."

Evie snickered. "Keep yo' pimp hand strong, Elder Pimp!"

Shadows loomed over them and the girls stopped their laughter, as they looked up at Martello and Ninja. Sighing, Evie sat up. "Well, I guess it's time to get down to business, na?"

Marie rolled onto her stomach and let out a puff of air. "I guess. I don't wanna."

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Marie sighed. She didn't mind having her hair stroked. That wasn't the issue at hand. It was that she wasn't comfortable with the person DOING the petting. It was just so personal. She didn't feel that her relationship with Martello was to the hair petting stage yet.

She was lounging in Martello's lap, while he had an arm loose around her waist and his hand would occasionally find its way into her hair. She didn't know why he was still so fascinated with it after this long.

At least she had entertainment. Marie watched through mostly closed eyes as Evie stalked about the edges of the main cavern, hunting for Ninja, who had cloaked himself to hide from her and her insistence that he cuddle with her.

After some time, Bravo waved Evie over. She trotted to him and he made a casual gesture at a place along the wall she hadn't checked yet. Marie's eyes slid shut as Martello found a particularly nice spot on the back of her scalp to gently scratch at. If she could purr, she would.

As Marie opened her eyes, she watched as Evie lunged, seeming to latch onto a random piece of air. Evie crowed in victorious delight, even as she was being flailed about through the air by an invisible Ninja, who was attempting to dislodge her and run away again.

Evie scowled. "WHY must you be so difficult about this? I like it just about as much as you do. We just gotta deal with this until we can get outta dodge. Now, stop this nonsense!"

After some time, Ninja uncloaked and allowed Evie to lead him to the random group around the fire. Ninja sat and Evie settled beside him, leaning into his side. Ninja turned to face Bravo and gave him a look of utter loathing and suffering.

Marie chuckled. "Good job, Evie. Keep it up and one day you may not HAVE to hunt him down. Much."

Scowling, Evie made a face at Marie. "Well, maybe next time, I can be the one that just sits and gets petted and YOU can try and find this jerk."

Marie yawned. "Sorry. That's not how it works."

Evie sniffed and began to sulk. Seeming to sense her distress, Ninja looked down at the woman at his side. Then, awkwardly, he patted her on the head gently.

Evie cringed. "I HATE being patted…"

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Evie darted around a corner, hiding in a small cavern in the wall. She listened carefully as the footsteps increased, then faded. She had found this hiding spot awhile ago, and had been waiting to use it until the proper time. THIS was the proper time.

Sighing, she slipped back out of the hole and began walking silently away from her follower. She and Marie had gotten VERY irritated recently. They didn't appreciate being followed and watched every moment of every day.

"Treating us like damn two year olds, that's what. Well, try and watch us NOW." Evie huffed, crossing her arms. She knew that Bravo, Anchor, Ninja, and Martello didn't mean any harm by it. They were keeping her and Marie safe. But it was tiresome.

Continuing her rambling walk, Evie struck a pose. "Marie and I are full grown WOMEN! We have been on our own for YEARS! We don't need BABYSITTING. I mean, REALLY."

Evie peered up and down the tunnel, double checking the trail she had carefully laid to guide her back to the main cavern. Nodding, she continued on. It would be nice to have some time alone. Even Marie was grating on her a bit. She needed her alone time. And some sun wouldn't be bad, either.

"I'm sick of this… Living like gorram MOLE PEOPLE."

She stopped her walking, quirking her head, listening. She would swear she had heard something. Perhaps a shift in the air, or the slightest scuff of a foot on the ground. But, in a flash, she knew she wasn't alone.

Whirling about with a yell, she slammed her fist into an approaching object. Her arm was grabbed, though, and she was hauled upwards. She began thrashing, kicking, flailing wildly. She looked up at her captor. It was Camo.

She stared in vague horror at the hideous, crab like face staring down at her. The yellow eyes, the mandibles, the face and head that were so damnably ALIEN. While the warriors had their helmets on, she could forget what they were. She couldn't handle this.

"LET ME GO! MARIE! NINJA! HELP!"

Her screams echoed in the caverns as she fought. The panic was rising in her throat, dread filling the pit of her belly. Her movements were wild. She couldn't think. She just wanted to get away. Run. Flee. Escape.

But Camo's grip was firm. She couldn't pry his fingers off of her wrist. The other hand reached out, capturing the one free hand she had. Easily, he held both of her wrists in his one hand. Evie's panicked thrashing increased.

Evie's screams continued resounding in the hollow air.

"HELP!"

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Marie padded along, vaguely lost. Grumbling to herself, she trudged onwards, hoping that she wasn't getting herself more lost.

"I KNEW I should have listened to Evie. Shoulda marked my way back. I was busy! I didn't have time to stop and mark my way. I mean, really. I'm slower than her! Maybe we shouldn't have split up…"

Marie's steps slowed as she came to a branching of the tunnels. She quieted herself and listened. She could usually tell the sounds of the main cavern from any other, and get back all right. But, something else assaulted her senses.

It was faint. Echoing. But it was screaming. It was Evie. She would know that voice any time, any place. Marie's body went stiff. Why would Evie be screaming? Was she under attack? Hurt? Dying?

Marie charged down the tunnel furthest to the right. She followed the sounds of the screams as best she could. Sometimes she had to back track, having gone the wrong way. She had never felt so lost. The echoes of the screams saturated the air, haunting her.

She knew it would be no good to try calling back. The extra echoes would confuse her, get her lost even more. So, she ran on, heart pounding, terror fueling every stride.

Finally, the screams began sounding more real, and less like echoes. Charging forward, Marie pulled one of her knives. She knew she wasn't supposed to stab anyone without due cause, and that she had been asked to leave her blades behind. Fat chance of that. She refused to go out unarmed.

The knife felt good in her hand as she turned a corner. In an instant, she absorbed what she saw and wanted to retch in horror. Camo had Evie. He was TOUCHING her. Evie was still thrashing, screaming, trying to keep him from her. Her top was torn, hanging from Evie's shoulders. Camo was reaching towards her jeans, his intent clear.

Marie saw red. NO ONE touched Evie. She had promised Evie. She had to protect Evie. That was all that mattered. She didn't slow her running. Camo began to turn, hearing Marie's steps. With a snarl, Marie sunk both of her blades deep into the warriors body. One in the side, just under his ribs, the other right next to his spine, aiming for the kidneys.

Camo roared, swinging his free arm towards Marie, to smack her away. But, Marie was already pulling her knives from him, dragging them down and out as she slid between his legs, rolling to stand between Evie and the monster.

In a flash, the knives darted towards Camo's unprotected torso and stomach. Camo dropped Evie, in order to step back in time, away from the deadly edges. Marie managed to score a shallow slash across his stomach.

Evie sprawled on the floor, panting, trying to recover. Marie was in a crouch, a rumbling growl coming from her throat. Camo gazed at Marie, clearly wary. The two circled each other, watching. Evie pulled herself to the wall, trying to stand on wobbly legs.

Camo broke the slow dance first. Roaring, he charged Marie, who was ready for him. She darted out of the way, slipping under his reaching arms. She got another stab into his chest, then she crouched, darted her other knife towards the back of his knee.

Sensing the danger, Camo dropped to one knee, allowing the knife to rake across the back of his thigh and up to his hip, avoiding having his tendon sliced, which would have crippled him completely. But, he failed to notice that Evie had recovered.

Before he could defend himself, Evie brought a large rock, about the size of her head, down on top of his. Camo wobbled, not expecting the blow to his cranium, but Evie didn't give him time to recover, bringing the stone down on his head once more.

The second blow sent him toppling over. He was still conscious, but unable to recover properly. Evie brought the rock down on his head once more, while Marie went in for the kill, knives ready to rip his belly open from crotch to sternum.

A roar resounded in the close quarters, halting Marie and Evie's death blows. Turning and staring, they saw the Elder striding down the cavern, cape billowing with every step. He reached them, staring intently at the weapons raised against Camo.

Marie scowled. "Due cause! Due cause! Can't get mad at me for stabbing him!"

Evie was quiet and gently set her rock to the side. The two girls scooched away from the unconscious warrior as the Elder leaned down and picked up his subordinate by his neck. The girls stood and Marie sidled closer, tapping the Elder on his arm. He looked down at her and she smiled.

Holding up one of her knives so the Elder could see, Marie waved it at Camo. "So. Can I stab him again? Just one more time, I swear."

Elder Pimp quirked his head. Then, after a moment, he nodded. Marie giggled, then buried one of her knives deep into Camo's upper thigh. After twisting it around for a few moments, she dragged it back out, slowly. She nodded, pleased.

Elder Pimp patted Marie's shoulder, before walking away, carrying Camo easily in one hand. Marie made her way towards Evie, who was curled in a ball on the floor. Crouching down, Marie reached out and gently touched Evie's face.

Evie looked up to Marie, tears glittering in her eyes. "He… He tried to…"

"Shh… It's all right. I won't let him touch you again. I'll protect you. Always."

Marie sat for a long time, holding Evie as she shivered. Evie had many bruises and a few shallow cuts from Camo's nails. For the most part, she was fine. But this couldn't go on. It wasn't safe. Marie swallowed, more terrified than she'd been in a long time. What if she hadn't gotten there in time? What if there was a next time?

Evie broke the dark silence of the tunnels. "We can't stay here anymore. They'll keep coming. We're not safe."

Marie nodded, then helped Evie up. Together, the two women warriors trudged back to their cavern, quietly contemplating the steps they could take.


	17. Maximum Awkward Capacity! GO!

Author's Note (OF DOOM): Hey all! So, here we are. We are nearing the end of this journey. Three chapters left. Yes, we are counting down. Not because we don't love this story, but because we have more exciting ones to come!

So, down to business. We wanted to ask YOU people what you would like for a final contest idea. If we get no responses, we'll just do another seek and find. Only we'll try to make it more difficult.

Second order of business, the Minivan Escapades WILL continue to follow the adventures of Evie, Marie, Dho'mago'te and Tvrtko. Yes, it will go all the way through the Epic Story of Epic Awesomeness. No, that is not the official name.

Third order of business, we are going to be taking a small hiatus from AVP while we organize and get ready to rumble on the next story. Don't worry, there will still be some Minivan updates and we will be working on our HP stuff, which you may or may not care about, but that's okay.

And lastly, we are going to be doing the Evie and Marie back story, which will only be about 5 or so chapters long. THEN we will begin with Juanito! And NO. The one shot was NOT the beginning of the story. As we said, that one shot was just to gauge how people would react to it.

All that being said, let's party!

Disclaimer: Nothing is owned. BLAH.

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Chapter 16: Maximum Awkward Capacity! GO!

Dho'mago'te sighed. Another fruitless day of searching for the _Kainde Amedha_ queen. She was certainly here somewhere. But so far, none of the warriors had had any luck finding her. They'd found several empty nests, and plenty of her children, but not the queen herself.

Tvrtko walked next to him, silent as ever. His partner was deeply frustrated by their inability to track this queen. This had never been a problem before. The dark warrior didn't like being foiled in his endeavors.

Entering the main cavern, Dho'mago'te and Tvrtko were startled by A'no'kur and D'bravko running up to them. D'bravko spoke first.

"Dho'mago'te, Tvrtko. We tried to stick with them. We didn't know they were going to do that!"

Dho'mago'te frowned behind his mask. "Do what? What has happened?"

A'no'kur and D'bravko were silent. Tvrtko startled them all by speaking.

"Where is Faru'qi?"

A'no'kur took the lead. "Faru'qi and Dai'za'te have vanished. We were with them, and then they were gone, vanished into the tunnels."

D'bravko cut in. "We heard screams coming from the tunnels we thought they were in. By the time we had hunted it down, all that was left was a blood trail. And it was Yautja blood. We've yet to find them. And the Elder has vanished."

Tvrtko and Dho'mago'te were still. Silent. In an instant, Dho'mago'te had his hand around D'bravko's throat. Growling, the larger male brought D'bravko close. "If ANYTHING has happened to them… Anything at all. I will take it out of YOUR hide."

Dho'mago'te turned to look for Tvrtko, but the black warrior had already vanished into one of the tunnels, a shadow on blackness. Rumbling, Dho'mago'te threw D'bravko to the side and charged into a different tunnel, hunting.

Recovering quickly, D'bravko and A'no'kur followed, splitting into separate directions. No stone was overturned, no place was left unsearched. Finally, Tvrtko caught a sound and followed it to a narrow crack in the wall.

There, sitting just inside the entrance, was Dai'za'te. She had her blades out, hiding in the darkness, a dangerous rumble low in her chest. Tvrtko held out his hands, a gesture of peace. Faru'qi's voice came from behind Dai'za'te, a strangled whisper.

Activating his tracer, he waited for Dho'mago'te and the others to make their way to him. Dho'mago'te arrived next and tried to get near. Reaching out, he attempted to hold Dai'za'te. The small _Ooman_ snarled and pulled one of her blades, her growling increasing.

Dho'mago'te stepped away, copying Tvrtko's hand gestures. As A'no'kur and D'bravko arrived, Dho'mago'te filled them in. "You two. Do NOT come closer. Dai'za'te has gone into a battle frenzy. She WILL attack anything that gets near. As small and frail as she seems, she CAN injure you severely. And she will."

A'no'kur and D'bravko nodded, taking a few steps back. Dho'mago'te continued. "You two go and try to find the Elder. Inform him of what we have found. We will stay here with the women. Go. Now."

The other two warriors ran off, splitting up again to try and find their leader. Dho'mago'te sat down next to Tvrtko and the two of them waited, watching. What had happened while they were hunting in the tunnels?

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Tvrtko could only remember one or two other times in his life that he had been this infuriated. After awhile, he and Dho'mago'te had managed to get the women out of the small niche in the wall and back to their sleeping cave.

But, the girls wouldn't be separated. The two were sleeping now in one of the beds. Dai'za'te still had her blades out. He and Dho'mago'te sat outside the bed chamber, in the center cave, while A'no'kur and D'bravko waited outside, guarding the entrance from any other Yautja.

This shouldn't have happened. They had done everything they could to keep the females safe. And yet, still, Ta'adwa had made advances, TWICE now, and had almost done serious damage to Faru'qi this time.

Tvrko clacked his teeth irritably. He didn't even want to imagine what Ta'adwa had intended towards Faru'qi. He hated thinking of Faru'qi so helpless. At least she and Dai'za'te had managed to defeat Ta'adwa and escape. He was pleased that they hadn't killed the other warrior. He wanted to do so himself.

Dho'mago'te's low, rumbling voice broke through Tvrtko's haze of anger. "My friend. We can't have this happen again."

Tvrtko nodded. He knew THAT.

More silence. Sighing, Dho'mago'te went on. "Perhaps… It is time that we take the Elder's advice. At least, if they are officially ours, then the others must challenge US first. Right now, all they have to do is beat them."

Tvrtko nodded again, stomach roiling. Faru'qi wasn't unpleasant, really. He deeply respected her. But…

"I don't know if I can."

Dho'mago'te quirked his head. "Why not?"

Shifting uneasily, Tvrtko crossed his arms. "They're just… So weak. Fragile. We could break them easily. And they are so unattractive."

Dho'mago'te shrugged. "Well, at least we don't have to worry about potential off spring, according to Dai'za'te. Something about too much difference between us. Too weak or something."

Both of them stopped for a moment, trying to imagine what their children with Faru'qi and Dai'za'te would look like. Both of them gave identical shudders. It was slightly disgusting to think about.

Shaking his head, Dho'mago'te spoke. "I know it will be difficult, but we have to do this. It's the only option left. I know you don't want to, but would you rather Faru'qi harmed that way by another? Who is careless with her? Could hurt her far more, by not knowing how delicate they are?"

Tvrtko didn't want that. He wished only for Faru'qi to be safe. Why did these decisions fall to him? He hadn't wanted this. Stupid Dho'mago'te and his "science."

He turned his head and peered into the darkness, finding Faru'qi's heat signal. She was sleeping relatively peacefully. He sighed. This was not going to be fun.

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Marie sighed. She was sore, tired, and hated having so many cuts. Since she and Evie had beat Camo, the attacks had increased. The other fighters had found out about their victory, and this interested them.

She and Evie were constantly on alert. They were attacked if they were alone. Even if they were together, if one of their defending alien warriors weren't there, they were attacked. Even if one of their friends were there, only one wasn't enough to keep the others away.

Marie sighed. "We're interesting to them now."

Evie rolled over, yawning. "What now?"

Stretching, Marie let her herself relax for once. "Us. By hurting Camo, the others have taken notice. We're interesting now. I know you've noticed all the attacks."

Evie nodded, curling up against Marie's side. "I wish we weren't. I want to go back to how it was before. I was okay driving around, being a herring. And spending the winter with Marv. We were safe then. As safe as we could be with the Xenos around."

Marie nodded. "I know."

Evie sighed. "And even our friends are acting weird. You've noticed how they are now. They're weird. They're always so close. It scares me."

Another sigh in the darkness. Marie shifted. "Well, maybe they're just nervous after that stuff with Camo. It's just cus they care. In their own way."

Evie nodded, and yawned again. Marie smiled and gave her friend a hug. "Come on, let's get some sleep. We need to be at top game. Gotta be ready to take those bastards on."

The girls settled in, calming down. They stayed awake a little longer, thinking, before sleep claimed them.

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The steam billowed in the small area and Marie sighed, stretching her sore muscles. The hot water was doing wonders for her stress levels. Evie was nearby, also sighing in contentment at the steamy water.

Yawning, Marie noticed a hand waving from around the side of the rock formation that kept the pool hidden from sight. Wading over, she recognized the shade of the skin as Martello's. She called out to him. "What is it, Martello?"

A recording played. "Come here!"

Marie blinked. "Why?"

A new recording. "We need to talk."

Groaning, Marie turned to Evie. "Hey. Will you be okay? I need to go talk with Martello. The other three guys will be here. They'll keep you safe while I'm gone."

Evie nodded. "You go ahead. I'll meet you back in our sleeping cave. I'll be done soon."

Marie waved, then clambered out of the water. Shivering, Marie dried off and dressed quickly, wanting to get back in the warm water. Padding around the side, she smiled up at Martello. He nodded his head to her, before walking away.

Marie followed at his side. At the entrance to the bathing cavern, Martello nodded to Tvrtko. Marie quirked her head. What was that head nod all about?

Shrugging it off, she and Martello continued on, back towards the sleeping cave. They neared it and Martello waved her ahead. Slipping into the small, main cavern, she felt Martello behind her.

Turning, she stared up at the behemoth. "What is it?"

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Evie stretched, splashing about the water. Sighing, Evie sunk lower in the water, sulking. Why had they gone off without her? Thinking she's so delicate and fragile…

Sitting back up, Evie groaned. "I suppose I should actually get out of the water and do something now…"

As she readied herself to get out, she heard footsteps coming around the side of the rocks, coming towards the pool. Shrieking, she crossed her arms over her chest and sunk into the slightly murky water. Who dared to come in here?

But, she relaxed. It was only Ninja. Evie frowned. What did he need? Clearing her throat, Evie called out to her friend. "Hello? Ninja? What's up? Do you think you could go back behind the rocks and let me change?"

Ninja stared at her for a moment, then came closer to the pool, slipping into the water. It was at this point Evie noticed his lack of armor and weapons. And began to panic, just a little bit. The LAST time one of them had come at her without weapons or armor, it hadn't been pleasant…

Ninja came closer and Evie backed away. She had no escape.

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Tvrtko stared down at Faru'qi. She was afraid. HE was afraid. He didn't want to be here. He didn't want to touch her. But… He HAD to do this. He had to protect her from the others. She kept stepping away from him, towards the side.

He stepped closer. Maybe he could talk to her. Explain to her what was going on. Why he was there. That he didn't want to harm her. That he didn't even want to be doing this. He knew he shouldn't do this. But it was the only way to keep her safe.

He reached out to her. Dho'mago'te had said that perhaps touching would calm her, as long as he did it right. His hands reached out, stopping just shy of her, then jerking back. He COULDN'T DO THIS. But, he steeled himself. He was a warrior! He couldn't be scared of merely TOUCHING a female. An ugly _Ooman_ female, but still.

He reached out again and barely brushed a hand against Faru'qi's shoulders. She screamed. He pulled his hands back, heart pounding. All right, he couldn't do this. Damn the rest! She was scared, terrified. He was horrified. Enough was enough.

Gulping, he tried to explain. But, in a flash, she had her burner under his chin. He knew that at this range he would die. Even with his helmet on. Faru'qi scrambled away, clothing herself, her weapon still leveled at him. He stayed still. A wrong move would set her off. He didn't want to get shot again.

She backed away, around the corner, and then she was gone from sight.

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D'bravko sighed. This could possibly count as one of the more awkward moments in his life. A'no'kur stood a short distance away, apparently unruffled by the turn of events. Crossing his arms, D'bravko listened for any sign that things were going well.

A'no'kur shifted. "Is it supposed to be this quiet?"

Shaking his head, D'bravko slumped in defeat. "No… It's probably not going well at ALL."

A shriek resounded in the air, startling the two warriors guarding the entrance. D'bravko smiled, chuckling. "Never mind! It's going well."

A'no'kur blinked behind his mask. "Screaming is a good thing?"

Smirking, D'bravko nodded. "A VERY good thing."

Shortly after that, Faru'qi came sprinting past them with a weapon out. Before either warrior could jump to grab her, she was gone. Quirking his head, D'bravko sighed. "Well, perhaps it wasn't going as well as I thought."

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Dho'mago'te stared down at the small face peering up at him. Really, he hadn't wanted it to come to this. He sat down on one of the lounge pillows and waited for Dai'za'te to join him. She did, chattering at him. She wanted to know what he wanted to talk about.

It was now or never. He had to do this. He had to keep her safe. Mustering his courage, he twisted, grabbing Dai'za'te's wrists and pushing her back, until she fell.

Her eyes were huge, wide, staring at him in surprise. Then, she began wriggling under him, yelling at him. She was very displeased.

His free hand reached out and brushed against her face. She turned away, yelling still. She was so soft. Maybe he should try explaining what he was doing?

Wracking his brain, he searched for the proper _Ooman_ phrases he needed. "I try help. Keep you safe."

She stopped fighting quite as much. But, she was still incredibly angry. She wanted to know how this could help. And she called him many things he didn't know. He'd ask about it later. "I do thees. Others have fight me. Then you. Safer."

Dai'za'te gave him one of her funny faces. Really, he didn't know how she made so many. He repressed his desire to poke at her face. Now was not the time. Dai'za'te spoke. She didn't care if it was safer. She didn't want this.

What could he do? He wanted her safe. But, he couldn't force her. Sighing, he pulled away, settling back in his sitting position. He hoped she would forgive him. She lay still for awhile, before sitting up, sighing. She stared at him, and then stood. Before she walked away, she gently punched him in the shoulder. All was still okay.

Then, Dai'za'te stiffened. She asked about Evie. Was Tvrtko doing the same thing to her? Dho'mago'te shifted uneasily, then nodded. Dai'za'te scrambled to the cave entrance and slipped out.

Dho'mago'te groaned, then stood. Could the day possibly get worse?

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Marie glanced around desperately. The stupid aliens! Of COURSE they'd think this was the only option left! Marie sighed. "He better not have gotten too far with Evie… Otherwise-"

Suddenly, a blur sped by Marie. It was Evie. Marie whirled about and began to follow, calling out to her friend. "EVIE! EVIE! STOP RUNNING! GET BACK HERE!"

But, there was no response. Evie was in full panic mode. Marie charged after her. Evie made it to the main cavern entrance and was gone into the tunnels. Cursing, Marie sped up, trying to catch up. As she passed through the entrance, Marie wondered where all the guards were. There were usually five. Now, there weren't any.

Shrugging it off, Marie continued on, struggling to keep Evie in sight. The two vanished into the tunnels, beginning a long trek up to the surface.

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Dho'mago'te ran out of the sleeping cavern, searching for Dai'za'te. She was nowhere to be found. Tvrtko ran up, turning his head from side to side in an attempt to look in all directions. "Dho'mago'te, have you seen Faru'qi? She ran off…"

Dho'mago'te sighed. "It didn't work well for you either?"

Tvrtko grunted. "Have you seen her or not?"

Shaking his head, Dho'mago'te began jogging towards the main cavern entrance. "Perhaps they have tried to make their way to the surface. Come, we can still catch them."

Tvrtko followed, but just as the two got close, the Elder Zulfaqar caught up to them. He growled low in his throat. "WHERE are you two going?"

The two younger warriors faced their leader. Dho'mago'te spoke, knowing Tvrtko's temper was getting short. "We were going after our _Oomans_. They've vanished. We think they've gone to the surface. We should be back soon."

The Elder shook his head. "No. I need you here. We have found sign of the Queen. We need you for the hunt. I will send D'bravko and that other one up after them. That will be their punishment for losing them the last time."

"But-"

"NO." The Elder glared at them as he turned. "We hunt soon. Prepare."

The two warriors stood by the entrance, shoulders slumped. What if D'bravko and A'no'kur didn't find the women in time?

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Evie curled around herself, staring at the fire in front of her. It had been about a day since she and Marie had made it to the surface. It took them quite some time to readjust to the sun light and being outside. But, they managed.

Marie walked up, holding more firewood. She was grumpy that they hadn't had time to grab supplies. It was getting cold. The leaves were changing, so they'd been in the caves all summer. They were out of ammo, Marie had been losing knives from having to fight Xenos with them. No blankets. No food. Things were not looking good.

Sighing, Evie ignored the growling in her stomach, trying to find a more comfortable way to sit. She missed the pillows. And the hot springs. It was nice to bathe every day.

A rustling within the bushes surrounding their campsite sent both women into their battle stances. Marie crouched, knives drawn, including her special one from Martello. Out of the bushes came two figures.

Marie and Evie gaped. "YOU GUYS!"

There before them, were Jedi and Sketchers, with identical looks of shock and amazement on their faces. Jedi stepped forward and so did Marie.

"How did you guys make it?"

"Where have you been?"

"You wouldn't BELIEVE what's happened to us!"

"I bet our stories are better!"

After a bit, they all calmed down. Marie smiled and waved the two fellow humans forward. "Welcome, welcome! This is our camp."

Jedi and Sketchers looked around skeptically. Clearing his throat, Jedi smiled. "You have a lovely fire, darlin'."

Marie smiled sheepishly. "We kinda had to leave quick. Forgot to pack some stuff."

Laughing, Jedi and Sketchers sat. Sketchers slung his pack off and dug around, pulling out a huge can of ravioli. "Here, we can share! And we've got some more clothes if you guys want."

Evie nodded. "Sweaters! Please! It's gotten cold."

After everyone was clothed warmly enough and had had something to eat, Jedi looked at the girls seriously. "You know, Sketch and I are heading out to catch up to a caravan. Defense job. We'd appreciate you two tagging along. We know you're good and could use the extra fire power."

The girls sat and thought. Sighing, Marie spoke. "I don't know if that's a great idea… Not that we don't want to, mind. It's just… We might have some less than savory people following us. We don't want to get you guys wrapped up in it."

Jedi smiled. "Hey, don't worry about us. We're all friends, right? We'll help you, no matter who's following you or the trouble you're in."

A voice cut through the chill air. "What a great sentiment."

Out of the shadows came Dingo. Smiling, he waved his men forward, surrounding the camp. Stepping closer, Dingo winked at Evie and Marie. "Long time, no see ladies. How about we go get reacquainted?"

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End Author's Note: We are terribly, awful, mean, evil people. Poor Tvrtko. We don't feel sorry for Evie, Marie, Dho'mago'te, or anyone else. But Tvrtko doesn't deserve the things we put him through. Look at him! Curled up in the fetal position in the corner over there. We broke his brain a bit. The poor squishy snuggle bucket. Send him hugs. We'll make sure he gets them. Ta!


	18. LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR!

Author's Note: We spoil you. No more! We're going to get everything written up, then post them a bit later on. Bit by bit. So, TANTALIZING. Wahahahaaaa! And, so far, we still have only one suggestion as to what the competition should be. Come on, folks. We want your input! Now, on to the chapter.

Disclaimer: Nothing owned. Obviously. We make no monies.

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Chapter 17: LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR!

Marie sighed, thunking her head against the ground repeatedly. Evie was busy testing the knots on the ropes binding her hands behind her. Both girls flinched as they heard the grunts of pain coming from Jedi and Sketchers. Dingo's henchmen were busy beating up on the two men across the clearing.

Marie wiggled about, rolling to face Evie. "We're in some deep shit, my friend."

Evie nodded. "It's a problem."

"How are we getting out of this one?"

"Dunno. It's not looking too good."

Marie rolled back over, gazing at the men working to set up the camp. She grumbled to herself. She seemed to be finding herself at the mercy of people FAR too often lately. This trend simply couldn't continue. She had a reputation, after all.

Nearby, some hapless crony was inching towards a cage, holding some bread. Wincing, he reached out and gently placed the piece of bread on top of the wire. Suddenly, there was a flurry of motion, and a strange, monstrous shrieking sound. The minion scrambled away and the other workers nearby all took an involuntary step back. Soon, the bread was gone and movement subsided in the wire mesh cage. Marie blinked. What the hell had these people caught? Some sort of new alien?

A short time after the cage incident, one of the men that had taken the first shots at Jedi and Sketchers strolled over to them, attempting to whistle, and failing. It was the man that the girls had affectionately dubbed Patches. Both women glared up at him.

Smiling, Patches crouched down. "Hello! How are you two doing? Comfy? Good. Dingo sent me to check on you."

Marie's face was deadpan. "How kind of you. I am smitten by your charm."

Frowning, Patches poked at Marie's face. "That's not very nice. I think. Anyway, once we get camp set up, we'll be getting you ladies inside. And THEN the fun can start up. Dingo is very excited."

Evie cut in. "I'm sure. It's not like he can get a woman any OTHER way than rape."

"Hey! That's not cool. Those kinds of things are what got you into this in the first place. All you had to do was listen to Dingo, and he woulda been nice. But, nooo. You two just had to shoot off your mouths. And now, he gets first dibs on you, and I get second. I'm sure it's gonna be great!"

Marie snarled, whipping her bound feet around and nailed Patches in the side, knocking the air out of him and sending him sprawling on the ground. As Patches scrambled away, Marie screamed after him. "Go ahead and TRY it, you asshole! I'll rip your dick off and shove it up your ass! See how YOU like it! Yeah! THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!"

Patches towered above the trussed up girls, scowling. "You know what? Maybe Dingo wouldn't mind if I taught you some manners first."

As he reached down to pick up Marie, a small object came flying out of the trees and smacked Patches in his one remaining good eye. Screaming, he tumbled backwards, clutching his injured eye.

With a yelp, he tripped over the cage that everyone in the camp seemed to fear, falling onto it and releasing whatever was inside it. With a resounding sqwuark, a typhoon of white feathers burst forth, lunging towards the already stunned and wounded Patches.

After causing sufficient damage, the ball of feathers charged across the camp, all the men fleeing before it. Marie watched, wide eyed, as it began coming towards her and Evie. Rolling away, Marie attempted to shield Evie. "Evie! Close your eyes! They're more vulnerable than mine!"

As Marie cringed, she heard a much softer noise and then the feeling of something tugging at the ropes around her wrists. Startled, Marie turned her head to gaze at whatever was going on behind her.

There, plucking at the strands of the rope, trying to loosen the bindings, was Binford. Marie gaped. "BINFORD! I thought you were dead! Or a delusion thought up by me when I was a bit more insane than I am at this particular moment in time. What are you doing here?"

The chicken stopped, gave Marie a look, then went back to loosening the ropes. Marie stared at Evie, dazed. "Hey, Evie?"

Evie still had her eyes scrunched close. "Yes?"

"I thought that Binford was a figment of my imagination."

"Nope."

"Well, you said he was dead. That Link killed him. At the time, I didn't question this. But it now seems much more suspicious."

The ropes fell from Marie's wrists and she pulled them around to her front, rubbing the life back into her blood deprived hands. Reaching down, she made quick work of the ropes on her ankles, then proceeded to release Evie.

As Evie sat up, the camp was in complete chaos. Something was attacking the camp and the screams of dying men resounded in the air. Binford was still on a rampage and the campfires had spread, setting some of the camp ablaze.

Marie helped Evie up and leveled a serious look at her. "Evie. What happened with Binford?"

Evie coughed nervously. "Well. Um. You see… Is this really the time for this? So much to do, you know. Like… Freeing Jedi and Sketchers! Men need rescuing."

Marie huffed. "Fine. But AFTER we rescue the males in distress, we're having a discussion about this."

As Marie turned to head towards the area they knew Jedi and Sketchers to be in, another white blur darted in front of them. Marie stopped, startled. There, once again, was something she had thought to be a figment of her insanity.

"Jimbob?"

The Great White Squirrel stared at her calmly, before bobbing his head and darting off, vanishing into the fray of people and battle. Marie stared after it, deeply confused. "Evie?"

"Yes?"

"How many of the things I thought were figments brought on by insanity are actually real, live things?"

"Far too many of them. Anyway. Jedi. Sketchers. Coming to the rescue."

Marie nodded and started forward again. "Yes, yes. Goodness, I feel oddly reassured and disturbed at the same time. It's nice to know I wasn't as crazy as I thought…"

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Marie sliced through the last of the ropes binding Jedi and stood, arching her back. "I am so sore. Bleh. I can't wait to blow this popsicle stand."

Jedi stood, rolling his shoulders and nursing some bruises. "You're telling me. I feel like a piece of meat someone was tenderizing for dinner. Good thing there aren't any broken bones… I think. I'm pretty sure. Well, maybe my nose…"

Evie helped pull Sketchers to his feet and the man groaned. "Speak for yourself. I have NEVER hurt so bad in my LIFE. Why do I hang out with you people?"

Jedi chuckled, patting Sketchers on the shoulder. "Because if you didn't, you'd be dead many, many times over. Now, let's get some gear and get out of here. I still dunno how all this ruckus started in the camp."

Marie and Evie looked at each other and shifted awkwardly. They certainly had a guess as to why the camp was under attack and by whom. Sighing, Marie pulled out another knife. She had been pleased to find that the ones she had left hadn't been put very far away.

Twirling her blades, she watched people running by, panicked, fleeing from whatever force was slaughtering them viciously. Then there was a familiar voice that, when they turned to look, was matched to an equally familiar face.

"Stop running, you pansy bitches! They're wrecking camp! You fucking fuckers! Get back here and fight!"

Marie's face darkened. She gazed over at Evie, who was bandaging some of Sketchers' injuries. Evie looked up, nodding. She had heard him. Standing, Evie came towards Marie. Jedi grabbed Sketchers and began pulling him away. "Don't worry about us, girls. We'll wait for you outside of camp."

Marie popped her knuckles, then her wrists and neck as she walked slowly towards Dingo, who was still desperately trying to maintain order.

But, a flicker of movement distracted Marie and Evie from their task. Turning, they watched as the one wreaking havoc in the camp uncloaked. There, with a bloody spear, was Bravo.

Marie frowned. "Bravo. Go away. We've got stuff to do. And we're still mad at Martello and Ninja!"

Bravo quirked his head, then waved a hand back in the direction of the caves. Crossing her arms, Marie gave him her meanest look. "Now, you listen to ME. Evie and I have gotten nothing but crap from that guy over there, and we fully intend to finish this before he can start it again. THEN we may consider going back."

Bravo 's shoulders slumped and he gestured helplessly towards the caves' direction once more. Marie shook her head. "No. Look, if you want to be helpful, make sure those two guys don't end up dead. We like them. They're friends of ours. Got it? DON'T. KILL. THEM."

Bravo looked at the mildly terrified men Marie was pointing at, and nodded. Walking over to the men, he stared down at them a moment before turning his back to them and taking a guard position. Giving a sharp nod to Evie and Marie, he recloaked.

Marie sighed and Evie turned to Jedi. "Look, just stay put, okay? Bravo will keep you safe. We'll be back as soon as we put this to rest.

Jedi blinked, but waved at the girls. "Well, you go on then. Come back. And good luck. Dingo is a wily one."

Marie snorted and turned, following the sound of Dingo's shouts. "Believe you me, we knew that fact already. This time, he's done for."

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Marie watched Dingo carefully. He had probably three guys with him, trying to restore order. Evie crouched next to Marie, holding a wooden tent pole in her hand. She had grabbed it on the way to get Dingo. Not the best weapon, but it would do.

The girls nodded to each other, splitting off. Marie went to the front of Dingo's group and waited to spot Evie in position. When she saw Evie waving to her, she smiled. It was time to get this party started.

With a shout, Marie charged forward, drawing the attention of Dingo's remaining men. They all turned, focusing their fire while Marie dodged and darted away, slipping behind some trees. The men ran after her, trying to take her out before she could cause any more trouble.

Dingo watched this, suspicious. The crazy bitch would be done for. Those were his best men. No way could she take out all of them. But, the other one…

Before Dingo could think further, Evie swept in from behind, whipping her staff down and around, knocking Dingo off of his feet. Before she could bring the pole down onto his head, he rolled and scrambled to stand, turning and glaring at her.

Evie frowned. Then, she bared her teeth in a snarl that Marie would have been proud of. "DINGO! We're finishing this. Either I die, or I take your head back to camp on this stick!"

Dingo smiled, pulling out a revolver. He aimed it towards Evie's torso carefully. "I am going to enjoy blowing a new hole in you, sweetheart!"

Evie just smiled back. "Only if you can hit me, dumb shit."

Dingo frowned, then pulled the trigger. But, Evie was already on the move. Living with the alien warriors certainly had its perks. After keeping up with them for a few months, Dingo was nothing if not slow and inefficient.

Dingo fired off a few rounds before noticing Evie had moved, charging towards him. Pulling the gun around, he fired more, snarling. He HAD to have hit her this time.

Only not. Evie was closer, bearing down on him, death in her eyes. This wasn't what he had expected. Whipping the weapon around once more, he squeezed the trigger. An ominous click sounded. He stared down at his gun, then cursed. He'd forgotten to keep track of how many shots he had left. He was out.

He ran from Evie, trying to reload. Evie would have none of it. Making her way around him, she aimed her stick and swung, slamming it into his wrist, sending the gun flying. The jostling also made him drop his ammo and he stepped back in time to avoid another blow. Cursing, Dingo pulled out the bowie knife strapped to his thigh. "Goddamn you, bitch! I'm going to stick you then watch you bleed out like a deer!"

Evie laughed. "I'd like to see you try, pig. You haven't lived up to any of your threats so far! You're just a sad little man who can't do anything but be a bully. Not attractive, I must say."

With a bellow, Dingo charged, blade at the ready. Evie crouched, staff still. This was where things got tough.

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Marie dodged behind another tree, barely avoiding a bullet to the brain. Cursing, she stayed low, circling the camp. She'd been in the trees for awhile now and she still hadn't lost them. They were more tenacious than she'd given them credit for.

Then, an idea formed in her brain. Smiling, she sprinted into the camp. Darting around the debris, as gunfire ricocheted around her. Finally, she spotted what she wanted. Running by Jedi and Sketchers, she called out to Bravo in the small amount of their language she had managed to pick up. "Bravo! Kill three! There!"

And on she went. Mere seconds later, she heard the death cries of the men that had been stalking her and the bullets stopped flying. Grinning, she made a sharp turn and sprinted for where Evie was fighting against Dingo, mano a mano.

Pulling out two of her knives, she readied herself. She couldn't WAIT to put Dingo out, once and for all.

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Evie hoped Marie would come back soon. She'd been standing up pretty well to Dingo so far, but her staff was close to being done for. He'd been making good head way with his bowie knife, taking chunks out of it, trying to get her defenseless.

Glaring hard, Evie gauged where his next strike would fall. Instead of risking breaking her weapon, she dodged, landing a solid hit to his side. He grunted in pain, but recovered quickly, swinging the blade. Evie danced backwards, her shirt getting caught in the knife's path, but nothing more.

As Dingo turned to face her once more, the sound of rapid footsteps became louder. Dingo's eyes widened and he turned, barely blocking Marie's initial strike. Marie jumped back, readying her stance again.

Marie and Evie both circled Dingo and he stared at them, eyes panicked. Marie smiled sweetly. "What's wrong, Dingo? Don't you like being in the middle?"

Dingo was less than amused. "Shut up, you damned crazy bitch! I don't need to take crap from traitors!"

Marie quirked her head. "Traitors? To whom? Evie and I have always been on the same side. OURS."

Dingo laughed. "Bullshit! You're traitors to the human race! Being with those alien FREAKS. We were just trying to civilize you up again."

Marie stared at him, then began laughing hysterically. Dingo frowned, getting angrier and angrier. "WHAT'S SO DAMNED FUNNY?"

Wiping her eyes, Marie stood straight again. "First of all, we are the human SPECIES. Not race. Second, why should we care if we betray other humans? They'd do the same to us. Third, I find that I don't LIKE most humans now a days. And fourth, rape doesn't count as civilizing."

Twirling her blades casually, Marie continued. "Besides, at least those alien bastards aren't NEARLY as ugly as YOU, Hobo face."

Dingo snapped. With an enraged howl, he charged her, knife swinging. Marie grinned, and the duel began.

Knives whipped through the air, singing as they slashed by. Dingo sliced through Marie's arm, she returned with two cuts across his torso. Back and forth, each one giving the other a few more cuts, but never enough to kill, which disappointed both of the knife wielders deeply.

Evie would occasionally but in and smack Dingo in the head, the back, or the shin. But, those blows were fleeting, and more to distract him than anything.

After some time, Marie and Dingo faced each other, breathing heavily and bleeding all over. Marie straightened and nodded to Evie. It was time to end this. Dingo failed to notice the silent communication between the women as he charged forward again, hoping to knock Marie off balance and over power her.

Marie set her stance and she locked blades with Dingo. He smiled down as he tried to force her to the ground. "This is the END, Psycho bitch! Sorry we couldn't go another round in bed together."

Evie charged in and slammed the staff as hard as she could into his lower back, breaking the stick in the process. Howling in pan, Dingo whipped around, trying to grab the now unarmed Evie, to use as a potential hostage.

As soon as his back was turned, Marie went in with both knives. Before Dingo could even touch Evie, Marie had lodged both blades deep into his back, past his ribs, puncturing both of Dingo's lungs. She had been waiting for this a long time.

Dingo coughed as Marie withdrew her blades and wiped them clean. Stumbling forward, he fell to his knees in front of Evie. Evie smiled, crouching down to look him in the eye. "Honey, you NEVER went a round with us."

Marie pushed him forward from behind, accelerating his delayed, drawn out fall. He was panting, desperately trying to fill his torn lungs with air. Looking up, he saw both of them, laughing at him. Evie turned to walk away and Marie waved, going to follow.

Marie looked back at the panting man on the ground, hacking up blood and smiled. Calling back, Marie went for one last dig. "Besides, you were always too late to party, anyway."

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Marie and Evie strolled up, feeling much lighter. As they padded up to where they left Jedi, Sketchers, and Bravo, they found a scene of mild chaos.

Sketchers was on the ground, passed out with a puddle of vomit nearby. Jedi was standing over him in a protective stance, carefully watching as Bravo tore the skull and spine out of the second of the guards he had killed.

As he busily polished the skull clean of hair, skin and muscle, Marie glowered at him and Evie went to talk to Jedi. Jedi smiled wanly at her as she approached. "Hey there, girl. How'd it go?"

Evie smiled. "Fabulously!"

"He dead?"

Marie called over. "Only if he can somehow magically heal two punctured lungs! In which case, he's much tougher than originally thought and we should probably hack out his heart or brain or something."

Evie gasped. "His head! Oh, I said I would take it back on a stake! I should go back and do that. Can I borrow a knife, Marie? A big one. Gotta get through the neck."

As Marie began to rummage through her clothes for a knife best suited to hacking off a head, Jedi waved his hand. "No! Nonono, that's fine. I'm sure he'll be dead. Very dead. Soon. No need to hack off anything!"

As he said this, a disgusting slurping, squelching noise came from Bravo's direction. Everyone turned to look at him. He paused, realizing he was being stared at, with the skull and spine only partially removed.

Evie crossed her arms as Marie giggled. "Bravo! Really. We have GUESTS. Go take that elsewhere. Look! You've already made one of them ill. Shoo, and come back when you're done."

Bravo quirked his head at her, then shrugged and walked off behind a small patch of trees. The squelching noise resounded once again and Jedi made a strange urping sound, clearly trying not to hurl. Evie hollered after Bravo. "WE CAN STILL HEAR YOU!"

A string of curses came from behind the trees and Bravo came stomping back out, shaking the spine and freshly cleaned skull at Evie, chattering grumpily. Evie sniffed and waved him off, turning to tend to Sketchers and explaining things to Jedi.

After a very short and not so sweet explanation, Jedi looked worried and amused. "So, what are we going to do now, girly?"

Evie sighed. "Well, maybe you two should just head on towards that caravan. Scavenge what you can here, then move on. We have unfinished business back in the caves."

Jedi shook his head, reaching down to sling Sketchers over his shoulders. "No way. We're sticking with you. Friends are friends, and it's hard to find good friends in this world. We're with you, all the way."

Evie smiled and nodded. "Then let's get going. Got places to be, aliens to placate. Come on, Marie. Bravo. It's time to go."

Bravo stood there awkwardly, clutching the skull in his hands, looking down at it, sulking. Marie patted his arm. "It's okay. I think it's a lovely trophy. Good job."

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Bravo had led them back quickly and had ushered the humans deep into the caves with ease. Marie and Evie kept their long strides going, but Jedi and Sketchers, who woke up eventually, had a hard time keeping up. As they reached the main cave, Jedi sucked in a gasp.

He hadn't really understood just how MANY of these things there were. All of them just about as big as the one Marie and Evie called Bravo. How had the girls LIVED with them for months? How were they not DEAD?

Marie and Evie were nonplussed. The warriors could strut and pose all they liked. Together, they were unstoppable. And the aliens had better not forget it.

Bravo took them through the cave, then darted off, leaving the humans on their own. Evie yelled after him "Hey! You jerk! Get back here! I can't BELIEVE he just DITCHED us!"

Marie shrugged. "We know where we're going anyway, and it isn't the first time. Come on."

They made their way to the Elder's cave. In the cave, Faith, Marnie and Alex lounged on pillows, nibbling on some food. They looked up and squealed. As a collective, they swarmed Evie and Marie. "You're back! We missed you! We thought you didn't like us anymore! Why did you leave?"

After a moment, the three left Marie and Evie, mobbing Sketchers. "Ooo, he's so CUTE! And awkward! Love awkward cutie pies!"

Jedi laughed at the look of confused horror on Sketchers' face. "Well, buddy, you are hitting the mother lode. Good job! I'm so proud."

Suddenly, a rumble filled the cave. The Elder had arrived. Jedi took a step away from the three women and put his hands in his pockets, trying to appear as non threatening as possible. Sketchers looked about ready to faint again. The three girls were non plussed.

The Elder finally shooed the girls off of Sketchers, mildly disgruntled that they had failed in their one duty, to shake his cape so he could make grand entrances. After he had them occupied with something else, the Elder looked down at Evie and Marie, crossing his arms.

He began speaking then. He asked why they had left. Marie took charge. "We had unfinished business to attend to."

Elder Pimp looked unimpressed. Marie shrugged. "And we had some bad run ins with Martello and Ninja. We'll work it out later."

The Elder nodded, then pointed towards Jedi and Sketchers, asking about them. Marie shrugged. "They're allies. Friends. Partners. Don't hurt them. They're under OUR protection."

Elder Pimp contemplated this, then nodded. He told them that he would tend to them further later, but he had something very pressing to worry about. Marie and Evie nodded, then left, Jedi and Sketchers trailing behind them.

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After settling Jedi and Sketchers in one of the side caves, Marie and Evie busily discussed the events of the past few days and the next steps they would take. Suddenly, Martello and Ninja came running in, panting.

The girls looked up and blinked, finally Marie waved. Martello went over and knelt next to her, playing a familiar recording. "Friends?"

Marie smiled. "Yes, we're still friends. We're still mad at you, but friends forgive each other. But, you two have to sleep out here now. Jedi and Sketchers are in that room. Don't go there."

Ninja growled and Martello quirked his head. Marie pointed to the side cave. "They're friends of ours. We're taking care of them. Don't hurt them, got it?"

Martello and Ninja peered into the shadowy nook, where Sketchers cowered away from them and Jedi gave an awkward smile, waving. The two warriors looked back to the women. Marie raised an eyebrow. "You got something to say?"

Martello shook his head and sat down grumpily. Ninja stood in the corner, watching Evie. She pretended not to notice. Awkward silence reigned over them all.

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Awhile after the introductions, Marnie came skipping in. "HIIIII! So, Hotrod is ready to talk to you now. And bring the cuties! I mean, the people we're not supposed to molest. Ever."

Marie and Evie nodded. Marie called out to them. "Hey! Boys! Come on. We've got a meeting with the big boss. Time to go strut our stuff."

Jedi walked out, looking remarkably calm. "But, I'm terrible at my catwalk walk. I haven't practiced in such a long time."

Marie chuckled. "Well, practice on the way over. I'm sure the aliens will enjoy the view. Or, maybe not."

The four followed Marnie back across the main cavern. All the eyes of the warriors were on them. It was mildly unnerving.

They escaped the stares as they went in front of the Elder once more. He nodded to them and gestured for them to sit. As soon as everyone was settled, the Elder began. He wanted to allow them on their hunt for the Queen.

This would prove, in front of the other warriors, that they were warriors in their own right. He didn't expect or want them to help take down the Queen. Just to keep the drones at bay, proving they could best the Xenomorphs in a battle. THAT is what would impress the others.

He said he would understand if they wanted to back out. They would still be protected. But, the safest they could be was as equals among the fighters. Marie, Evie, Jedi and Sketchers took this all in calmly, contemplating.

Sketchers was terrified. But, he would go along with whatever Jedi said. Jedi had kept him alive this long. Jedi shrugged. It was worth a try. And it's not like he wasn't used to doing it anyway. Marie and Evie smiled, nodding. They'd been waiting for this chance to prove themselves.

The hunt would begin soon. They had to prepare. Going back to the sleeping caverns, the four humans gathered their weapons and ammunition, things they had scavenged from the camp before their return.

The call went out. Taking a deep breath, Marie and Evie gazed at each other, then at Jedi and Sketchers. It was now, or never.

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Author's End Note: We are shocked and appalled that you people thought Dingo had just died somewhere. Honestly. What kind of authors do you think we are? We don't leave threads like that hanging. OBVIOUSLY Marie and Evie were going to kill him. Eventually. It just took awhile. We expected better from you. Harumph.

And thanks for the Tvrtko hugs! Every time we manage to pin him down, we give him one. He'll get better eventually.


	19. This Idea Looked Better On Paper

Author's Note: Sooo. Here we are. Second to last chapter. Are you ready for this? We hope so. It will be epic hard core awesome. ALSO! Contest! Your mission is to find WORDS in the breaks. You all should know the rules by now.

You must find! A full sentence that has been hidden within. The words will be in all capital letters, and the message is complimentary. The first one to message us with the sentence wins a gift one shot! The words will all be in order already, so you just need to find them. ALSO! There is a bonus word. It is random, if you aren't in our region and don't know our slang/sayings. It will come after the sentence. Whoever finds it also gets a gift one shot. No, you can't get credit for both. We want two winners.

Disclaimer: We own NOTHING. BLAH

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Chapter 18: This Idea Looked Better On Paper

Panting, Marie glared carefully into any and all dark corners of the corridor, including the ceiling. The bodies of Xenomorphs littered the ground before her. Swiping an arm across her sweat soaked forehead, Marie checked in on her partners.

Overall, she, Evie, Jedi and Sketchers hadn't done too badly for themselves. They were low on bullets, but otherwise unscathed. The four had held the main corridor from the Xeno drones while the alien warriors had moved on in pursuit of the queen.

Growling, Marie shouldered her gun. "All right, people! We should move ahead to catch up with the main group, per orders. We've got a bit of a lull now, so we should turn and run while we can. If THIS doesn't prove to them what we can do, nothing will. Now, let's move!"

Charging off, Marie followed the blinking lights on her wrist communicator. Before they had moved out, she and the others had been given some rudimentary equipment from the warriors. Wrist guards to find their way, some basic spears, wrist blades for her. Her favorite thing was something that Martello must have been working on in secret.

He had taken the basic warrior helmet and had taken most of the metal off of it, so it looked more like goggles than anything else. It allowed them the same range of vision as the warriors, which was invaluable in spotting the drones in the tunnels.

The humans had heard some of the alien warriors complaining about the fact that they got weapons, but Elder Pimp had countered that the warriors had had about the same on their first blooding hunt, and to keep their traps shut. Marie and the others deeply appreciated the fact that the Elder was so firmly on their side. It was a priceless asset.

The four ran through the dark, close tunnels. The stench of blood, carnage and death clung to everything around. They kept their eyes on the move, peering for any sign of their prey. But nothing dropped from the ceiling, darted out from a crevice, or charged at them screaming. It was odd. Marie didn't like it.

They charged into the main cavern, having caught up sooner than they had thought, or wanted. There was the main team, wrangling the Queen as best they could, with drones pouring in from everywhere. One warrior had gotten his spear through the Queen's tail. The other warriors were trying to avoid the flailing limbs and talons, attempting to stab through her limbs. So far, it wasn't working well. The warriors in charge of keeping the drones at bay were struggling. The tide was overwhelming.

Nodding to each other, the humans charged off in two teams, Evie and Marie and Jedi with Sketchers. They went to the main areas where the drones were coming, firing into the massive wall of black bodies.

Soon enough, their bullets were gone and they moved on to their warrior weapons. Though not as well trained in their use as the warrior aliens, all the humans were good enough at improvising that they avoided any major injuries from the Xenos.

A sudden screech raised the hair on their arms. Checking back, the human teams saw that the spear that had been stuck through the Queen's tail had gotten lodged in between some rocks, effectively trapping the gigantic beast for the moment. The warriors were moving in and Elder Pimp dove in, slamming his weapon down through the Queen's right foreleg, making the beast scream again.

Gritting their teeth against the ear splitting noise, the humans went back to work with their warrior partners, hacking at the beasts charging them in an attempt to get to their beloved queen. The humans shrugged, turning back to the endless sea of monsters.

On and on they came and everyone could feel the wear on their muscles, tiring with the effort of killing. Xenomorph blood oozed through the cavern, carving its way through the rocks. The pattern of killing was easy, one person shooting, one reloading. When the bullets were gone, their blades danced in the darkness, slaughtering the hordes before them.

But, the steady system broke down when Sketchers howled in pain, stumbling away from the wall of Xenos, leg sizzling with the burn of splattered alien blood. Jedi shouted and darted over, trying to keep both their areas clear as he dragged Sketchers out of immediate danger.

Jedi looked up, calling across the battle field. "EVIE! MARIE! MAN

DOWN! MAN DOWN!"

Marie and Evie looked up and over, then waved to some of the warriors nearby. A few stepped in to fill the gap they left as the women charged over, darting past corpses of both alien species and around the blasts from the warrior guns.

Reaching Jedi and Sketchers, both girls knelt down. Jedi was holding Sketchers' wrists, keeping the flailing and screaming man from trying to wrap his hands around the wound. The acid sizzled, still eating away at the flesh and muscle.

Marie pulled out the blade Martello had given her and tore through his pant leg, getting most of the acid away. Then, as Evie prepped some sort of warrior medicine, Marie doused his wound in water, trying to flush out more of the acid. The sizzling slowed, but Sketchers screamed again, then passed out.

Evie knelt next to him and steadied her hand. Swiftly, she slid the needle under the skin left on his leg and shot a bright orange substance into him. Sketchers woke up long enough to feel the pain of the injection, scream one last time, and pass out once more.

Carefully, Evie began wrapping his leg in linens as Jedi looked on. Clearing his throat, he tapped Evie's shoulder. "Hey. What was that orange stuff you gave him? What does it do?"

Evie shrugged and finished her bandage work. "Dunno. It's what those guys use when they aren't TOO seriously hurt. Hopefully it won't kill him. Not much else we could do but try."

Jedi nodded, pale. Evie patted his hand. "It's gonna be okay, Jedi.

He'll be okay."

"If you say so."

Before Evie could respond to him, Marie waved at them and pointed towards the queen. The drones were still being held at bay, despite the dwindling numbers of warriors. But, the queen had yet to be neutralized. Which was an unfortunate turn of events for the warrior they had dubbed Loser, for his unpleasantness.

He struggled in the hand of the queen, trying to bring his blades up. The queen was pulling him close, opening her outer mouth, clearly preparing to puncture through his helmet and brain, ending him permanently.

Without thinking, Evie charged forward towards one of the dead warriors, pushing up the body to aim the burner towards the queen. Fumbling about, she hit something and shot out a blast. The glowing orb shot through the upper arm of the hand holding Loser, and he fell to the ground as the queen flailed back, screeching in pain, arm splattering blood all about.

Loser scrambled away, darting from the blood rain falling. Evie stumbled back, the humans taking cover under a rock over hang. All the warriors were moving quickly, avoiding the queen's thrashing. The drones continued charging forward and it was almost too late to stem the tide once more.

But, in the midst of the chaos, one warrior charged forward, moving about the blood, slipping under the queen's guard, thrusting upwards, impaling her on his spear.

She screamed and the warrior pulled back, stabbing up again and again, moving fast enough to avoid the blood oozing from her. Marie peered forward, trying to see who it was. But, there was still too much chaos to really see anything from her vantage point.

Finally the queen gasped, hissing, stumbling forward, trying for a last attack. The warriors scattered and she fell, wheezing, then laying still. The drones stilled, the tide freezing. Then, they began screaming. Some ran, fleeing into the caverns. Others charged, attacking blindly the warriors and the humans. Still others simply stood there, dazed, not understanding their queen was gone. All were easy prey for the warriors.

Soon, the Xenos that hadn't been slaughtered had scattered and the cavern was empty and silent. The warriors gathered around the body of the queen gazing down at the beast, then to the Elder Pimp. The Elder was standing next to Anchor, who was clutching his blood-covered spear.

The humans walked forward, Jedi holding Sketchers' body over his shoulder. They stood at the outskirts, peering through gaps in the warriors' ranks. The Elder was speaking and Marie did her best to translate for the others.

"Well, it turns out that Anchor was the one who dealt the killing blow. The Elder is complimenting him. Oh! Now he's totally burning on Loser over there. He wasn't supposed to be near the queen. He was on perimeter duty. Snap! I don't know what all those words mean, but they most certainly aren't complimentary."

Suddenly, the warriors split apart and the Elder was staring straight at the four humans. He pointed at them and waved, clearly urging them forward. Gulping, Marie led the way, followed by Evie and Jedi with Sketchers taking up the rear.

They stood before the Elder and he stared at them intently. He spoke a few words, then turned to one of the Xenomorph bodies and plucked off a finger. The acid oozed and hissed, and Marie winced a bit. But, she took off her goggles and brushed back her hair, laying bare her forehead. Evie and Jedi followed suit, Jedi standing Sketchers up as best he could.

The Elder stepped forward and began drawing on Marie's forehead. She dug her nails into her palms, desperately trying not to flinch or cry out. The mark was a straight line down, with a slanted line across it, and a small dot opposite the top of the slanted line.

The Elder moved on to Evie and Marie caught the look on Jedi's face. He clearly didn't understand what was going on and he REALLY didn't want this to happen. She shrugged at him and gave a half smile as the Elder turned to him next.

He took it bravely, still holding Sketchers. The Elder quirked his head, contemplating the unconscious man. Then, he reached out and quickly made the mark on Sketcher's forehead. The man twitched, grunting in pain, but staying unconscious.

The Elder stepped back, looked up and let out an ear shattering roar. The other warriors joined in as well. With another shrug, the humans began screaming along with, feeling the primal glee of having survived the killing grounds.

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Marie was feeling good. Her forehead hurt a bit, but it would fade eventually. Now, she and Evie and Jedi and Sketchers had SOME defense against the others. They would have to take them all head on now.

She and the others had been sent ahead to get Sketchers back and resting. Marie, Evie, Jedi, Sketchers, Martello, Ninja, Anchor and Bravo had made the initial return team, killing whatever bugs they could find on their trip back. All in all, it was a very laid back journey.

Martello was close her, chattering away, telling her all the things he'd liked about her battles with the drones. Marie laughed and gently pushed him. "Now, you're just trying to butter me up!"

Martello quirked his head, but gave a small rumbling laugh. Marie made a mental note to explain what buttering her up meant. He'd be confused until then. She and Martello carried on, amusing themselves, when Ninja gave a sharp noise.

The warriors seemed to almost cringe and the humans were confused. What could make THESE guys nervous? Looking up ahead, their eyes widened and they let out a collective gasp of horror.

Standing at the entrance to the main cavern were seven of the HUGEST warriors they had EVER seen. The seven seemed perfectly calm, but they were DEFINITELY waiting for them. One of the huge ones started forward, barking out a few words and Anchor and Bravo, who were at the fore, split, revealing the humans at the center.

Marie nudged Martello, whispering to him. "What the hell ARE they? They're even bigger than YOU! I was just getting used to you!"

Martello rumbled back in a tone of voice she'd never heard out of him before.

"FEMALES."

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The humans were not happy. Evie and Marie were sitting on the floor, thinking of ways to get away from the caverns. Ninja and Martello were with them, talking to each other, arguing back and forth about the same thing. Jedi and Sketchers simply watched the others, completely lost and confused as to what had just occurred.

When they had arrived at the main cavern, the humans and the two warriors had been placed under a sort of house arrest in their small sleeping caves. Two of the warriors, the NOT so huge ones, the males, guarded the entrance. No one went in or out.

Marie was nervous. Evie was almost hyperventilating; she kept drumming her fingers about, nervously watching the entrance. "What's going to happen to us?"

Marie shrugged, biting off part of a fingernail. "No idea. Maybe they'll be nice and just kill us instead of making us suffer horribly before."

Evie paused her drumming fingers long enough to glare viciously at Marie, then continued her stress reducing rhythm.

All of the people present jumped as Anchor and Bravo wormed their way into the already crowded area. What was usually just a cozy main room was now terribly cramped with four large warriors and four humans.

The two new comers nodded, then sat on the floor. Martello shifted a bit, allowing them more room, which brought him closer to Marie. Marie looked up, smiled a little, then went back to chewing on a nail.

Bravo began to talk. It was a bit of a struggle, but with Martello's help, Marie and Evie were able to communicate most of what Bravo said. The warriors, particularly Martello, Ninja, and Elder Pimp, were in BIG trouble.

Loser had called in the females of their race, telling them about what was going on with the humans. The women, who were the leaders, CLEARLY didn't approve. And, if the relations with the humans didn't stop, and some other demands of theirs met, then all of the warriors, including Anchor and Bravo, would be labeled as criminals, and would be killed.

After Bravo's concise report, all present were silent. Even Evie had stopped tapping her fingers. Marie looked up at Martello, almost wishing she could tell what he was thinking behind his mask. The silence continued, no one knowing what to say.

Bravo shifted, grumbling a little bit. He broke the silence by telling all present that the Elder was in with the females, trying to work things out.

Marie snorted derisively. "From what I can tell, those ladies aren't going to give an inch. They've got all of you cowed, no offense. They're like your evil robot overlords or something."

Evie steepled her fingers, eyes shut. "Well, we're probably doomed. I doubt even these marks will save us from them. And here we thought we'd finally gotten at least a LITTLE respect around this place."

After that statement, a guard poked his head in, gesturing to Martello and Ninja. The two stood and carefully maneuvered their way around everyone to get to the entrance. Before going out, both warriors turned to Evie and Marie.

Without any fanfare or words, both warriors each gave a thumbs up to the girls, before turning and stepping out to face the females. Marie and Evie blinked a bit, then smiled and giggled at the antics of their two warriors.

Bravo heaved a rumbling sigh like sound, crossing his arms. Marie leaned forward, frowning. "We HAVE to get out of here."

Jedi stretched his legs, sighing. "But what CAN we do? No way we can take on everyone out there."

Bravo spoke quickly, saying he and Anchor could make a big enough distraction that the humans could escape, including the Elder's women. Then, later, when the dust had settled, the warriors would come looking for them.

Marie and Evie contemplated this. Slowly, they nodded. It could definitely work. The cave systems were confusing enough that they could easily get away while people were looking for them.

Marie smiled. "All in favor? Say aye!"

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Marie groaned, smacking at the hand that was gently shaking her shoulder. A rumbling laugh later and she was squinting with one eye at the large blur in front of her. Grumbling, she put on her glasses and yawned. Martello sat back on his heels, watching her.

Martello and Ninja had been gone for so long that they had all decided to sleep until the two came back. Better to rest while they could. Marie yawned again, stretching, scratching her head. Martello reached out and tugged on a chunk of hair that was being uncooperative, laying it flat against her head.

Smiling, Marie finished rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "So, Martello. While you two were gone, we all came up with a plan!"

Martello rumbled and spoke. "No. Elder has plan."

Marie frowned. "Well, I guess we could hear his plan. It's always good to have options. I'll go wake the boys up, since Ninja is getting Evie."

Indeed, Ninja was crouched near Evie, clearly hesitating in whether he should shake her awake or not. He was obviously still not comfortable touching her. It would have been amusing, if not for the current situation.

Marie stood to get the other warriors and male humans going when Martello gently grabbed her hand. She stopped and looked at the still crouching warrior. He contemplated her hand, turning it this way and that, carefully running his fingers over her calloused palms. Abruptly, he let go.

Quirking her head, Marie turned and left, mildly confused. Martello stood, slightly hunched in the small cavern and watched her slip out of sight.

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Everyone was gathered together. Four humans, four warriors, all very worried. Marie and Evie had articulated their plan to Martello and Ninja, and were waiting to hear what the Elder had thought up.

Martello looked at Ninja, then launched into a description of the Elder's plan. "We make distraction. All run out. Take ship and leave."

Evie quirked her head. "So, by all of us, that's us humans, the Elder's girls, you two, the Elder, and those other warriors that want to come?"

Martello nodded. Marie frowned. "But, won't they just hunt you down? Once they know you're all gone?"

Jedi shrugged. "Won't they hunt them down when they come to find us later?"

Evie fussed with something on the front of her shirt. "Well… Then, maybe… Maybe we shouldn't meet up again?"

After her statement, there was dead silence. Then, Ninja growled, clearly cursing in the warrior tongue. Marie quirked an eyebrow. "I don't think he approves of that idea. Also, new word! Add it to the dictionary."

Martello shrugged. "Only if catching us."

Marie quirked an eyebrow. "So, only if they catch us? Fair enough, but you're giving up EVERYTHING. Do you even realize what you're doing? What you'll lose?"

Martello nodded. "Is fine."

Crossing her arms, Marie glowered. "I don't think it is. You'll lose EVERYTHING. Your family, your honor, your home, all those things that were important to you! Don't you realize what you have?"

"Not liking it."

"You don't like it?"

"Yes. Not like."

Marie stared at him, flabbergasted, sputtering. "You! You don't even! We lost EVERYTHING! That's why it was all right for us to go with you! We had nothing tying us down! But, but you! You! You're willing to just… Give it up? Your family? Your culture? Your home? Your life? What I wouldn't give to have all that back! Even if I didn't like it all the time."

Everyone had listened intently to Marie's miniature tirade. The humans understood. Most of the warriors didn't understand half of what she'd said. Martello gazed at her.

Marie hung her head. "You can't just… Give it up."

Martello watched her carefully before speaking. "Need leave, to save other Oomans."

He had caught everyone's attention. Sketcher's gaped. "WHAT?"

Martello nodded. "Females say we start taking Oomans. Leave on other places to grow more Oomans."

Marie's brow furrowed. "So, wait. Ya'll are going to round up all the humans you can find. Then, put them on a different planet, away from the Xenos, to repopulate? Like some creepy game preserve? Or a zoo? The fuck? Hell no! We're fine here!"

Martello shrugged. "Is what they do soon."

Jedi scowled. "We can't let that happen! We're not toys for them!"

Evie sighed. "Well, we kind of are. How can we fight all of them? And how many humans will we REALLY get to fight them? These guys will give us a safe place, away from the Xenos. A lot will probably grateful. What's a few of their own every once in awhile to get away from here?"

Marie waved her arms about, calling for order as the discussing escalated. "Calm down, all of ya! Look, we can't worry about that now. Seriously. We can't do ANYTHING from here. Our first goal is to escape. Period. We worry about everything else later, okay? Now, we need to choose. I'm pretty certain that those warrior chicks WON'T let us live. Just saying."

As everyone calmed down and thought, Marie settled back down. "Now, first things first, who wants to leave? And do we know if the Elder is leaving?"

Martello nodded. "He no leave his females."

Nodding, Marie continued. "Okay, so we'll have the Elder on our side. So, who wants to leave?"

Along with Marie's raised hand was Evie, Jedi, Sketchers, Martello, Ninja, Bravo, and, surprisingly, Anchor. Nodding, Marie faced the warriors. "All right. Are you SURE you want to leave? I can't make your choices for you. If this is what you want, it's not right of me to say no, not after all you guys have done for us. So? Positive?"

The warriors all simply nodded their heads in assent. Marie sighed, rubbing her temples. "Okay. Right, so, we really need to talk with the Elder. He's got his chicks. And who knows? We may have more coming with us than we thought. Who knows how many other warriors don't like it here or prefer the Elder."

Staring about at all assembled, Marie smiled, rubbing her hands together. "So. Who wants to get us our weapons and gear, and who wants to be the distraction?"

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A laser flew through the air, blasting a chunk out of the rock near Evie's head. She gave a startled yelp, then ran even faster. Marie was towards the head of the group, cursing vehemently. Martello and Ninja were in the lead, taking them through the tunnels to an exit that was rarely used.

Evie and Marie had on the modified goggles, watching for any Xenos waiting to take them down. Marie panted a bit. "It WOULD be our luck to be stalked by the freaking HUGE warrior bitches AND have to worry about the Bugs. Seriously. We don't deserve this."

Evie nodded, gulping for air. The four had split at the main cavern entrance, slipping into different side tunnels, charging for the surface. They'd lost Bravo somewhere along the way. He had mentioned something about getting some of the females off their tails and that he'd contact them later.

They burst into the open air and kept charging forward. Only Martello and Ninja knew where the small shuttle was. Soon, the shuttle would meet up with the larger ship that the Elder was "Borrowing". There had been more deserters than previously thought, and a larger ship had been required.

Evie sighed. "I hope we get there soon. I want to meet up with the others. And where are we going to live? Wasn't there some talk about colonizing a planet and bringing rescued humans there?"

Another blast and a roar and Marie grunted. "We'll worry about the details right now. My main goal right now is to get the fuck AWAY. That chick has MUCH better aim than Ninja!"

Evie nodded and the two pushed faster, trying to catch up more with Ninja and Martello. Martello waved an arm, pointing towards a clearing. He tapped some buttons on his wrist pad and a small ship wobbled into view, the invisibility dropping from it.

The hatch began opening and Ninja charged ahead, leaping in, scrambling to the pilot's seat. Martello waited by the entrance, firing back at their pursuers as Marie and Evie made it to the door and darted into the shuttle.

It began lifting off and Martello stepped onto it, still firing, keeping any shots from hitting the ship. They lifted higher and higher and Marie and Evie gaped as they saw a MONSTROUS ship doing the same thing a long ways off.

Suddenly, the shots stopped and Martello stepped further in as the shuttle hatch shut. He went to the front and sat copilot, readying the shuttle defenses and weapons. At least, Marie hoped that's what he was doing. The females wouldn't give up THAT easily.

As they watched the ground drop away, Marie and Evie held each others' hands. They went above the clouds, losing sight of the country that they had lived in and loved. Their home. Further up, into the atmosphere they flew.

They reached space. It was unbelievably dark and empty. The earth glowed beneath them, deceptively peaceful looking from this distance. The large ship was waiting for them to dock, before they vanished into space, ready to hide until they could regroup and plan.

The shuttle docked and Martello and Ninja waved to them, ushering them out of the small, cramped space. Taking one last, long look, Marie squeezed Evie's hand. Evie smiled, wiping a few tears away.

Squaring their shoulders, they both marched out of the ship and into the turmoil of the Elder's shuttle. There was too much to do to waste time on sadness.

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End Author's Note: WEEEE DID IT! This is the actual end of plot in this story. The next chapter is epilogue. So. Sorry this took FOREVER. Scheduling conflicts, tests and papers, and the rediscovering of DBZ was detrimental.

Hopefully, it was worth the wait.

Also, go read PocketSeven's fic, Glinda's Fall! He based it off of chapter 5 of Misfit Tails, the oneshot we wrote for him! With the Guardian of Walmart! It's great! We've reviewed and you should too! ^_^

So, good luck on the contest! And we'll see you for the last installment! Mwah!


	20. Epilogue To Boldly Go

Author's Note: Blibbidy blah Epilogue blah other stories coming blah winners are PocketSevens and Dreamerboy84 diddly dee three gift shots coming blah blee bleh Minivan Escapades will continue shibily bee more specifics in Author's Note of Doom a few chapters back. BLAH. We love you!

Disclaimer: Blah blah bloo you know this all by now blah not owned blee by us.

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Epilogue: To Boldly Go Where No Ooman Has Gone Before

Excerpt from a transmission sent from Zs'i'iga to Jd'okem

I have determined, through careful study and exploration, that the world of the _Pyode Amedha_ is no longer habitable. The remaining life forms are unable to defeat the overwhelming force of the _Kainde Amedha_. Despite their ability to continue battling, for every _Kainde Amedha_ they kill, ten _Pyode Amedha_ are lost.

Also, many of the males have begun taking an unnatural interest in our _Pyode Amedha_ prey. Just recently, the Elder Zulfaqar and many of his warriors stole a master ship and vanished, taking some _Pyode Amedha_ with them as fellow warriors.

I cannot be certain how many other warriors on this planet have begun seeing the _Pyode Amedha_ more as fellow warriors than as prey. This cannot be allowed to continue. At least we don't have to worry about our warriors and the _Pyode Amedha_ breeding. Our scientists have determined that such interbreeding with inferior life forms would not work.

The other females and I here have discussed potential options to preserve the _Pyode Amedha_ as our valuable prey. Our top suggestion is that we remove the _Pyode Amedha_ we can find and relocate them to several different planets that are habitable for their kind. This would give them places to repopulate and grow again, as their kind breed quickly.

This would also serve to remove our warriors from the _Pyode Amedha_ influence, returning them to our prey and not as warriors against the _Kainde Amedha_. Having them in several different planets would also disallow them from reforming as a coherent force.

To end, I have a list of all the warriors that defected with the Elder Zulfaqar and are henceforth labeled as bad bloods. We are not using our resources as of yet to apprehend them, as we have more important things to take care of concerning the preservation of the _Pyode Amedha_.

The list is as follows:

Elder Zulfaqar

Dho'mago'te

Tvrtko

A'no'kur

Jh'unaih

Narvost

D'a'rish

Jadr'nko

Arvid

Jo'eri

Ros'tisl

P'holde

Slo'bdan

Ph'nchas

Torbrg

Rash'da

Jawda**t**

Gaz'byya

H'i'iba

I await your response and any further commands you may have.

Good Hunting


End file.
